Think of all the money they'll save on trash bags

Very, VERRRRRRY exciting news recently out of Japan. Appropos of the Mother's Day season, I thought I would pass it along. And the news is as follows: One Japanese hospital recently set up a new service for the mothers in their community. But not just any mother -- only the mothers who don't actually want the babies they are having. That's right -- it's a drop box for unwanted babies!


Society boldly strides forward with invention
of baby drop-box technology.

This is just an amazing new service. What convenience! Imagine the embarrassing party conversations if you had to keep the baby and, you know, deal with it? But now, the hospital will care for your baby until it's adopted. And noone's the wiser! It's the perfect crime! So to speak!

One hospital official comments: "We started the service but hope it won't be used."

Awesome. That's the same sentiment I expressed when I invented those new bullets that burst and spread the ebola virus once they've entered the body. It's a wicked cool invention, but I would be shocked -- shocked! -- if there were people in the world who would avail themselves of such insidious technology. But hey, that's not for me to judge. I just provide a service, right? I'm just advancing mankind. How mankind chooses to react to said advancement is not my problem. Guns don't kill people, and so forth.

But seriously, I'm sure no one will use it. People who have unwanted babies are a notoriously responsible segment of the population. If they can't go the abortion route and still don't want the pregnancy, I'm sure they'll just shoulder on and adjust their own lives to prepare for this gift they have received. No one will use this drop slot. It just wouldn't be, you know, the right thing to do.

So I share your optimism that no one will use this service, Japanese hospital. Here's hoping. BANG! Ha ha, I just shot you with my ebola bullet. Nah, just kidding. It was just a regular bullet. Might want to put a tourniquet on that. But don't think you'll ever catch me...I'm gonna drop this gun in the anonymous gun drop slot down at the police station. One more gun off the street, right? Boy, is my conscience ever clearer. Have a great day there!

Hyperlink:
- Japan hospital opens drop box for unwanted babies [CNN]

Technorati tags: Japan, drop box, babies, health care, being helpful, pay it forward

Recap of The Office: "Beach Games"

Man. Whew. Rough episode last night. No thumbs up for this one. And come to think okf it, there will be no huzzahs either. In fact, I think I'm going to take a page from Comic Book Guy and call this the Worst Episode Ever. Of the season, anyway.

Here's what happened: Michael is interviewing for a job at Dunder Mifflin's New York corporate office. As part of that, he has to find his potential successor at the Scranton branch. So in typical fashion, he comes up with the idea of taking the office to the lake and giving them a bunch of hare-brained tests, including walking over hot coals, a hot dog eating contest, and wrestling in those sumo fatsuits.

That actually sounds pretty funny, right? Well...it wasn't. And I think somewhere along the line, the producers realized that as well, so they stuck in this big ending to salvage things. Pam walks over hot coals, and afterwards she goes over to the group and tells them how she thinks it sucks that they all think she's invisible, and that she feels really great and alive right now, and then as the BIG capper, she tells Jim -- again, in front of the entire group -- that she broke off her wedding for him, and that she really misses him. Whoa. So, apparently, the aforementioned hot coals were made of Ecstasy? Sweet. I didn't know they made coals out of Ecstasy, but hey, this is how you learn things.

So that little Deus Ex Machina revelation was the only thing really noteworthy (on a positive level) about the episode. But on the negative side, I have a major beef with one aspect of the show. I have previously articulated my concern that Jim may be getting soft. Well, after this episode I think we can drop the "getting" out of that phrase. Ladies and gentlemen, Jim Halpert is a wuss. Jim is what, 6' 4", 210 pounds? And yet he ran away like a girl when freaking heart-attack-waiting-to-happen Stanely came at him in the sumo ring. And he never sticks up for himself. Michael tells him he's not cut out to head the Scranton branch, and Jim just looks into the camera with that same old smirk (and seriously, mix in a new facial expression, buddy) and just says "that's harsh." Wow, don't pull any punches Jim.

