Wednesday, April 18, 2007

All right, what else is on TV?

OK. Time to get out of the funk. No more CNN. What else is on? Ahh, yes. American Idol. Where I never have to do no thinkin. Here comes Ryan Seacrest now.

"We would like to offer our thoughtsandprayers..."

Great. Here we go. Another round of thoughtsandprayers. Thoughtsandprayers this, and thoughtsandprayers that. Those words have all the meaning of parsnip mash. But it's the new American mantra. Let's call it The Mantra of Perfunctory Condolence. People shake that phrase around like an old woman shakes her rosary beads. Hey, I'm part of the healing process! I posted thoughtsandprayers on my Myspace profile!

Anyway. Moving on. Even with thoughtsandprayers, Idol is still miles better than CNN. After all,
it's country night, y'all! C'mon! I knew guest judge/coach Martina McBride would bring the biting criticisms. When I think Martina McBride, I think "acid tongue." So we went through the singers. Don't remember Phil, Jordin was good, Sanjaya was gawd awful even for Sanjaya, then there were some other ones, Melinda faked incredulity, Blake was pretty good, aaand we're clear. Although at one point, Chris Richardson (right after receiving some harsh criticisms from the judges) offered thoughtsandprayers for Va. Tech. And the camera caught Simon rolling his eyes. Then, in the next segment, Simon dismissively offered thoughtsandprayers as well, while looking all the time as if he was fighting off the urge to add "blah blah blah" to the end of his sentence. Now Chris is a good Virginia boy like me, so I'm sure it hit home for him. But he did time his thoughtsandprayers announcement rather impeccably for maximum vote-milking. Still, Simon could have been a little less, I don't know, assholish about it. But guess what. Simon is an asshole. Twenty years from now, he's going to pull a Don Imus, everyone is going to pretend to be shocked, and that'll be that. Flag the tape. This will happen.

But I'm backsliding...what's on another channel? There were the
Washington Wizards, struggling to win a game -- any game -- as they end their regular season. The last home game came last night against the Orlando Magic. Antawn Jamison played out of his mind, scoring more than half the team's points with 48. Antonio Daniels was incredibly gutty, driving to the basket time after time despite a sore back that was clearly killing him. And Etan Thomas gave one of the best all-around pure efforts I've ever seen him give. And they still lost. I saw it coming when Etan fouled out and they brought in Brendan Pouty-Pants Haywood. Pouty Pants promptly fumbled away a rebound, then on the other end, played limp-wristed defense against Yakov Smirnoff Hedo Turkoglu for the game-clinching shot. Jarvis had a decent game for a change, but was of course completely invisible in the fourth quarter. The middle of the second quarter, though? Man. That's Jarvis Time!

The Wiz have one more game and then the playoffs start Saturday. I'm afraid to watch. So while it was actually a pretty crappy night of TV, it was Christmas and March Madness rolled into one compared to the last two days. Great times. Go mindless entertainment!

On Idol's Country Night, Simon is the Man in Black [Washington Post]
Wizards Falter Once Again [Washington Post]

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