Thursday, May 17, 2007

I think I might hate the San Antonio Spurs

I was talking with some people the other day about this guy we all knew. A painfully quiet guy, to the point that if you walked up to him and said "hello," chances were 50-50 that he would make any kind of verbal response. And since he sat there in front of the television like your proverbial bump on a log, we all found him to be fairly boring. However, at the same time, we assumed that he was this great guy with a lot to offer once you got to know him. But as time went on, we found that to not be the case. At all. His hair-trigger temper emerged. He was a poor sport, both as a loser and a winner. He pouted all the time. He picked on his girlfriend. He literally laughed at the misfortunes of others. Needless to say, we don't see much of him anymore.

All of this is to prove the point that, just because someone is quiet, it doesn't automatically mean they are nice. And if they are not nice, you feel even worse about it in retrospect because you feel duped. This metaphor extends to the San Antonio Spurs.

I have previously equated the Spurs to a team of robots, just emotionlessly executing their game plan. But after the dirty play of the last few days, and the really jerky way they've handled themselves, I am concluding that the Spurs are not robots. They are evil robots.

The San Antonio Spurs execute yet another flawless evil game plan.

Of course, last night, Tim Duncan more or less had his way with Kurt Thomas in the Spurs close win over Phoenix. Thomas was standing in for Amare Stoudemire, who along with teammate Boris Diaw was suspended for leaving the bench to defend his teammate, Steve Nash, who had just been shoulder-blocked to the floor by Robert Horry. Horry was suspended two games, but the Suns lost two of their best players for one game. Can you believe these athletes today, leaving their benches all the time and what not? I'm telling you...our society is crumbling. In a world where bench-leaving is so rampant, what else is far behind? Religious war? Some kind of global disaster in which the planet experiences massive flooding and famine? Amid all the bench-leaving, anything is possible.

Of course, there is video evidence that Spurs guards Bruce Bowen and Manu Ginobili play dirty. Observe:

But of course, nothing happens to them. Such is the insidious evil robot network. Anyway, I really have nothing witty to say. I just dislike the Spurs.

Short-Handed Suns Falter Late [Washington Post]

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