When I'm really happy, I make this face.
When I'm full of rage, I make this face.

And it's not only that. Part of the non-funniness of this episode is Jim's fault. Anytime the action swings his way, he makes some clipped little comment ("Nope, that's not right," or "Way to go, Dwight") and the momentum falls like a sack of potatoes. I know he's a quiet, sensitive guy, and I don't expect him to become some big ball of energy, but get a presence, Jim. Stop staring off into space and mix it up a little. He's the heart and soul of the show -- really the central driver of the entire plot. Can we give him a little emotion? Is that too much to ask? And let me ask you another question: Do I have to change my blog icon? Huh? Do I? I don't want to. But I will. Jerks.

So there you have it. Bad episode, Jim's regressing, and who knows. Here's hoping they finish the season strong and John Krasinski retools Jim a little bit on the hiatus. Here's hoping.

Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Previous recap of The Office [No One Appreciates Me]

Technorati tag: The Office

If I was 12 or retarded, I totally would have voted for Lakisha

Truly, this is a special time of year. The air grows warm, the blooms begin their shy emergence, and everything seems to buzz. Before they all died, the bees caused this buzzing. But nowadays, the buzz is from American Idol. For truly does spring now mean that we must be down to our final three.

In this week's episodes, my personal sentimental favorite, Lakisha Jones, was voted off. Sad but true. She was one of those American Idol feel-good stories -- coming from nothing, and with no chance of getting a break any other way. So good for her. But in the meantime, now I'm left with the beat boxer (who has actually grown on me, although his beat-boxing on Tuesday was weak), odds-on betting favorite Jordin Sparks, and Melinda Doolittle. Let's break this down.

First of all, regarding Melinda. I think it's weird that Phylicia Rashad and Michael Ruffin had a child. I thought they were both married. What I want to know is, what did Ahmad have to say about all this?

+ =

Tell me you don't see it. I double dog freaking dare you.

In any case, Melinda is a shoo-in for the final. But part of me kind of wants to see Blake pull the upset and sneak in to face Jordin for the crown. Why? Not because I have anything against Melinda, but because then we would really see if this lil-ol-me routine is for real or not. I can just see Melinda getting the news that she was voted off, and then tearing off her shirt like the Incredible Hulk and stomping around the stage in a sports bra shouting out "Oh no you did NOT!" over and over again. So, you know. That could be fun.

But other than that possibility, this final three is fairly drama-free. Jordin is going to win and it's not gonna be close. The only real question to be resolved is, do I think she's hot or not. I need to think on this. I thought she was a little Amazonian for me at first, but it's a wonder what these stylists and trainers and wardrobe people and nutritionists and posture coaches can do for a contestant. Look at what happened with Katherine McPhee. But it's still too early to think of such matters, as I continue to mourn the passing of Lakisha. So long, Lakisha. If you ever get cast in a Broadway play, I'll seriously think about thinking about going, for a good solid two or three minutes. That is my promise to you.

Hyperlinks:
- Mysterious Bee Killer Could Make Dinner Bland [CNN]
- On 'American Idol,' Here Comes the Real Judge [Washington Post]
- Jordin Sparks page [American Idol]
- Katherine McPhee: Getting Warmer [No One Appreciates Me]

Technorati tags: American Idol

Survey with Ann Curry reveals that everything is great, just great

According to a recent one-person survey with Today show news anchor Ann Curry, the state of the nation and the world was, is, and always will be just great.

There's plenty to smile about, Curry says.

"I am so inspired by all the great stories out there," Curry said. "Why, just yesterday, I was interviewing Reese Witherspoon? And I looked deep into her eyes and asked her 'how are you? Your millions of fans -- of which I am one -- care so much about you. So tell us, how are you, really?' And you know what? She looked me straight in the eyes and said, 'Ann Curry, news anchor of the Today show? I'm great.' Wow. I mean, WOW. What an inspiration!"

