Hyperlinks:
- Britney shaves her f&#$ing head [TMZ.com]
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Britney Spears, The Wall, crazy people
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Now Britney's shaved all over for you, baby
Crazy news...literally. I'm not much of a celebrity watcher but this is just nuts. What do you say when a girl who was once one of the hottest pop stars on the planet unexpectedly shaves her head amid reports of a rehab trip? All of a sudden, the Matt Lauer interview doesn't look so bad. But either way, this should be great for her flagging musical career and looming child custody battles. And by great, I mean "terrible." And in the meantime, we plebians, who never understood, can only guess at her state of mind...
Hyperlinks:
- Britney shaves her f&#$ing head [TMZ.com]
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Britney Spears, The Wall, crazy people
Hyperlinks:
- Britney shaves her f&#$ing head [TMZ.com]
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Britney Spears, The Wall, crazy people
Friday, February 16, 2007
Recap of The Office: "Business School"
Amid the stinging wind chills and the frozen snow sludge piled in gray and yellow heaps and packed into dreary treacherous sheets along the thoroughfares this week, I can't help but feel a little Scrantonesque as we hit what, for my money, is the low point of the Gregorian calendar. So what better way to cheer up than to laugh at a depressed fake rendition of the real Scranton, as portrayed in another quality sweeps-month episode of "The Office"?
While Michael is away from Dunder Mifflin for a presentation to Ryan's business class (he needs the extra credit), a little tomfoolery ensues as Dwight unearths a bat that was living in the ceiling. Hijinx! Jim uses it as an opportunity to convince Dwight he was bitten and is becoming a vampire. While it was really hard to believe that was meant to be believeable, it was still funny. Especially at the end, when Jim wraps his coat around himself as he leaves, with Dwight soberly remarking that "Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey. And I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm." Specifically, catching the bat in a garbage bag. Good lookin out, Dwight.
The center of this episode, however, was Michael. Predictably (but no less amusing despite that), Michael attempts to give this uber-inspirational speech at Ryan's college, which brings back for him "so many memories, that I would have made." The speech includes tearing pages out of a poor student's text book to remind them to learn life lessons, and throwing theme candy into the crowd ("Once you have a Pay Day" -- throw candy -- "eventually you can make 100 Grand" -- throw candy). Not only was this funny in and of itself, it was clever because it showed how stupid these kinds of things actually are when they are not in movies. No one standing on their desks one by one to slowly applaud here. Perhaps the funniest piece of advice Michael gave the kids was that "There are four kinds of business. Tourism. Food service. Railroads. And sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel." Indeed. Now there's some wisdom you really can't get from a book.
At the end of the show, Michael gets another forum. Pam is participating in a local art show, and as her ex-fiance Roy (they are now back together, with Roy making ham-fisted attempts to relate to her) painfully pretends to enjoy himself ("Pam, your art is the best art of all the art") and Oscar and his lover trash her work without knowing she can hear them (OF COURSE it's the gay couple that does this), Pam is looking forlorn. Cue Jim to saunter in and offer up double entendres about the beauty all around him -- art-wise, of course. But no. Instead, in comes Michael, who in the same boyish way he made a buffoon of himself in business class, genuinely marvels at her work and buys a sketch she did of the office, to hang in the office. An appreciative Pam gives him a heartfelt hug. It was SO very nice. Until she feels something hard in his pocket. It's a Chunky bar, left over from the business presentation. Does she want half?
And that concluded this week's episode. Still no Andy though -- how do they explain that? I don't know. Maybe next week. In the meantime, back to the seasonal depression.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Last week's recap [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: The Office
While Michael is away from Dunder Mifflin for a presentation to Ryan's business class (he needs the extra credit), a little tomfoolery ensues as Dwight unearths a bat that was living in the ceiling. Hijinx! Jim uses it as an opportunity to convince Dwight he was bitten and is becoming a vampire. While it was really hard to believe that was meant to be believeable, it was still funny. Especially at the end, when Jim wraps his coat around himself as he leaves, with Dwight soberly remarking that "Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey. And I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm." Specifically, catching the bat in a garbage bag. Good lookin out, Dwight.
The center of this episode, however, was Michael. Predictably (but no less amusing despite that), Michael attempts to give this uber-inspirational speech at Ryan's college, which brings back for him "so many memories, that I would have made." The speech includes tearing pages out of a poor student's text book to remind them to learn life lessons, and throwing theme candy into the crowd ("Once you have a Pay Day" -- throw candy -- "eventually you can make 100 Grand" -- throw candy). Not only was this funny in and of itself, it was clever because it showed how stupid these kinds of things actually are when they are not in movies. No one standing on their desks one by one to slowly applaud here. Perhaps the funniest piece of advice Michael gave the kids was that "There are four kinds of business. Tourism. Food service. Railroads. And sales. And hospitals/manufacturing. And air travel." Indeed. Now there's some wisdom you really can't get from a book.
