Surrender yourself to The Super Bowl

Resistance is futile. Give in to the hype. You must become one with it. And then and only then shall you know the ways of Super Bowl Madness. And so forth.

The hype really does hit a fever pitch right about now. With two weeks between the conference games and The Big Game, the media storylines and angles really wear thin. How many carrots did they dangle in front of Joey Porter before he finally bit and started running his mouth? I wouldn't be surprised if some reporter went to Jerramy Stevens and said "I'll give you a thousand bucks if you say something to piss of Joey Porter." And then wrote him a bad check for it.

But hey, they are the sports media, and there are two weeks between games, and they have to talk about something, because they can't just cancel "SportsCenter" and the Sports sections, and not talking about the biggest sporting event in the world would be kind of negligent. So it's an unavoidable evil, I guess. Unless you want to start making it one week.

By the way, I'm officially tired of the sports media's two main storylines - mocking the fact that the "rest of the media" is focused on Jerome Bettis' return home and quest for a ring, and congratulating the Seahawks while simultaneously making a point to withhold respect from the team, talk about how obscure they are to us big, bad, jaded East Coasters, and so on.

Sports media people can be so tiresome like this. It's like it's a contest to see who can out-cynic the others, or who can be the biggest jerk. Have you ever heard the theory that when girls dress up, they're really dressing up to impress other girls and not guys? Well, I feel like sports reporters nowadays formulate their stories based on what's going to impress their sources and colleagues, rather than what will actually, you know, interest the viewers or readers. And that's why I tend to ignore the sports media during times like this. But hey, that's just one guy's opinion.

As for game day, I'm spending it at home this year. And you know what that means - unbridled food intake. That's right - I throw it all out the window on Super Bowl Sunday, and I don't care what anyone says. I'm dipping Krispy Kreme donuts in nacho cheese. I'm deep-frying cotton candy, slicing it up, and serving it on an onion roll with bacon, swiss cheese, and extra mayo. I'm concocting a fine slurry of Oreo cookies, guacamole, and Budweiser, with just a touch of clotted cream for texture. It's just my way of further surrendering to the day.

As for the actual game - they're still having it? - I predict that the Steelers win a boring one, but don't cover that ridiculous four-point spread. The keys to the game? What the keys always are - who plays better. Final score: Steelers 20, Seahawks 17.