Curry did admit that there were some things that were, while still great, somewhat less great than other things that were a greater degree of great.

"Well, is the Iraq war perfect? No, of course not! Only a total sillyhead would think that. But in these circumstances, I'm always reminded of what Jennifer Aniston bravely shared with me and with our viewing audience after her painful breakup with Brad (who is also a good friend of the show, and in no way do I blame him for that situation). She said 'Sometimes, you just can't dwell on the negative.' And I completely agree. She's a true American hero.


Today show news anchor Ann Curry breaks another big news story.

"Also, I do feel that Paris Hilton's unfortunate plight has been less great," Curry continued. "Now, I love Paris, and I think she's just great, but her lifestyle has set -- inadvertently, of course, inadvertently -- a tiny bit of what could maybe be called by some a not-so-great precedent for our inspiringly great young women out there. Girls need to know that they can grow up to be anything. Even serious, big-time news journalists. You know. Like me."

Curry bristled, in a friendly way, at the notion that she was not a hard hitter in the media world.

"Now, what a funny concept! I have to just laugh at that, just because it's so amusing and great! If people had followed my work, they would know that I often take a hard stance. Like in my recent travels to meet the children of Darfur, for example. I am firmly on record as saying that the slaughter of families and the recruitment of children into hellish shadow armies is maybe not a very nice thing to do. And you can check my record -- I've been very consistent on that point. But you know what message I came away with after my visit? It was a message of hope. That even in these terrible places, great things can happen! Those folks over in the Sudan, I think they're going to be just great."


Ann Curry questions authority: Ms. First Lady, is it
important for children to learn how to read?

"Everything is going to work out beautifully," she concluded. "If you want some negative nelly out there, talk to David Gregory. But as for me, I'm going to be great."

Hyperlinks:
- Today show news anchor Ann Curry [MSNBC]
- Even in Hell... [MSNBC]

Technorati tags: Ann Curry, nbc, The Today Show, hard-hitting journalism, great

Satan inches ahead of Bush in approval ratings

News yesterday that the president's composite poll numbers are at a rock-bottom 35 percent. This is due to the Iraq war, a flaccid domestic agenda, and an ongoing spate of scandals involving current and former administration officials including Paul Wolfowitz, Karl Rove, Alberto Gonzales, Scooter Libby, Donald Rumsfeld, and Michael Brown. Among others.

In fact, the president's approval ratings have dipped so low that he has now been eclipsed in popularity by Lucifer the Light Bringer, the angel who was cast from heaven and is now known as Satan, or The Devil.


The Dark Lord celebrates the latest approval ratings.

"Don't get me wrong, I hate Satan and all," said Bob Smith, a subcontractor from Muskogee, Oklahoma. "But I see a little more upside with him than I do with Bush. I feel like Satan is a little more responsive. Because you can pray to him, right? Does he answer prayers? Or do you have to, like, burn baby candles or whatever in order to do that?

"Plus, Satan can punish people," Smith continued. "Like this guy who lives next door to me, Wayne? Wayne's always drinking beer and laughing and listening to music. And I really hate him. Plus, he's got this compost pile in his backyard that he uses for his garden or whatever? And that thing stinks. I mean, it stinks to high heaven. Sometimes, late at night, I'll run next door and pee in the compost. Just to annoy him. Sometimes I wonder if the stink I notice is just me smelling my own urine as it evaporates in the hot sun. But hey, if this guy is going to insist on having this stinking pile of compost, then I have to pee in it. See how that logic works? It's frontier justice, man. After all, the thing is on his property, so what can I do? Except for the peeing, of course. Which I already mentioned."

The poll results come on the heels of rumors that Lucifer is considering a 2008 presidential run.