At the end of the show, Michael gets another forum. Pam is participating in a local art show, and as her ex-fiance Roy (they are now back together, with Roy making ham-fisted attempts to relate to her) painfully pretends to enjoy himself ("Pam, your art is the best art of all the art") and Oscar and his lover trash her work without knowing she can hear them (OF COURSE it's the gay couple that does this), Pam is looking forlorn. Cue Jim to saunter in and offer up double entendres about the beauty all around him -- art-wise, of course. But no. Instead, in comes Michael, who in the same boyish way he made a buffoon of himself in business class, genuinely marvels at her work and buys a sketch she did of the office, to hang in the office. An appreciative Pam gives him a heartfelt hug. It was SO very nice. Until she feels something hard in his pocket. It's a Chunky bar, left over from the business presentation. Does she want half?
And that concluded this week's episode. Still no Andy though -- how do they explain that? I don't know. Maybe next week. In the meantime, back to the seasonal depression.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Last week's recap [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: The Office
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Terps are unstoppable, what!
Yes, indeed. After getting off the Valentine's Day schneid last night with a win over N.C. State 85-70, the Terps are on a streak! A two-game streak! Raise the banner and retire the jerseys. I want to capture this moment forever.
The one noteworthy point about the game was how easy it was for the Terps to just hunker down and outlast the Wolfpack, who are true bottom feeders this year. Of course, with UNC looming, the toughest tests are still in front of them, and their place in the tournament is very shaky, at the absolute best. I thought it was very telling when Gary Williams, after being asked about the "streak," said "don't talk about it, we'll get nervous." Obviously more joking than anything else, but there's a lot of truth in that. If only we could brainwash the team into always thinking they had just lost their fifth straight and were officially under the radar again, we'd be all set.
Hyperlinks:
- Terps Finally Make it Two [Washington Post]
- Valentine's Day = Bad for Terps [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Maryland Basketball, Terps, ACC, NC State
The one noteworthy point about the game was how easy it was for the Terps to just hunker down and outlast the Wolfpack, who are true bottom feeders this year. Of course, with UNC looming, the toughest tests are still in front of them, and their place in the tournament is very shaky, at the absolute best. I thought it was very telling when Gary Williams, after being asked about the "streak," said "don't talk about it, we'll get nervous." Obviously more joking than anything else, but there's a lot of truth in that. If only we could brainwash the team into always thinking they had just lost their fifth straight and were officially under the radar again, we'd be all set.
Hyperlinks:
- Terps Finally Make it Two [Washington Post]
- Valentine's Day = Bad for Terps [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Maryland Basketball, Terps, ACC, NC State
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentine's Day = bad for Terps
(As Maryland goes into seemingly innocuous NC State this Valentine's Night, I would remind you of last year's Feb. 14 game...and those before. This was originally posted last Feb. 14 -- and it ended up being just a little bit prophetic, if I do say so myself. It really is weird to see how much of it is still true. Either way, whatever, goterps.)
Looks like another Valentine's Day Massacre for the Maryland Terrapins. At the risk of sounding like a negative nelly, last night's loss to Clemson - their fourth consecutive loss to the Tigers - could be the beginning of the end. This is the same Clemson Tigers team who lost to Elon earlier this season. Elon! The Elon Phoenix! And not only did the Terps lose, they lost by 12!
Of course, this conjures images of the fabled Valentine's Day Massacre of 2001, when Maryland lost at home to then-last-place Florida State. The only thing is, that loss woke up those Terps, and catapulted them on a late-season run that ended in the Final Four. The result of this year's Valentine's Day Massacre remains to be seen. But I'm not holding my breath.
Last night's game almost made me physically ill. The Terps did just about everything wrong. So to that end, here's a list I drew up of all of Maryland's faults. Pull up a chair. In no particular order:
1) Primary scorers disappear for long stretches of games.
2) No discernibly consistent execution of any offensive game plan.
3) Don't capitalize on turnovers or convert fast breaks.
4) They hang their heads and get discouraged when they're down. (Note to James Gist: Eeyore called. He wants his sunny resilient disposition back.)
5) They seem unable and/or unwilling to exploit another team's weaknesses.
6) They take unnecessary risks on both ends of the court.
7) They panic easily.
8) They celebrate prematurely.
9) No viable Division I-caliber point guard.
10) No discernible substitution patterns or set lineups.
11) ZERO interior toughness. (See Shelden Williams, Sharrod Ford last year, etc.)
12) They can neither make nor catch passes. It's true.
13) No strong ballhandlers, guard, forward, or otherwise.
14) They think they are more talented than they are.
15) Lack of consistent defensive presence in all phases.
16) Inability to beat full- and half-court traps.
17) Generally little demonstration of a true competitive spirit.
