This "Tiger Woods" and his new tournament causing mass chaos in Washington

Ugly, ugly scene in the nation's capital today. As the drama unfolds, one question lingers in the minds of so many innocent bystanders -- why? Why are guys in Izod shirts and checkered pants wreaking havoc in the streets today? Do you think it's because some guy named Tiger Woods is going to host an annual PGA golf tournament here in DC starting this July 4 weekend?

I have noticed that the local punditry are going a little crazy over this today. But not as crazy as those golfers in the streets. So many slapped backs...so many heartily shaken hands...it's tough to watch. And you thought Shaun Livingston's injury was bad...this is the real nightmare, man! You don't even know what we're going through down here right now! They're all outside my window as I type this, drinking Scotch and chucking the empty rocks glasses at passing cars, and then yelling out "Fore!" in this really mocking way before speeding off in their golf carts. Ssssh! Don't attract their attention! They're moving in foursomes!

Here comes another one!

Once the dust settles here (if it ever settles) I wonder who in the general population will care about this event beyond this small, beside-itself enclave. I mean, a PGA golf tournament? In the very wealthy nation's capital? Over Independence Day weekend? For charity? How many Mensa society members did they have to cram into an Omega-3 Fatty Acid plant before someone came up with that one? Not many, I'll bet. Yeah. And who is this Tiger Woods gentleman? I wonder if he'll have any drawing power at all. I'm not dealing with that demolition derby they call a parking lot over at Avenel just to see some hacker in yellow capri pants beat that dreamy Phil Mickelson. Again. *Sigh*

Either way, this "Tiger" guy's charitable foundation, called the Tiger Woods Foundation -- and again, who are the ad wizards? -- is going to be the event's main sponsor, so at least that's something. No longer will the specter of the Booz Allen Classic or Siemens Open hang over the heads of local golf fans.

Speaking of local golf fans, here comes some guy brandishing a three wood at me and shouting something about buying a round of grilled chicken caesar salads to celebrate. Well, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. See you later.

Hyperlinks:
- With Woods' Backing, PGA Tour To Return To Area [Washington Post]
- Wilbon: The Greatest Draw in Sports [Washington Post]
- Boswell: No Longer Waiting in Vain [Washington Post]
- Tiger Woods Foundation

Technorati tags: PGA, Tiger Woods, Washington, D.C., golf