Hyperlinks:
- Poll: Bush approval stands at 38% [CNN]
- World Bank Panel: Wolfowitz Broke Rules [Washington Post]
- Putting the Squeeze On [U.S. News and World Report]
- Crossing A Line At Justice [USA Today]
- Jury Convicts Libby on Four Charges [MSNBC]
- Bush Ousts Embattled Rumsfeld [Washington Post]
- 'Can I quit now?' FEMA chief wrote as Katrina raged [CNN]

Technorati tags: Bush, Satan, Approval Ratings, White House scandals, Lucifer, the Light Bringer

The tale of Ganjaya

I'm a few days late on this, but there was news recently that Sanjaya's mother -- and best girlfriend, besides her older sister of course -- was busted for growing pot back in 2005. But just days after that news came out, she was photographed taking a bong rip at some party.


She looks just like her daughters.

Her real name is Blyth, but you know what I like to call her? What I like to call her is, I like to call her Ganjaya. Get it? Or how about this one...how about BONGjaya?!?!? Man, that is sweet. Someone pull up a stool and put a bucket down in front of me. Because I'm paying OUT, baby!

Now, far be it from me to give someone a hard time for smoking pot. Pot is not heroin. There are many worse things a person can do than smoke a little pot on their own time. However. If you are the mother of a celebrity, and you just wrapped up your pot-growing court case, don't go to a party and get photographed hitting the bong. Aren't you in your 40s anyway, meaning you are waaay too old to be smoking out of a bong regardless? Either way, Ganjaya, let me know when you're going to be in my neck of the woods. I'll be sure to break out the black light and rent a copy of The Wall for us. And I've got this awesome bong where the bottom part is, like, this jester's head? It's sooo trippy. You'll love it.

Hyperlinks:
- Sanjaya's Mom Popped for Growing Piles of Pot [TMZ]
- Momjaya Starring in the Bong Show [TMZ]

Technorati tags: Sanjaya, American Idol

Recap of The Office: "Women's Appreciation"

Why does NBC have such uneven start and run times for its shows sometimes? It's like some disgruntled prankster broke into the scheduling computers and just messed with them to undermine the network. The Office started at 8:36 this time. Huh? It's just like the story about the angry guy who masturbated in the big vat of Oreo cream when he worked at the Nabisco factory, because he wanted revenge against everyone. Or maybe that's just an urban legend. Nevertheless, I find the story to be appropo.

But what was I saying, oh yeah, it's sweeps month, baby! And that means new episodes for a whole month! That's like four new episodes, in a row! Considering that this season of Lost seemed to have four new episodes total, this is no small thing. But it's cool when a season is about to end, and you see the storm clouds gathering for the final, apocalyptic cliff hangers. Michael actually broke up with Jan in this episode, which foreshadows some kind of huge confrontation. They seem to be building toward Jim and Karen split as well.

But as for this episode, a flasher gives Phyllis the bidness in the parking lot (again, I invoke the Oreo guy), and Michael holds some sort of sensitivity training, followed by Michael taking the girls out to the mall and spilling his guts to them about how he's not happy with Jan and that she makes him wear school girl outfits. Er, I don't know, but they may have taken this Jan-is-a-freak thing too far. It may be just a shade beyond believable now. Maybe not.

Back at the ranch, the guys are hanging out in the ladies' bathroom at Kevin's behest, with Kevin proclaiming that "we should do this A LOT more often," followed by Toby responding that "I think we spend an appropriate amount of time together" in that hilarious mumbling deadpan of his. Probably the funniest moment of the episode was when Jim mentioned his six-month anniversary with Karen, with Ryan commenting that "I thought you guys were just hookin up." Jim says, no, they're dating, to which Ryan replies that "you might hear something about an e-mail." Jim says "yeah, Karen mentioned that. She said she told you she didn't want an office relationship right now, but liked you as a friend." Ooh, busted, Ryan. Take that, asshole! I'm totally telling Kelly.

But overall, a lot of this episode was actually kind of sweet, with Michael showing his vulnerable side and so on. So generally a nice episode, but I'm not freaking out about it. I'll give it a Huzzah, but no exclamation points.

Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Previous recap of The Office [No One Appreciates Me]

Technorati tag: The Office

Why must homeless people drink Alize?