That's about it. Other than that, they're a great team! Don't get me wrong here, I still love the Terps and I'm going to continue to root hard for them and hope for the best. I'm not throwing in the towel - I think it just might be time to recalibrate the expectations. I'm no longer sure if my previous predictions of a Sweet Sixteen berth or a Mike Jones-led resurgence after Chris McCray's loss are in the cards. It might just be time to cut our losses and turn the page on this maddening season, and this wildly underacheiving team.
Looks like another Valentine's Day Massacre for the Maryland Terrapins. At the risk of sounding like a negative nelly, last night's loss to Clemson - their fourth consecutive loss to the Tigers - could be the beginning of the end. This is the same Clemson Tigers team who lost to Elon earlier this season. Elon! The Elon Phoenix! And not only did the Terps lose, they lost by 12!
Of course, this conjures images of the fabled Valentine's Day Massacre of 2001, when Maryland lost at home to then-last-place Florida State. The only thing is, that loss woke up those Terps, and catapulted them on a late-season run that ended in the Final Four. The result of this year's Valentine's Day Massacre remains to be seen. But I'm not holding my breath.
Last night's game almost made me physically ill. The Terps did just about everything wrong. So to that end, here's a list I drew up of all of Maryland's faults. Pull up a chair. In no particular order:
1) Primary scorers disappear for long stretches of games.
2) No discernibly consistent execution of any offensive game plan.
3) Don't capitalize on turnovers or convert fast breaks.
4) They hang their heads and get discouraged when they're down. (Note to James Gist: Eeyore called. He wants his sunny resilient disposition back.)
5) They seem unable and/or unwilling to exploit another team's weaknesses.
6) They take unnecessary risks on both ends of the court.
7) They panic easily.
8) They celebrate prematurely.
9) No viable Division I-caliber point guard.
10) No discernible substitution patterns or set lineups.
11) ZERO interior toughness. (See Shelden Williams, Sharrod Ford last year, etc.)
12) They can neither make nor catch passes. It's true.
13) No strong ballhandlers, guard, forward, or otherwise.
14) They think they are more talented than they are.
15) Lack of consistent defensive presence in all phases.
16) Inability to beat full- and half-court traps.
17) Generally little demonstration of a true competitive spirit.
That's about it. Other than that, they're a great team! Don't get me wrong here, I still love the Terps and I'm going to continue to root hard for them and hope for the best. I'm not throwing in the towel - I think it just might be time to recalibrate the expectations. I'm no longer sure if my previous predictions of a Sweet Sixteen berth or a Mike Jones-led resurgence after Chris McCray's loss are in the cards. It might just be time to cut our losses and turn the page on this maddening season, and this wildly underacheiving team.
When I think sports, I think Panic! At The Disco
who, apparently, are going to be in this year's Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Come on, though. I've got nothing but love for a sports magazine that features a B-grade rock band in its swimsuit issue. After all, haven't you people ever heard off...cross marketing? Yeah...zing, Panic! At The Disco! Bow down. I'm too lazy to do the research, but dollars to donuts Panic! is signed to some label that is owned by the same company that owns SI. Call me crazy.
Apparently, this year's theme is music people. And of course, that is completely in keeping with the central theme of SI. How? Are you really asking? That sounds like hater talk to me. Don't hate, logical person. Appreciate.
Speaking of appreciating, though, Beyonce's on the cover. I heard her husband is involved in sports somehow.
Hyperlink:
- Beyonce Graces 2007 Swimsuit Cover [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Sports Illustrated, swimsuit, Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Beyonce, Panic At the Disco
Apparently, this year's theme is music people. And of course, that is completely in keeping with the central theme of SI. How? Are you really asking? That sounds like hater talk to me. Don't hate, logical person. Appreciate.
Speaking of appreciating, though, Beyonce's on the cover. I heard her husband is involved in sports somehow.
Hyperlink:
- Beyonce Graces 2007 Swimsuit Cover [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Sports Illustrated, swimsuit, Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Beyonce, Panic At the Disco
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
The Grammy Awards should really be called the Awesome Awards
I know I'm a couple days late on this, but I wanted to recap the Grammys really quick. Did I watch them this year? No. But such is the nature of this great show that there's really not much you need to know about Grammy Night in order to fully appreciate its full weight and relevance.
The chief item you need to know to gain said appreciation is that the Red Hot Chili Peppers won for best rock album, among other things. Stadium Arcadium (Don't you just LOVE that clever title? I heard it means "Stadium Arcadium" in ancient Greek) was my personal favorite record as well. One mind, Grammy judges. You see me? One mind.
Have you guys heard our song about California?
Anita Baker and Matisyahu? On the
same red carpet? I can die now.
- 49th Grammy Awards official online coverage [Yahoo! Music]
- Music Review: Return to Cookie Mountain [Entertainment Weekly]
- Imogen Heap: i, megaphone [Amazon.com]
- Britney holds crisis talks with record label [Entertainment Wise]
Technorati tags: Grammys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink
(photo credits: WireImage.com)
The chief item you need to know to gain said appreciation is that the Red Hot Chili Peppers won for best rock album, among other things. Stadium Arcadium (Don't you just LOVE that clever title? I heard it means "Stadium Arcadium" in ancient Greek) was my personal favorite record as well. One mind, Grammy judges. You see me? One mind.
