Jessica Alba - you're on notice

There's a reason I stole that line from Stephen Colbert. It was only fitting. Reason being is that this week, Jessica Alba proved herself to be just another bag of Hollywood meat - vapid, thoughtless, hypocritical. Why all the vitriol? Her speech after a win at the MTV Movie Awards for her striptease in Sin City (whatever award category that is).

"Thanks to all the perverts who voted for me," Alba said upon accepting (she also hosted the show, which airs Thursday).


What? I'm rubbing my hip because I
got a jellyfish sting. And this photo shoot
is for a film about nature.

Now, I didn't vote for this. I don't watch the MTV Movie Awards. And with the exception of "Sin City," I've never seen a minute of her TV or film work. What gets me is that she sexualized herself in "Sin City," gladly took the money for the role, gladly took the movie award, then called her fans (those loyal enough to vote for her) "perverts." Is that because some of your fans are heterosexual males who enjoy it when a sexy girl takes off her clothes? You are a pervert if you enjoy that? And if you truly feel that way, doesn't enabling that behavior make you a pervert as well? It's not like guys were up in a tree, looking up her skirt with binoculars as she went into the bathroom. And it's not as if her role in "Sin City" was a seemingly innocuous role from which people of a certain mindset were forced to extract certain ambiguous forms of sexuality. She played a stripper! And she stripped!

What if Cheryl Tiegs had called Sports Illustrated readers "perverts" after her famous fishnet spread in the 1978 SI Swimsuit Issue? A premature end to the sexual revolution, that's what. After thinking it over, I really believe that.

That, of course, would be the very same sexual revolution that allows Hollywood meat bags like Alba to become celebrities with their bodies. After all, what other conceivable reason could there be for Jessica Alba's celebrity? It's not acting. Don't get me wrong, when your body is a 10 out of 10 (like Alba's), then use what you got to make your money. But 30 years ago, if Tiegs, et al. had called out their fans for celebrating the very attributes they themselves were putting on display, Alba and hundreds like her would not have nearly the careers they have now. It's disingenuous, it's condescending, it's ungrateful, and it's stupid.

And like most stupid things, this is all Britney's fault. This is definitely a move from the Spears playbook. It's artificial naivete. Alba is simply giving herself plausible deniability. Slink around mostly naked, use that to create popularity, and when you are recognized (or criticized) for it, say that people who notice you for that reason are just icky pre-verts. You're a SERIOUS ARTIST. It's like sucker-punching someone and then taunting them for having anger management issues when they try to retaliate. It's like opening a delicous pastry stand, then calling your customers gluttonous fat-asses. So I'm pulling your card, Jessica Alba. Quit crapping where you eat. I know you're reading this. And I don't care if you were only joking. One thing about Hollywood is, there's always an assembly line of shapely meat bags to take your place.

Hyperlink:
Washington Post story link

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