On my walk from the train station to the office, I pass through a couple of, shall we say, high-traffic areas. No place truly dangerous, but situated such that there is no shortage of bums in the general neighborhood. As such, these bums often help decorate the tree planters and gutters along the streets with empty alcohol bottles. And hey, that's all right. I've decorated tree planters and gutters with far worse in my day. What's interesting about this is how often I see Alize bottles among the general bum detritus. So often, in fact, that it seems to be a full-blown phenomenon. And one I fail to understand, at that.


I never really feel like the bugs are
completely off of me until the smooth fruit
taste of Alize hits my toothless gums.

By way of background, Alize is a blend of cognac and various fruit juices. It has been glorified in hip-hop culture since the early 90s. A pint of it costs around $7 - $10 and it is 16 percent alcohol. Just as a data point, let's compare that to, say, Georgi Vodka. A pint of that stuff -- containing more than twice the alcohol -- costs less than a pint of Alize.

So I just don't get it. It's frustrating! Some people want to intervene and help the homeless find housing or employment or health care services. I want to help them with their choice of booze. If they just went for the wood varnish remover they sell in the liquor stores as "gin," they could get so much more bang for their buck. Sure, it's not as stylish, but until the ladies get here, maybe we just stick with the cheap stuff, huh? I mean, Diddy's new year's eve party is still several months away. And the contractor still hasn't shown up with that hot tub you ordered installed in the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue. So until all that happens, why not just take it easy? When they're hungry, are they saving up to buy truffles? Fuck no. They're going to McDonald's. At least if the McDonald's near me is any indication. Why does the same not hold true for alcohol? It's a mystery to me.

Basicaly, it's just unfortunate to see the homeless people throwing away their hard-begged cash like that. It's almost like bums don't have a strong sense of money. Huh. Well, until I see some changes, consider this a personal crusade. I want to see more empty Kentucky Gentleman bottles in the tree planters, and fewer Alize bottles. To all the homeless blog readers out there: what do you think? We can do this together, right? If you can't make sensible decisions about your intoxicants, then what CAN you be sensible about?

Hyperlinks:
- Alize [Wikipedia]
- Georgi Vodka [Garnet Wines and Liquors]

Technorati tags: Alize, homeless people

Jon Bon Jovi shows Idol contestants how to rock...for the first time

With the Wizards mercifully out of their misery and the Mavs-Warriors game not on until later that night, it was time for me to get re-acquainted with a little Tuesday night program with which you may be familiar. Here we go, baby. THISSSSSS...is American Idol. Da nannananananaaaaaa! Silver singing guy! Da nanananananaaaaa! Let's get it on. I know -- my verbal description is just like being there.

The bookend theme for last night's episode was that the show raised $70 million for kids around the world, including Katrina victims. In a magnanimous gesture at the end of the show, President Bush appeared via video to thank Idol viewers for picking up his slack. Very nice, George. Now off to bed with you. With the American Idol address, plus the war bill veto, you've had a big, big day!

Time to rock...with that dude from the Goo Goo Dolls' dad!

Anyhoo, on to the music. With Haley, Sanjaya, and all the other chaff now separated from the general wheatiness of the remaining contestants, last night's episode was probably the best one of the season. Your guest mentor for the evening? Jon Bon Jovi. Or, as I like to call him, JBJ. While I enjoy JBJ just as much as anyone, I think Idol missed the mark a little bit. A few years ago, Bon Jovi enjoyed a little resurgence as Gen Xers discovered the pleasure of screeching out the lyrics to "Livin on a Prayer" on the karaoke stage or just before last call at the local alehouse. But unfortunately, 20- and 30-somethings have moved on in their search for retro acts that they can enjoy ironically while insisting they are not enjoying them ironically. Christopher Cross, anyone?

