Man, Maurice, if you're reading this, call me! You didn't show up for the drunken crime spree last night! What gives? We were all waiting! You had one job, Mo. ONE job. Bring the guns. But could you handle that? Nope. You sure couldn't.
I can't believe you left us sitting there on the corner, watching the bitch go in and out of her house. And now, thanks to you, she's still going in and out of her house!
Don't tell me you ended up in jail again.
What would that be, your third time this
week? Call someone else for bail money
this time, motherfucker.
Don't tell me you got cold feet. Isn't that why I bought you the vodka? You were supposed to get drunk AFTER we killed the bitch. And then we were going to go on that big crime spree. Remember? We were gonna knock over that Burger King, and then we were gonna break into that kid's house who has all those baseball cards, and then take 'em to the flea market and sell 'em, and then rob the flea market guy who buys old Nintendo games and carries around that big wad of tens and twenties? Remember when you traded him Double Dribble for a pack of black and milds? It was right after you signed with the Eastern Indoor Football League. And you were like "man, we should rob that guy sometime." Was that just talk, Mo? Was it?
Either way, if you're reading this, find a pay phone and call me. Oh, and before I forget, I want my bulletproof vest back. That's the last time I lend you anything. Jerk.
- Clarett Arrested With Loaded Guns [Washington Post]
- Michael Wilbon lays the smack down [Washington Post]
- Clarett Arrested Near House of Woman who was planning to testify against him [Fox 19 Cincinnati]
- Maurice Clarett's Imaginary League [Deadspin]
Technorati tags: Maurice Clarett, sports, football, humor, sports humor, crime spree