Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I'm pumped for the State of the - ah, screw it, I'm going to the movies

So, it's all about Bush turning over a new leaf, and saying good-bye to the problems - the many problems - no, the many, MANY problems - that plagued his presidency and his party last year. This is a time of renewal, of rebirth. Tonight's State of the Union Address is where it alllll begins.


He's just going to BS through it anyway. These are always BS nowadays - just a free, extended informercial for the president and his party. And Bush will be no different - depending on who you ask, the best and/or worst quality of the president who brought you such State-of-the-Union hits as "Axis of Evil," and "weapons of mass destruction" is his utter inability to admit when he has gone wrong.

So screw it. I'm going to see King Kong instead.

Movie theater, I'm making you a top priority again. (APPLAUSE)

And that's a noble action on my part. With these last few months of mine involving job change, a marriage, and buying a home, not to mention the recently completed holidays, I've fallen dangerously behind in my movie watching. So tonight, I will turn over a new leaf of my own. (APPLAUSE) It's time for me to rededicate myself to this nation's cinematic output. (STANDING APPLAUSE) It's time for me to look in the mirror, and ask myself one question. Are you satisfied - really and truly satisfied - with the amount of movies that you're watching? And I must say, that I can do better. (APPLAUSE)

Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, Syriana, The Squid and the Whale, Munich, The Producers, Good Night and Good Luck, and the list goes on and on, of movies that have gone unwatched by me. But this is my promise - that list ends here. (WILD APPLAUSE) Because, starting tonight, I've got a new attitude. (STANDING APPLAUSE) I'm going to see these films. (APPLAUSE) And with God as my witness, we'll return to glory and prominence. (STANDING APPLAUSE) And may the Lord bless and keep these United States of America. (WILD, FRENZIED APPLAUSE, WITH SOME "HUZZAH"S THROWN IN). Thank you.


Town E. Dispatch said...

howabout starting by crossing chronicles of narnia off of your list. that movie sucked. it was like diet lord of the rings. king kong, however was money. it was long, but the last half hour make it soooooo worth it. plus jack black fights giant spiders. can't miss that!

Train Wreck said...

If you're going to the movies....who's watching you house?!

MSH said...

This guy!