But as for the actual songs last night, they really were top shelf as far as American Idol goes. Jordin Sparks was, for the first time, the exception, as she completely shat the bed with her faux-rocker-girl take on the aforementioned "Prayer." Earlier, Phil treated us to a good (if strangely heartfelt) rendition of "Blaze of Glory." He said he grew up singing that song in the mirror. That's great.

I have to say that the highlight of the evening, however, was Lakisha Jones absolutely owning "This Ain't a Love Song." It was especially impressive considering that she has been forced to sing stuff she isn't familiar with week after week. JBJ, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, the guy from Hermann's Hermits...not exactly an overly, er, soulful bunch there. Would it kill American Idol to work a little Jill Scott into the mix? A little Alicia Keys? Something? Throw Lakisha a bone here, guys. You bunch of filthy racists.

Following Lakisha was Blake, who I don't normally like, but last night he blew the roof off with a sweet beat-box rendition of "You Give Love A Bad Name." It really was fantastic. Seriously. Maybe you had to be there.

Anyone who followed those two acts was going to look pretty bad. And never one to break from the expected, Chris Richardson stepped up to the plate and did just that. During rehearsal, JBJ told Chris to sing "Wanted Dead or Alive" in a sad way. Chris proceeded to heed JBJ's advice, insomuch as he totally and completely ignored it. He opted instead for smoldering. You can tell that the fame and the dating of fellow reality stars is going to his head a little bit. When he got to the "I'm wanted...dead or alive" line, I thought he was going to stop the song and say "sexually...know what I mean? I am wanted sexually."

But luckily that didn't happen, and Melinda closed things out with a JBJ rocker("Have A Nice Day") that the judges said sounded like Tina Turner, but I thought just sounded awkward, albeit well sung. And speaking of awkward, how about JBJ trying to relate to black people?!?! JBJ seemed nice, but Jesus, JBJ, could you be any whiter? With him calling Lakisha "girlfriend" and telling Melinda she had to "take it to church" as a way to feel comfortable singing his rock song...well, it was pretty embarrassing. Stick to the owner's box, JBJ.

Overall, I think Chris Richardson and Phil (despite a nice performance) might be going down this week, with Jordin as a potential shocker. However, since last week's votes are also factoring in, pretty much anything can happen. I'm on the edge of my seat. Just livin on a prayer. And thanks to JBJ, for showing us all how to rock again. I love you, man!

Hyperlinks:
- The President's Thanks, and Other Forms of Kissing Up [Washington Post]
- 'Idol 6' finalist Chris Richardson dating 'The Hills' star Lauren Conrad? [Reality World]

Technorati tags: American Idol, Bush, Chris Richardson, Jon Bon Jovi

Kevin Mitchell dies, Snyder displays emotion in news release form

I thought it worth mentioning that former Skins linebacker Kevin "Not The Baseball Player" Mitchell died (I presume unexpectedly) in his sleep the other night at age 36. He had some nice games with the Redskins a few seasons ago. The play I probably remember him best for is an interception he made in the Redskins end zone to prevent a Baltimore Ravens touchdown and shift the momentum in a game the Skins eventually won. Sorry to see him go.

What was really interesting about the article, though, was the quote from owner Daniel Snyder that appeared in the AP story:

"Anyone who knew him was touched by his smile, joy for life and love of his family...Anyone who ever played with him or against him never forgot it. He earned our deepest respect."

Wow. Is it just me, or is that a rather touching display from a man who, by and large, doesn't really seem to enjoy being touched? Usually when this happens, the owner says thoughtsandprayers, entire (TEAM NAME) family devasted, thoughtsandprayers, his children and family, thoughtsandprayers, and we're done. But this quote seems like he actually, like, knew the player. Kind of nice. So hey, credit where it's due, Dan. You put out a nice quote there.

