Friday, July 28, 2006

Fergie is just not attractive, there I said it

So my wife got a trial subscription of Cosmopolitan magazine. The first issue she received, this month's issue, is dubbed The Hot Issue and includes features such as 10 Ways To Drive Him Wild in Bed, The Sexiest Ways To Have Sexy Sex, and so forth. (Verrrrrrrrry different thematically from other Cosmo issues, by the way.) Who graces the cover of The Hot Issue, you ask? Eva Longoria? Jessica Alba? The wildly underrated Maria Menounos?

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT.

It's Fergie. You know, from the Black-Eyed Peas? Er, yeah.


Oh, excuse me, sir. I didn't see you there.

Can you see that cover? I defy you to look at her and tell me she's attractive. Yeah, I know she has a flat stomach, but is that what you're basing your entire decision on? The rest of her body isn't even that great. Overall, though, she's taking the phrase
"butter face" to a new level. Look at her! Is that a pretty face? Or does it look like The Dog took her around back to the shed and kicked her in the grille a few times? Answer me! This is one of those girls people think is hot because she's popular right now, but in 10 years people are going to rag you for it. Trust me. Hell, I'm doing it right now! I'm hatin' on you, playa!

So let's remove our blinders about Fergie and her alleged hotness. The emperor wears no clothes! Plus, the fact that she performed
one of the worst songs ever, and once peed her pants onstage ain't exactly sweetening the deal. I say we make a clean break and move on.

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2 comments:

I.P. Daily said...

We should shave her ass and teach her to walk backward.

But seriously, we should cut her a break for her butter face en lieu of her musical genious. Could the songbird originator of such classics as "Nah nah nah nah, don't play with my heart!" and "My humps, my lovely lady lumps, check it out!" be held to the same level of scrutiny usually reserved for mere mortals? I think not. Don't resent the perfects M.S. Harris.

Anonymous said...

i agree that she's not attractive at all.

but all cosmopolitan issues are ridden with sex. all of them. check out the website; they post a sex position of the week.