Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dear Tony Kornheiser

Dear Tony,

Just read
your column about how much you love J.J. Redick, how great of a pro you're convinced he'll be after watching him play Maryland the other night, and how "small" the opinions are of those who dislike him. Interesting.

Now I know you're King of the Sports Section, Tony, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take issue with you here.

In the interest of full disclosure,
I hate Duke. I hate Redick, too. And I resent you - supposedly an insightful voice in the sports world - basically taunting me and other Duke detractors with "nyah nyah nyah nyah, you're just jealous." Well, that just wraps it all up in a neat little package, doesn't it? Except for the fact that it's not an accurate statement.

The fact is, Duke has nothing I want. My team - The Maryland Terrapins - got its national championship, and is a strong program. They are good in many non-basketball sports as well, unlike the Blue Devils. I got a good education there and I'm proud to have gone to school there. So there's no jealousy here.

What I dislike about Duke and Redick (and granted, I am generalizing here) is the fact that they are by and large a bunch of smug, snot-nosed, elitist, arrogant, holier-than-thou, disagreeable, lily-white trust-fund babies who
get all the calls and who seem programmed to joylessly play basketball as if their lives depended on it. In other words, they pretty much embody what I don't like in a person. Is it still okay if I choose which characteristics I dislike in people and sports teams (which undoubtedly have "personalities"), and then proceed to dislike them based on those characteristics? Is that still allowed? Disliking people?

So the "you're just jealous" angle that you play here, Tony, is trite, untrue, ill-intended and equally ill-taken. As is your claim that people dislike Redick for "small" reasons. Tony, I thought your role in the sports discourse was to foster discussion, make interesting points, and help set a local and national sports agenda. Your latest column, however, seems to be nothing more than a naked attempt to piss people off. Liking J.J. Redick is your right. Just like it is my right to dislike him. Saying my reasons for disliking him are "small" is in and of itself a small act - especially while presuming to tell me what my own reasons are for disliking him.

So your judgments and jumpy conclusions are hereby not accepted. Maybe next time you should make some balanced statements instead of throwing some knee-jerk bouquets to whichever player you can stay awake long enough to watch, and using your bully pulpit to hurl insults at anyone who feels differently.

Finally, Tony, just so you have all the facts, here's some
delightful poetry from your hero I thought you might want to read and memorize! Isn't it sweet? J.J. for poet laureate, right? How will you quit him now, Tony?

Thank you for granting time to me, the smallest of the small. Just a Terp fan weighing in with his tiny two cents.

Sincerely,

No One Appreciates Me


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4 comments:

Town E. Dispatch said...

what scares me about this, is not kornheiser's take. i like tony, and i don't agree with him all the time, but i think he's as good as it gets as far as sports-punditry.

however, the link to redick's poetry is terrifying. he write poetry the way he plays basketball, with a smirk of 'i know more than you' on his face. fuck jj. fuck duke. fuck shitty poetry.

MSH said...

I like Tony, too, on the whole. His sports takes could use a little more knowledge, but by and large he's great. I just don't like it whenever anyone assumes they know why I feel a certain way about something, and then call names based on that presumption. Calling someone's reasoning "small" without even knowing that reasoning is unacceptable.

Train Wreck said...

wow. that poetry is f*cking awful. Miserable. I feel dirty.

MSH said...

Yeah, it's bad even for bad college poetry. Only the strength I draw from the words of Nas and my Heavenly Father got me through it.