Have you guys heard our song about California?
All those critics who talked up TV on the Radio and Bob Dylan and so forth can take a hike. Fully formed opinions, my eyeball. Hey, "real music critics." Why don't you go eat some ice cream out of a bowl or something? Snobs.
It was also sweet that Imogen Heap was nominated for best new artist. Hey, she's been around since 1998, but what do you expect the Grammy voters to do, not live under rocks? I don't know about you, but I simply don't feel comfortable asking a group of people to compromise their long-practiced traditions like that.
But forget the music. The Grammys aren't about the music anyway. They're about the celebrities. And who, you ask, dotted the red carpet this year? Well, for starters, do you remember Mr. Pink -- you know, he sang that "I'm comin up" song a few years ago? Of course you do. Yeah, he was there. How about Omarosa? Hard to believe, but she was there. And while you're at it, why don't you throw Brooke Hogan and Kimberly Caldwell into the mix as well? Heavyweights, my friend. Freakin heavyweights.
But forget the music. The Grammys aren't about the music anyway. They're about the celebrities. And who, you ask, dotted the red carpet this year? Well, for starters, do you remember Mr. Pink -- you know, he sang that "I'm comin up" song a few years ago? Of course you do. Yeah, he was there. How about Omarosa? Hard to believe, but she was there. And while you're at it, why don't you throw Brooke Hogan and Kimberly Caldwell into the mix as well? Heavyweights, my friend. Freakin heavyweights.
Anita Baker and Matisyahu? On the
same red carpet? I can die now.
So that about sums it up. Another magical night of stars, reality TV contestants, and, of course, music. That's what it's all about. I can't wait until next year. Word is Britney's already got the inside track. You go, girl!
Hyperlinks:- 49th Grammy Awards official online coverage [Yahoo! Music]
- Music Review: Return to Cookie Mountain [Entertainment Weekly]
- Imogen Heap: i, megaphone [Amazon.com]
- Britney holds crisis talks with record label [Entertainment Wise]
Technorati tags: Grammys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pink
(photo credits: WireImage.com)
And one more thing...
Blogger forced me to switch from the original -- which I liked just fine and had no major problems with -- over to "Blogger Beta" last week. Doesn't that imply that this will be an upgraded and better service? Well so far, the only major change I notice is that I now have to sign in twice to access my account. Once with my Blogger "Alpha" info and once for the Beta. And now, half the time I have to sign in all over again from scratch every time I want to edit a post. Nice upgrade, Blogger. Just deadly efficiency right there. You just wanted to force all your users to set up a Google account so you can spam them, etc. But you're not interested in actually, you know, improving the experience for anybody. So screw you, Blogger Beta. Yeah, I know you're free, but that doesn't mean I should have to put up with a shitty product. Godspeed.
Lady Winter is a teasing harpy
For all the single guys (or once-single guys), did you ever have a night when you found a cute girl, you hit it off, you talked all night, suggestive comments are made, suggestive looks proffered, but then when it's money time, she takes evasive action and won't give up the digits? I know, I know--it's never happened to YOU before, you big pimp. But you understand. Well, that's what the winter weather is doing to us Greater Washingtonians right now.
You don't wanna mess with that...she just likes drama...
The local weather forecast for today shows light a.m. snow, but the surface temperature is 34 -- two measly fucking degrees colder than it needs to be to for it to stick to roads. Then later today -- just in time for the evening commute -- they're calling for sleet and freezing rain, which overnight is then all supposed to freeze, but perhaps not quite enough for conditions to be unmitigatably treacherous, because there is regular rain predicted for Wednesday morning which could turn a lot of it to slush.
So let me ask you, Lady Winter. Is it too damn much for you to just dump some snow/ice on us so we can get a day off already? You're doing every thing you can to make things as difficult as possible without having to dole out the payday. Would it kill you to hook us up just a little? What is your fucking problem? You just like to cause problems? Where was all this precipitation last week, when I had to trudge to work in below-zero wind chills, but there was nary a cloud in the robin's egg blue fucking sky? And what about those poor people in upstate New York who got like five thousand feet? You can't share the wealth a little bit? What's the major malfunction? You're a meterological prick tease, that's what. Now give us time off, or I'm telling all my friends about you.
Hyperlinks:
- Utility Crews on High Alert for Later Today [Washington Post]
- This Cold Weather is Freakin Killing Me [No One Appreciates Me]
- New Yorkers dig out while another storm looms [CNN]
Technorati tags: weather, winter, snow, Washington, D.C.
You don't wanna mess with that...she just likes drama...