Hyperlinks:
- Ex-Redskin K. Mitchell Dies [Washington Post]
- Former NFL linebacker Kevin Mitchell dies at 36 [Yahoo! Sports]

Technorati tags: Kevin Mitchell, Washington Redskins, Redskins, Daniel Snyder

Moss whines way to Patriots, Raiders await germination of magic beanstalk

One interesting piece of news out of this weekend's incredibly boring NFL draft. The awesome-but-aging Randy Moss was traded to the New England Patriots for a fourth-round pick after two crappy seasons with the Raiders. Moss had apparently been unhappy in Oakland and had repeatedly demanded a trade to either New England or Green Bay. The Raiders were able to accommodate him. Lesson for the kids here: if you're stuck in a bad situation, don't make the best of it, or "work your way out of it," or any such nonsense like that. Just bitch and whine until someone else takes care of the problem for you. Randy Moss likes to teach life lessons to the kids. He views it like a sort of legacy.

Randy Moss paints another thoughtful
metaphor for oh, so many things.

But what about the teams involved? The Patriots have gone all Redskins on us, acquiring Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, and Adalius Thomas in an offseason spree that has to make them the Super Bowl favorites. Meanwhile, the Raiders used their fourth-round pick to draft John Bowie, a cornerback out of Kiffin College, which I believe is a small liberal arts school somewhere in Saskatchewan. I loved New England coach Bill Belichick's SportsCenter quote, saying "we worked hard to make this happen," or something like that. Well, did you really work THAT hard? You gave up a crappy draft pick for one of the most gifted receivers in NFL history. Was there a lot of wrangling there? What did you initially offer, like a bag of dried dog shit? A can of magic Goya kidney beans? Hey, Raiders. How about we let you give us Randy Moss, and maybe we could see our way to parting with, saaaaaay, this inanimate carbon rod. Don't look directly at the rod! It is very temperamental.

So all's well that ends well in the NFL. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and Al Davis continues to try and use a waffle iron to make a phone call. Dallas Cowboys on line two, Al. Or maybe your socks are just done drying.

Hyperlinks:
- See ya, Randy: Raiders send unhappy Moss to Pats for 4th-round pick [CNNSI]
- Police: Moss used car to bump traffic control agent [ESPN]
- Moss needs a role model, seriously [USA Today]
- Pats Go For Broke [CNNSI]

Technorati tags: NFL draft, Randy Moss, Oakland Raiders, New England Patriots

Recap of The Office: "Product Recall"

When this episode began, I admit I had my doubts. Hey, there's Jim playing yet another prank on Dwight, with Dwight being oblivious to the point of seeming insane.

But from there, I think this episode became the funniest of the season so far. I may need to watch it again, and I don't want to lose my head here, but dare I say...classic?

The main thread is that Dunder Mifflin had to recall 500 boxes of paper because a disgruntled employee embedded a watermark in there that depicted the animalistic coupling of two beloved cartoon characters. So Donald Duck is reaming Mickey Mouse, and the clients are in an uproar, prompting Michael to announce that the Scranton branch is at Threat Level Midnight. Michael alerts the media. As a means of controlling the story. A news conference (complete with 20 different levels of access) is organized. And of course, one guy shows up -- just enough to publicly document the debacle that takes place when a client angrily refuses to accept their novelty check for free paper.

To handle the surge in customer calls, Kelly gives Angela, Kevin, and Oscar a crash course in customer service. Kelly proclaims that "This day is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S, this day is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" Kelly then tells them that "I know the reason that you guys became accountants is ’cause you’re not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So gives yourselves a round of applause."

Before I go any further, I have to again give it up for Kelly, aka Mindy Kaling. She is absolutely stealing every scene she is in right now. While Pam mopes and Jim smirks and Michael and Dwight go crazy, there's Mindy Kaling in the background absolutely channeling that character. I now find myself hoping for Kelly scenes the same way I hoped for Smoking Man scenes back in my X-Files days.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Jim and Andy are dispatched to a local high school for some face-to-face damage control. Remember when I said before that Jim needed to grow a pair? Well, during this episode, he was taking Andy to task. Huzzah! First, because Andy is like Michael on Benzedrine. And secondly, because Andy recognizes one of the students as the girl he is dating. Man! That hurts. Andy is ultimately pretty upset about it, but in the end, Jim cheers him up without being too stupid about it. And there was nary a hint of Jim-Pam shenanigans this episode. Thank God.

