Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Tales of Poetic Justice, featuring Joe Francis

Didn't we have it all, Joe Francis? Didn't we? A young guy, making money hand over fist creating the Girls Gone Wild empire, selling DVDs and merchandise like there was no tomorrow. You had a huge estate in Mexico that reportedly contained a so-called Anything Button, to fulfill any number of hedonistic desires. Who knows? You may have even gotten laid once or twice along the way.

Joe Francis was living the high life.

But here comes the first twist. Are you ready? Turns out Joe Francis was kind of a dick. I know, can you believe it? He reportedly mistreated women! He lacked proper respect for the rules! And as we all know from Bible study, pride goeth before the perp walk.

But Joe had to learn the hard way. The federal government sued him in 2003 for allegedly filming underage women for Girls Gone Wild -- I know, how in the world did they get through the filter? -- and as they were settling the case, he yelled at plaintiffs. He then called the federal judge a "judge gone wild." Cute! Do you get it? That's really cute.

Joe Francis thought he had it all figured out.

But unfortunately, the judge didn't get the joke (it's a play on the "Girls Gone Wild" thing, your honor) and sentenced Francis to 35 days in jail for contempt. After this is over, Francis now faces up to 100 years in jail on state charges of filming the underage women and bringing drugs into his jail cell while awaiting trial. During his stay, a convicted murderer in the next cell over is serenading him with a special refrain: "Girls Gone Wild! Joe Francis! WOOOOOOO!" Over. And over. Again. And apparently, it is literally driving Joe crazy. Dare I say, he is going, oh I don't know, WILD? Oh, no. It's just too delicious! Now all we need is to find him dangling from the ceiling by a bra strap, and the cycle will be complete. We'll be right back, after this word from Taster's Choice.

Joe Francis' next DVD may have disappointing sales.

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