The local weather forecast for today shows light a.m. snow, but the surface temperature is 34 -- two measly fucking degrees colder than it needs to be to for it to stick to roads. Then later today -- just in time for the evening commute -- they're calling for sleet and freezing rain, which overnight is then all supposed to freeze, but perhaps not quite enough for conditions to be unmitigatably treacherous, because there is regular rain predicted for Wednesday morning which could turn a lot of it to slush.
So let me ask you, Lady Winter. Is it too damn much for you to just dump some snow/ice on us so we can get a day off already? You're doing every thing you can to make things as difficult as possible without having to dole out the payday. Would it kill you to hook us up just a little? What is your fucking problem? You just like to cause problems? Where was all this precipitation last week, when I had to trudge to work in below-zero wind chills, but there was nary a cloud in the robin's egg blue fucking sky? And what about those poor people in upstate New York who got like five thousand feet? You can't share the wealth a little bit? What's the major malfunction? You're a meterological prick tease, that's what. Now give us time off, or I'm telling all my friends about you.
Hyperlinks:
- Utility Crews on High Alert for Later Today [Washington Post]
- This Cold Weather is Freakin Killing Me [No One Appreciates Me]
- New Yorkers dig out while another storm looms [CNN]
Technorati tags: weather, winter, snow, Washington, D.C.
Monday, February 12, 2007
As the Wizards Turn
These are difficult times in Washington. The drama has reached a fever pitch! WHYYYYY, God? WHYYYYY?!?!??! After his brash promises of scoring 50 on the Blazers, Gilbert came up with only nine yesterday in a bad loss. And in a fit of passion, anger, and passion, he lashed out at Coach in a postgame rant that was pure, unadulterated madness. Rather than blame himself for the poor shooting, or wonder whether his hubris placed undue pressure on the team, he said the coaches' recent emphasis on defense had caused the problems. Defense! The horror! This young buck, can he ever truly be tamed by any man?Meanwhile, in the media room, Coach would not be cowed:
Mercy, Eddie! Stay your angry tongue! He's just a boy! But no. The haranguing continued unabated..."The whole idea of us asking them to play defense better. Is that a problem? It's ludicrous."
"First of all, we didn't have the leadership out there that we needed with Antawn out...That's why he's the only captain on the team. I've tried to have main guys the last couple of years to be captains and it doesn't work because they don't have the qualities. I don't want [Gilbert] to do it. He's not a leader right now."
Antawn...where have you gone, Antawn?!?! Why have you forsaken us? We're lost without you -- lost! And when you come back, will you have amnesia? Will you really be your evil twin? I hope not, Antawn. For my sake. For us.
Meanwhile, Etan Thomas didn't play last night. He was suspended following a fistfight with Brendan Haywood -- it dredged up so many bad memories. They say they'll be okay, but what if I just can't believe them anymore? How many chances do I give them before one of us has to walk away....forever? Both such delicate flowers...why must they treat each other this way?
Etan! Brendan! Stop, please! I just can't bear it anymore!
Meanwhile, Etan Thomas didn't play last night. He was suspended following a fistfight with Brendan Haywood -- it dredged up so many bad memories. They say they'll be okay, but what if I just can't believe them anymore? How many chances do I give them before one of us has to walk away....forever? Both such delicate flowers...why must they treat each other this way?
Etan! Brendan! Stop, please! I just can't bear it anymore!
Perhaps rest is what the team needs. Rest, and some time alone...just to sort things out. Discover what they really want. And since they only have one game this week, against the 76ers, I hope they find what they need. I'll have to wait until the next episode...but how can I eat before then? I'll manage...somehow...
Hyperlinks:
- Wizards Turn into Fight Club [Washington Post]
- Bad gets worse [Wizards Insider]
- Arenas Scores 9, Criticizes Coaching [Washington Post]
- Jamison's Absence Still a Huge Problem [Washington Post]
- Etan Thomas, Brendon Haywood set record for wussiest fight ever between two NBA centers [No One Appreciates Me]
- Haywood, Thomas: 'We'll be Okay' [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Washington Wizards, Wizards, Gilbert Arenas
Hyperlinks:
- Wizards Turn into Fight Club [Washington Post]
- Bad gets worse [Wizards Insider]
- Arenas Scores 9, Criticizes Coaching [Washington Post]
- Jamison's Absence Still a Huge Problem [Washington Post]
- Etan Thomas, Brendon Haywood set record for wussiest fight ever between two NBA centers [No One Appreciates Me]
- Haywood, Thomas: 'We'll be Okay' [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Washington Wizards, Wizards, Gilbert Arenas
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Terps join in on hazing of Duke prep team
The rivalry game went in Maryland's favor tonight, with the Terps spanking the Dookies at Comcast Center. It wasn't a perfect game for the Terps, but behind strong play from Greivis Vasquez and James Gist, it was more than enough to beat the Young Republicans Club of the Duke Catholic Preparatory Academy. Soap beatings and wedgies all around in gym class for the boys tomorrow, I'm afraid. Buck up, lads. There's plenty more undies where those came from.
