Monday, September 18, 2006

Mark Brunell, you're on notice

Once again, I'm stealing from Stephen Colbert. But again, with good reason. Mark Brunell, I'll get to you in a second. First, I have some semi-self-congratulatory news. Remember my Redskins post last week? In it I predicted:
Redskins drop the first two games...Players and coaches shrug and make comments along the lines of "I don't know how to explain it, we're such a talented group," and "we're staying positive."
In today's Post article on last night's loss to Dallas, we read:
Nobody in the Washington Redskins' locker room knew how to explain why they were heading home winless..."I'm still confident. I'm confident in everything we're doing," said wide receiver Santana Moss.
Once again, my wizarding abilities have shone through. But anyway, judging by Moss's constant head-shaking on the field last night, I'll assume he was kind of sort of lying about his feelings on the Skins QB play, which was dismal and abysmal. And that is why, Mr. Brunell, you are on notice.


Redskins History in Pictures: The Brunell Years.

In his quote, Moss was defending Brunell's 197 yard, zero touchdown, one interception performance. And the stats are actually BETTER than what actually happened. Let's go to the play-by-play game breakdown. Here we see that 112 of his 197 yards came in the fourth quarter, when the game was already out of reach. So for the portion of the game that was actually contested, Brunell threw for 85 yards. Eight. Fiver. He underthrew, overthrew, couldn't avoid pressure, missed open guys, and generally looked uncomfortable in the offense. Does that about sum it up? Oh, wait, there's also the fact that he can't throw a football 30 yards. The only one he threw more than 20 actually sprouted wings and started quacking in midair. If only the ball had migrated out of the stadium. Alas, it was intercepted at the goalline to kill any remaining Skins momentum. Ball game.


Unleash the Mark Brunell Deep Ball!


But of course, no quarterback change is coming. This could be because Gibbs and Brunell are brothers in the Christian Right whose on-field relationship hinges on more than what actually happens on the field. Or, it could be that we don't have other options. Todd Collins, anyone? I love the drink that bears his name. Wait, that's a Tom Collins. Okay, so Todd Collins has nothing going for him. And (alleged) QB-of-the-future Jason Campbell hasn't exactly wowed anyone.

So for now, we're stuck with this completely washed-up guy trying to convince himself he can still handle things. It's like watching an old person on their first day as a grocery store clerk, and the line is 10 deep, and some guy is insisting that shredded coconut is not technically a taxable item in this county, and a woman just started slapping her kid, and the manager is on break, and the UPC scanner just broke.

I know it's not all Brunell's fault. The O-line sucked, the secondary was repeatedly burned, and they're still without Clinton Portis. Still, a lot of it is on Brunell. His NFL career is D-U-N, done. You know it, I know it, the Redskins' opponents know it, the American people know it. The sooner something -- anything -- is done to fix it, the better. But the first step, Redskins, is admitting you have a problem.

Hyperlinks:
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Texas Toast [Washington Post]
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In burgundy, simply undressed [Washington Times]
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God Squad - Joe Gibbs, the Washington Redskiks, Mark Brunell, Champions for Christ, etc. [Washington City Paper]

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1 comment:

I.P. Daily said...

They have fallen victim to the Jason Campbell's Chunky Soup curse.