Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Here's what's going to happen to the Redskins this season

Okay. I know it's only one week in real time, but in actuality, this Redskins season has been going on for six years now. Last night's piddling 19-16 loss to the Vikings was just a continuation of a theme from which the team only momentarily emerges for temporary bouts of success. So to that end, here is my ironclad prediction for the Washington Redskins season. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar.

1) Redskins spend offseason making sweeping coaching changes, high-fiving each other over high-profile free agent signings, reading own press clippings, and woofing about how they are definitely DEFINITELY going to the Super Bowl this year. Not trying to go. Going.

2) Season begins to much fanfare. They drop the first two games in close fashion, due to atrocious special teams, a disorganized offense, inability to stop other teams when it counts, strange and untimely penalties, and plain bad luck.

3) The losses pile up and become a losing streak, culminating with a brutally one-sided loss to a division rival or elite league team (this year, Week 5 at the Giants). Players and coaches shrug and make comments along the lines of "I don't know how to explain it, we're such a talented group," "we're just a play or two away," and "we're staying positive. It's only a matter of time before we turn this thing around."

4) Losses continue. Local and national media put out their annual midseason "What Happened To The Redskins?" pieces. Team is left for dead.

5) Team starts winning.

6) Team puts together winning streak. Fans and local media re-drink the Kool-Aid -- "They can still win the division!"

7) Team has big game that could determine whether they do, in fact, win division -- this season, Week 14 against the Eagles. Redskins lose.

8) Redskins win remaining games, talking all the while of "staying positive" and going for a wild card.

9) Team finishes 9-7 and can still get the wild card -- but they need some help! They need the Cardinals and Cowboys to lose.

10) Cardinals lose.

11) Cowboys win.

12) Despite missing the playoffs, team is "staying positive" due to late-season winning streak. "We're gonna be ready next year," says one player. "I think next year, we could do some big things."

13) Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sorry to be such a Negative Nelly, and I really hope I'm wrong. But am I the only one who feels like he's seen this movie before? Probably not. Go Skins...please make an idiot out of this fan (as you did last year) who's way too young to be such a pessimist.

Thank you,


Kicking Themselves [Washington Post]

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Gary Aiken said...

The Redskins had no reason to lose that game. They had a total of 2 penalties to who knows how many the Vikings had in the first half. The defense never made any stops when it mattered, and in the second half made lots of mental mistakes. Coaching and Play calling were abysmal. Why on earth did they kick the field goal with 17 seconds left and first down less than a yard away? That one made NO SENSE - people at the game were just surprised... "It's over? What happened? We scored 3 points in the second half?!"

ombudsman said...

Gary, they kicked a field goal with 17 seconds left because it was 4th down and they had no timeouts. The refs didn't give Randel-El a good spot and he was short of the first. Normally I'd call you an idiot but even John Hall didn't realize it was 4th down.

Unsilent Majority said...

Mr. Solomon, that would be "Randle" El.

I feel like bashing my head into a cinderblock right now.

Masterlock Jr. said...

bro - i've seen this episode before too. erie feeling. the defense will keep the team in games, but that offense is going to need some help. Brunnel is just not going to work.

Masterlock Jr. said...

oh, and BTW, saw your link on Deadspin. they think you're dreamy. haha. nice work.

Anonymous said...

you should know by now that they played a flawless game and are easily the most talnted in the entire NFL. everyone else is just jealous, inlcuding the referees, therefore the odds are stacked against them every year.

Mr. Smooth said...

That is correct... You have seen this movie before only this time, it stars Tom Cruise!! I'm sure 3 million isn't what it used to be but it can buy you either Tom Cruise OR a field goal kicker but apparently, not both!!

MSH said...

Yes! Dan Snyder should petition the league. Instead of kicking field goals, the Redskins should be able to bring out a manically grinning Tom Cruise and have him do double-finger-pistols at everyone until the refs give them three points.

TheDymond said...


Did you hear the stat Tony K threw out during the game? None of the pro bowler free agents signed by them in the Daniel Snyder era has ever made the pro bowl again! That's incredible! Is Daniel Snyder Peter Angelos in disguise?

Senor Beavis said...

I've got 2 words for Archuleta: Stanley Richard. And John Hall has to have pictures of Snyder and Tom Cruise doing the Wild Thing, because. I don't know any right-minded Skins fan who expected him to even come close. For all the Skins' gaudy defensive stats the past couple years, they still have a high-level of late game chokeability. And now I can't blame it on LaVar.

Craig said...

Spot on analysis. It's not easy to be a "middle of the road with an outside shot at the playoffs" each year, but the Redskins have perfected it. Most teams are either legitimately good, or bad enough that they begin working towards the future before the end of the year. But the Skins are never legitimately good, and always win just enough to justify going for the playoffs.

Here's a question: How long is it going to be before Sean Taylor goes from "talented but mercurial star who makes enough plays to justify his lack of discipline " to "enormous chemistry-destroying headache". I think there's an outside chance that the transition happens before the end of this season.

Anonymous said...

Great call. They remain consistently just good enough to break your heart. If they were 4-12, it would be a different story. We'd be pissed, but write the season off and move on. But in classic Redskins fashion, they stink, then give you that ray of hope, only to crush your dreams.


FieryDamsel said...

Part of being a Redskins fan is knowing you'll have to dig deep mid-season to find the love. Regardless of everything you've outlined, the Skins are still the best team in the NFL to root for. They have spirit, history and chutzpah. They're like tequila - you know it's going to hurt you in the morning, but you still look forward to the burn.

MSH said...

Nice simile! I applaud your never-say-die attitude. Maybe this is why I'm a vodka man.

DC Sports Chick said...

Bwah! Yes, I think you called it, quite accurately.

Robert Jordan said...

NOAM, thanks for prognosticating. now i dont have to watch the rest of the dreadful season.