Greivis Vasquez: he is fiery.
As for Maryland, all they have to do now is string together five more games just like this one. The careers of this entire senior class -- both up to this point, and beyond this -- will be evaluated using this final month. Are they up for it? Only time....will tell. Goterps.
Hyperlink:
Maryland Cruises Past Duke [Washington Post]
Technorati tags:
Goterps, Maryland, Maryland basketball, Terps, Duke, Duke Sucks
(photo credit: AP Photo/Gail Burton)
Greivis Vasquez: he is fiery.
As for Maryland, all they have to do now is string together five more games just like this one. The careers of this entire senior class -- both up to this point, and beyond this -- will be evaluated using this final month. Are they up for it? Only time....will tell. Goterps.
Hyperlink:
Maryland Cruises Past Duke [Washington Post]
Technorati tags:
Goterps, Maryland, Maryland basketball, Terps, Duke, Duke Sucks(photo credit: AP Photo/Gail Burton)
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Maryland-Duke: Still the best rivalry in college basketball?
The Maryland-Duke college basketball rivalry has seen better days. Several years ago, it was on top. It had it all -- looks, brains, celebrity friends. It was the pinnacle of college basketball. Lately, however, it's fallen on some hard times.
But unlike Anna Nicole, it's not dead yet. And while it may have its ups and downs, I think it will always be strong. I know everyone else says Duke-Carolina is the best, but for my money, nothing tops Maryland-Duke when they both have their A games. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. And when they renew it tomorrow at Comcast Center, I think it will be a great game despite down years for both programs. Why? Let's break it down, shall we?
I know all the points about why people prefer UNC-Duke. And they're valid. And right now, it probably is #1. They're geographically close, both are original ACC members, both have a ton of accomplishments, extremely impressive alumni rosters, and highly devoted fans. But to me, both programs and fan bases are so complacent, so self-assured, and so entrenched (rightfully, I admit) in the top echelon of college basketball pedigree, that the rivalry feels like two captains of industry making million-dollar bets at the country club over whose gardener can drink the most Jack Daniels. They're playing with monopoly money.
And then there's Maryland. The middle child of the ACC. They're like the awkward new kid at new school. Not a bad-looking kid, smart, but never could quite earn the full respect of its peers either. Had a reputation as kind of a screw-up. But then, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, suddenly it wasn't so new and awkward anymore, and proceeded to exact its revenge. Now things have, shall we say, leveled off. But the mutal dislike is still there. Maryland-Duke, is almost like Yankees-Red Sox--at least before the Sox started buying teams just like their rivals. There's a visceral tone to it that you just don't see with Duke-Carolina. The blood is truly, legitimately bad. There's no back-slapping after the game. Maryland thinks Duke sucks, HATES Duke for being elitist and prissy and emotionless and white bread, and in return, Duke snickers and taunts, looks down on the public school kids, the ACC Johnny-come-latelies, haughtily dismissing the Terps as beneath them. "They actually think they are our equals?!?!?"
Basically, the rivalry is personal and nasty. Anyone who has been to a Duke-Maryland game can attest to the fact that the chants are just a little louder, a little more fierce. There's a malevolent edge to everything. The intensity on every single possesion is heavy in the gym. It has actually hurt Maryland fans, because there's no possible way the crowd can ever get up the way it gets up for Duke, so they don't even try anymore, it seems like.
So it may not be the best right now basketball-wise, but it's hard to top this rivalry in terms of the sheer and unconcealable dislike between the two groups. In any case, here's hoping the Terps break out of their funk and keep the Dookies down tomorrow. If they bring their A game, there's no reason to think they won't. And if they can't bring their A game for Duke, well, we can probably write this season off and start doing other things with our time. Goterps.
Hyperlinks:
- In The Shadow of a Rivalry [Washington Post]
- Duke Sucks [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags:Goterps, Maryland, Maryland basketball, Terps, Duke, Duke Sucks
But unlike Anna Nicole, it's not dead yet. And while it may have its ups and downs, I think it will always be strong. I know everyone else says Duke-Carolina is the best, but for my money, nothing tops Maryland-Duke when they both have their A games. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. And when they renew it tomorrow at Comcast Center, I think it will be a great game despite down years for both programs. Why? Let's break it down, shall we?
I know all the points about why people prefer UNC-Duke. And they're valid. And right now, it probably is #1. They're geographically close, both are original ACC members, both have a ton of accomplishments, extremely impressive alumni rosters, and highly devoted fans. But to me, both programs and fan bases are so complacent, so self-assured, and so entrenched (rightfully, I admit) in the top echelon of college basketball pedigree, that the rivalry feels like two captains of industry making million-dollar bets at the country club over whose gardener can drink the most Jack Daniels. They're playing with monopoly money.
