Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Duke Sucks

Monster game tonight when the University of Maryland Terrapins go into Cameron Indoor Stadium to renew the nation's premier college basketball rivalry.

like it or not, Duke fans, that is what this is. I'm tired of Dookies always talking about how Maryland isn't their rival. Well, guess what, Dookies. You're not the only ones with a say in the matter, despite what your typical solipsism might suggest to you. And of course, there is the small matter of fact that, as of late, Maryland owns Duke. You can tell me all you want about Carolina being your "real" rival. And there may be a small grain of truth somewhere in that sentiment. (Of course, there is also truth to the fact that Duke would need a real football team for them to have a real rivalry with Maryland - or anyone.)

Wow - the Duke cheerleaders were never that great, but this is a new low!

But that's beside the point for these purposes. The point is, Maryland hates Duke,
we ain't scurrrred to bring it to you, we've had some seriously hardcore match-ups over the years, and did I mention, Maryland hates Duke. Both sides don't need to shake hands and sign a contract for a rivalry to exist, and there's no rivalry cap - you can have more than one. So keep on being sanctimonious about your rivalries, Dookies. No skin off my back. It's just unfortunate that we will continue to hate and beat you.

So why does everyone hate Duke? And before you answer, please spare me the "you're just jealous" angle. Maryland has its own national championship, a perpetually strong program, a massive fan base, a coach with both his original hips (okay, that was a low blow. But I'm not deleting it), and so on. You got nothing we need.

So you know what it is? It's your white-bread, holier-than-thou, goody-two-shoes program, with its perpetual band of fruity sharp-shooters and its smirking, elitist, lily-white, nerdy, self-congratulatory fans out there in the thriving metropolis that is greater Raleigh-Durham. It's all very smarmy and self-important and, gah, so irritating! The bottom line, Duke people, is that you're just not a very likable group. I've met some individual Dookies that I liked, but still, as a group you just rub people the wrong way. But don't take it from this Terp. Google "Duke Sucks" (as I have done
here) and see what comes up. Hell - even other Duke students dislike you!

(Sigh)..those Duke fans are SOOO clever!

Anyway, this is a big rivalry, period. And despite what the Duke lovers of the world say, I think Maryland has a shot to keep the winning streak going. We have good matchups with them - Strawberry/McCray on Redick, Caner-Medley on Melchionni, and so on. If we can find a way to stop Shelden Williams, we can be in this game. That's where my main man Travis Garrison comes in! Come on, buddy! Pretend
it's Western Carolina all over again! I've said before Maryland's key to success this year is to play every game like it's the Duke game. Well, it starts with the genuine article. The real season starts tonight. GO TERPS!!!!

(Top Photo Credit:

1 comment:

Town E. Dispatch said...


that is the greatest thing since sliced bread. i knew i hated duke, but now i hundreds of other good reasons to do so, as well.


besides, richard nixon is a duke grad. 'nuff said.