Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving, unless you have a rollie bag

On this my first day back from Thanksgiving break (and I'm not going to say "the holiday" anymore, because Thanksgiving is a secular holiday, and everyone in America celebrates it, so why are we so afraid to say that word?), I am full of a peaceful feeling of atunement with the world. People have an extra spring in their step as the holidays approach. Isn't a grand time, simply grand?

Well, maybe not. Especially after this morning, when a certain recent trend reached its tipping point for me. I speak of course, of the new scourge of the morning commute. The wheeled suitcase, or rollie bag. And to that end, let this blog post serve as a declaration of hostility toward said bag. If you roll your rollie bag over or even near my foot, it is getting stepped on. You have been warned.

Whoops, sorry, chief. Did I get your foot there?

Especially for people like me who take the train to work, rollie bags are a major hazard. Not only do they roll over people, but they are always brandished by commuters who stand right in the middle of the walkways, forcing others to step around or over their luggage. If you have a rollie bag, you might as well wear a sign as well: I Am A Lazy, Inconsiderate Jerkoff.

I know, I know: some people need to use these because of back problems, shoulder problems, etc. But take it from a guy who has tendinitis in both shoulders and still carries his work back on his shoulders each day without a problem: it's not that big of a deal, you wuss. And if your bodily troubles are so bad that you can not bear to carry a 20-pound back around, maybe mass transit isn't for you. I can hook you up with a really nice short bus that will come right to your house!

But overall, I think people who say they use rollie bags because of health concerns are, you know, lying. It couldnt be because they saw someone using one on The Apprentice, now could it? Oh, that's right, I forgot -- you don't even watch TV. How silly of me! Please, go back to rolling your bag down the platform, running over everyone in the process, obliviously yapping on your cell phone and chomping your panini. Sorry I bothered you.

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