And then there's Maryland. The middle child of the ACC. They're like the awkward new kid at new school. Not a bad-looking kid, smart, but never could quite earn the full respect of its peers either. Had a reputation as kind of a screw-up. But then, in the late 1990s and early 2000s, suddenly it wasn't so new and awkward anymore, and proceeded to exact its revenge. Now things have, shall we say, leveled off. But the mutal dislike is still there. Maryland-Duke, is almost like Yankees-Red Sox--at least before the Sox started buying teams just like their rivals. There's a visceral tone to it that you just don't see with Duke-Carolina. The blood is truly, legitimately bad. There's no back-slapping after the game. Maryland thinks Duke sucks, HATES Duke for being elitist and prissy and emotionless and white bread, and in return, Duke snickers and taunts, looks down on the public school kids, the ACC Johnny-come-latelies, haughtily dismissing the Terps as beneath them. "They actually think they are our equals?!?!?"
Basically, the rivalry is personal and nasty. Anyone who has been to a Duke-Maryland game can attest to the fact that the chants are just a little louder, a little more fierce. There's a malevolent edge to everything. The intensity on every single possesion is heavy in the gym. It has actually hurt Maryland fans, because there's no possible way the crowd can ever get up the way it gets up for Duke, so they don't even try anymore, it seems like.
So it may not be the best right now basketball-wise, but it's hard to top this rivalry in terms of the sheer and unconcealable dislike between the two groups. In any case, here's hoping the Terps break out of their funk and keep the Dookies down tomorrow. If they bring their A game, there's no reason to think they won't. And if they can't bring their A game for Duke, well, we can probably write this season off and start doing other things with our time. Goterps.
Hyperlinks:
- In The Shadow of a Rivalry [Washington Post]
- Duke Sucks [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags:
Goterps, Maryland, Maryland basketball, Terps, Duke, Duke Sucks
Friday, February 09, 2007
Recap of The Office: "Phyllis' Wedding"
I had high hopes for last night's episode...the whole office gang would be looking on as Phyllis married Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. Toasts would be made...booze would be flowing...people would be dancing...romance in the air...but this episode fell flat. Like, Karen flat, oooooh snap! (Just kidding, Karen, hey, who loves you, baby.)
This is one of those classing warning episodes. In other words, this is what happens to The Office when it doesn't walk that fine line between believability and total insanity in its characters. And last night, Michael was to blame. As a kid, he screwed up his ring-bearer duties in his mother's second wedding, and hasn't been to a wedding since, so he wants to atone. In a play for extra honeymoon leave, Phyllis lets Michael push her wheelchair-bound father up the aisle. But when the father surprises everyone by standing up and gamely walking the last few steps to the altar, Michael gets all upset because he feels he's been upstaged. And in general, he makes a total jackass out of himself with various toasts, giving the bride hair and sex advice before she goes out, etc., that he would have been either punched in the face or immediately kicked out for. I didn't end up laughing - I cringed for Phyllis and that was about it.
Nothing else much noteworthy happened plotwise. The best lines on this episode were from Kelly, a seriously underrated character played by Mindy Kaling. She wears a freaking white dress to the wedding, telling people there was "an emergency," but it was just because "I look amazing in white." Later, during the reception, Kelly asks Pam if the wedding is getting her down after she cancelled her own so recently. Pam says she's fine, but Kelly responds that "there’s no way it’s fine, I’m sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant." See, that's crazy, but it's "real" crazy. We all know that person, that celebrity-obsessed busybody who is too dense to see the nose on her own face. So I posit that Kelly was this episode's hero. Let her shine as a beacon. And here's hoping next week's episode is better.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Previous recap of The Office [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: The Office
This is one of those classing warning episodes. In other words, this is what happens to The Office when it doesn't walk that fine line between believability and total insanity in its characters. And last night, Michael was to blame. As a kid, he screwed up his ring-bearer duties in his mother's second wedding, and hasn't been to a wedding since, so he wants to atone. In a play for extra honeymoon leave, Phyllis lets Michael push her wheelchair-bound father up the aisle. But when the father surprises everyone by standing up and gamely walking the last few steps to the altar, Michael gets all upset because he feels he's been upstaged. And in general, he makes a total jackass out of himself with various toasts, giving the bride hair and sex advice before she goes out, etc., that he would have been either punched in the face or immediately kicked out for. I didn't end up laughing - I cringed for Phyllis and that was about it.