Oh -- and Creed is now officially a dick. Before he was just crazy. But now, he's a crazy dick. He was the quality control guy, but didn't go to the mill to check the stocks. But he passes the blame to someone at the mill, and she gets fired. He then requests that the office folks put money in a card for her, and he pockets the money. Crazy dick.

"The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job," Creed explains. "So I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did when I was a homeless man."

So that's about it. Hilarious, fantastic episode. This post doesn't even remotely do it justice. Two thumbs way up. This one is definitely getting permanently Tivo'd this summer.

Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Previous recap of The Office [No One Appreciates Me]
- Recap of The Office: "The Negotiation" [No One Appreciates Me]

Technorati tags: The Office

The NBA playoffs are snoozy

Disappointing night in the NBA playoffs Wednesday. First off, the Wizards lost to the Cavs, 109-102. Nothing spells barnburner like a shitty team playing hard against a good team playing like shit. LeBron ended up with a nice stat line including 27 points, but he needed 22 shots to get there and missed all of this three-point attempts. The Wizards have been valiant throughout, but at this point, I just kind of want the season to be over. When your best player (Jamison) has no hope of checking their fourth-best player (Drew Gooden), then you're up a creek, my friend. Also, congrats to Jarvis Hayes for another big effort -- five big points on 2-13 shooting. You're an animal, Jarvis.

Awww...isn't he cute?

But the disappointments don't end there. The Mavs finally woke up and bulled their way past the Warriors in the second half last night. But the play was pretty uninspiring on both sides. Golden State's offense, even when it's clicking, is pretty ugly (it seems to be based entirely on broken plays). And Dallas is going to continue to flail like a headless chicken as long as presumed league MVP Dirk Nowitski continues to flail, also like that same animal. Dude. Dirk. You gotta post up those smaller defenders. What are you trying to prove?

And finally, the sawdust sandwich that is the San Antonio Spurs evened their series. Yippee. Every German's favorite team (well, maybe except the Mavs due to The Big German) is a model of emotionless efficiency. Tim Duncan has some wicked backboard angles. Electrifying! I'm sick of the holier-than-thou writers who come out every time the Spurs go deep in the playoffs to talk about how, if you don't like the Spurs, you're not a real basketball fan. No, buddy. YOU are not the basketball fan! A fan wants to be entertained. If I want to be dazzled by fundamentals, I'll go to fucking basketball camp. You snooty snot bag.

(l-r) Tony Parker and Tim Duncan warm up before game 2.

But Dirk and Timmaaay and all the other less-than-stellar stars are emblematic of the playoffs and the league right now. There are no real, honest-to-God stars out there. Maybe I'm spoiled by growing up in the golden age of basketball in the 1980s and 1990s, but still. It's bleak. Dirk isn't wired for the playoffs, Wade is still injured, Shaq and Iverson are getting old, Gilbert is sidelined, Duncan is so very very boring, Bosh and Melo are not bona fide stars, and Vince is a punk.

Did I miss anybody? Oh, right. Kobe. Now, he's just a sad situation. Like him or not, you have to feel bad for him, dashing himself against the rocks that are the Phoenix Suns every night. He's on such a mediocre team (largely his doing, but nevertheless) and he's so talented that I get frustrated for him. It's like the gorgeous girl with the psychology degree who waits tables at the diner down the road. Sure, she made some mistakes, but come on.

In the meantime, it looks like the only hope is Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns. Too bad they're going to lose to the Spurs. Hope you like sawdust.

Hyperlinks:
- Just Off The Mark [Washington Post]
- Mavs still waiting on Dirk [Dallas Morning News]
- Spurs' stars join fight [San Antonio Express-News]

Technorati tags: NBA Playoffs, Washington Wizards