Monday, April 30, 2007

Moss whines way to Patriots, Raiders await germination of magic beanstalk

One interesting piece of news out of this weekend's incredibly boring NFL draft. The awesome-but-aging Randy Moss was traded to the New England Patriots for a fourth-round pick after two crappy seasons with the Raiders. Moss had apparently been unhappy in Oakland and had repeatedly demanded a trade to either New England or Green Bay. The Raiders were able to accommodate him. Lesson for the kids here: if you're stuck in a bad situation, don't make the best of it, or "work your way out of it," or any such nonsense like that. Just bitch and whine until someone else takes care of the problem for you. Randy Moss likes to teach life lessons to the kids. He views it like a sort of legacy.

Randy Moss paints another thoughtful
metaphor for oh, so many things.

But what about the teams involved? The Patriots have gone all Redskins on us, acquiring Moss, Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker, and Adalius Thomas in an offseason spree that has to make them the Super Bowl favorites. Meanwhile, the Raiders used their fourth-round pick to draft John Bowie, a cornerback out of Kiffin College, which I believe is a small liberal arts school somewhere in Saskatchewan. I loved New England coach Bill Belichick's SportsCenter quote, saying "we worked hard to make this happen," or something like that. Well, did you really work THAT hard? You gave up a crappy draft pick for one of the most gifted receivers in NFL history. Was there a lot of wrangling there? What did you initially offer, like a bag of dried dog shit? A can of magic Goya kidney beans? Hey, Raiders. How about we let you give us Randy Moss, and maybe we could see our way to parting with, saaaaaay, this inanimate carbon rod. Don't look directly at the rod! It is very temperamental.

So all's well that ends well in the NFL. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and Al Davis continues to try and use a waffle iron to make a phone call. Dallas Cowboys on line two, Al. Or maybe your socks are just done drying.

Hyperlinks:
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See ya, Randy: Raiders send unhappy Moss to Pats for 4th-round pick [CNNSI]
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Police: Moss used car to bump traffic control agent [ESPN]
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Moss needs a role model, seriously [USA Today]
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Pats Go For Broke [CNNSI]

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1 comment:

Town E. Dispatch said...

This pisses me off. Sure, I'm a Steelers fan, and lately I've felt that the only thing standing between the Steelers and another ring are the Patriots (okay, and the Colts, and sometimes the Ravens too...).

But this trade makes no sense. Seriously Raiders? You just drafted a guy who can throw the football. Now, it's time to rid your team of anyone who can catch the football. Really? Way to go. Great draft day strategy there.

This means the Patriots will either go 16-0 (but lose to the black and gold in the playoffs) or 8-8 as Moss has a TO-esque meltdown the first time Belicheck disagrees with Randy's "I play when I want to" attitude.

Ahh... football. Can we please start football season already? thanks.