Thursday, September 21, 2006

Son? Sorry to break it to you, but you're part macaca!

In a strange twist on one of the strangest stories of this political election season, Virginia Senator George Allen, who is running for re-election, recently heard from his 83-year-old mother that he is, in fact, part North African Jew.

"Oh my God," Allen reportedly said upon receiving the news. "You mean...you mean to tell me...that I...George Allen...am part macaca????"

"Yes, I am afraid it is true," said Mrs. Allen, who decided to shield their children from the terrible truth of their macaca heritage for decades and decades. "But I feel much better having told you. And at least now, you can use this piece of information to try and demonstrate to voters that, when you called that little brown macaca a macaca, that in a way, you were calling him a brother! You were saluting one of your own, and expressing solidarity with him!"

"Yes, I think you may be right, mother," Allen responded. "Secretary whatever-your-name-is? Get the Post on the phone! I'm leaking this like a pregnant woman after a night of macaca food!"

So congratulations, Senator. Feel free to start peppering your stump speeches with "oye vey"s and "a kine hora"s and "the last time I visited my homeland of Africa" stories at your leisure. And oh, by the way...L'shana tova, senator. I hope the new year finds you well. You'll have to tell us all about your long, authentic, and very sincere observance as soon as you are back at work next week.

Hyperlinks:
-
Allen's Mother Revealed Jewish Heritage to Him Last Month [Washington Post]
-
Senator Jethro, or whatever your name is, I don't think I like you [No One Appreciates Me]

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2 comments:

ombudsman said...

I forwarded this to my friend and she thought it was from the onion.

MSH said...

The Onion doesn't have nearly the level of non-access that I do. Plus, they're a bunch of liberals. And I suspect they may employ macacas on a non-custodial level. Nevertheless, I will assume that was a compliment, and accept it as such.