Nothing else much noteworthy happened plotwise. The best lines on this episode were from Kelly, a seriously underrated character played by Mindy Kaling. She wears a freaking white dress to the wedding, telling people there was "an emergency," but it was just because "I look amazing in white." Later, during the reception, Kelly asks Pam if the wedding is getting her down after she cancelled her own so recently. Pam says she's fine, but Kelly responds that "there’s no way it’s fine, I’m sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant." See, that's crazy, but it's "real" crazy. We all know that person, that celebrity-obsessed busybody who is too dense to see the nose on her own face. So I posit that Kelly was this episode's hero. Let her shine as a beacon. And here's hoping next week's episode is better.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Previous recap of The Office [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: The Office
Thursday, February 08, 2007
RIP Anna Nicole: Hey, eehhh, you were kinda hot at the beginning of your career there
Stunning -- STUNNING -- news that Anna Nicole Smith has died. She had been a wreck for almost 10 years now, but I guess we're all supposed to pretend like we're really upset, that she was taken away from us too soon, and what have you. So I'll go ahead and say a few words. Anna? We're all gona miss you. Why? Well, for one reason, you truly were hot at the beginning, before you married that rich decrepit oil guy for his money. And then you made a lot of people laugh on your reality show. Albeit unintentionally.
So long, Anna Nicole Smith. You were, uh. Yeah.
Reports are that paramedics said she was "unresponsive" at the scene. But I never thought of Anna Nicole as the responsive type to begin with. Are you sure she wasn't just, you know, really fucked up? I don't know what you think, but I think that would not have been a first for her. Am I right?
But on the whole, it really is sad when anyone dies. And she seemed pretty miserable. So there you go. Just think happy thoughts, and we'll get through this together. Just remember: she's with Howard now.
Hyperlink:
- Anna Nicole Smith Dies [CNN]
Technorati tags: Anna Nicole Smith
So long, Anna Nicole Smith. You were, uh. Yeah.
Reports are that paramedics said she was "unresponsive" at the scene. But I never thought of Anna Nicole as the responsive type to begin with. Are you sure she wasn't just, you know, really fucked up? I don't know what you think, but I think that would not have been a first for her. Am I right?
But on the whole, it really is sad when anyone dies. And she seemed pretty miserable. So there you go. Just think happy thoughts, and we'll get through this together. Just remember: she's with Howard now.
Hyperlink:
- Anna Nicole Smith Dies [CNN]
Technorati tags: Anna Nicole Smith
Big game for Landon "Garbage Time" Donovan
It's fitting that during ESPN's highly touted "rivalry week" of college basketball, which included an awesome, gutty win by North Carolina last night over the Dookingtons, the U.S. soccer team had its big rivalry game, too. And it was good to see that the Yanks came out on top, 2-0.
This one always gets a little chippy.
And of course, general wuss and new David Beckham teammate, Landon Donovan, came up big, providing an assist on the first score and getting the second goal on his own. Nevermind that this was a freaking exhibition match, or that Landon's goal came during stoppage time at the end of the game. These are the ones that matter. According to Landon supporters. All that World Cup chokery? Ah, no big deal. So let's give it up for Landon Donovan, the A-Rod/Bode Miller/Karl Malone of American soccer. Big ups, Landon. When the stakes are low, you really deliver. Keep picking those cherries, buddy. And Godspeed.
Hyperlinks:
- U.S. Beats Regional Rival Mexico, 2-0 [Washington Post]
- Tar Heels Throw Bench at Blue Devils [Charlotte Observer]
Technorati tags: soccer, Landon Donovan
Photo credit: Paul Connors/Associated Press
This one always gets a little chippy.
And of course, general wuss and new David Beckham teammate, Landon Donovan, came up big, providing an assist on the first score and getting the second goal on his own. Nevermind that this was a freaking exhibition match, or that Landon's goal came during stoppage time at the end of the game. These are the ones that matter. According to Landon supporters. All that World Cup chokery? Ah, no big deal. So let's give it up for Landon Donovan, the A-Rod/Bode Miller/Karl Malone of American soccer. Big ups, Landon. When the stakes are low, you really deliver. Keep picking those cherries, buddy. And Godspeed.
Hyperlinks:
- U.S. Beats Regional Rival Mexico, 2-0 [Washington Post]
- Tar Heels Throw Bench at Blue Devils [Charlotte Observer]
Technorati tags: soccer, Landon Donovan
Photo credit: Paul Connors/Associated Press
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
This cold weather is freakin killing me
So I've got a mile-long walk from my house to the Metro station. When it's this cold, that takes its toll. The weather has been brutal here in the nation's capital. Yesterday the wind chill was -8 and today it was like 3, plus three inches of snow -- that's right, just enough snow to make things really annoying and treacherous on my walk. I'm a Southern boy at heart -- I can't deal with this sadistic crap anymore. And since I don't have a car and my wife is on a different morning schedule, I think I'm just going to stop coming to work. I'm not going to tell them or anything, because I don't want to get in trouble with Lumberg. So I'm just going to go ahead and sort of stop going.
Self-portrait. This cold weather is
making me a little crrrraaaaazzyyyy!!!!
But in any case, this is ridiculous. I know all those Missourians and Minnesotans will laugh at me for being scared of "only" -8 wind chills. But since that's all they have to do up there anyway is laugh at the people who were smart enough not to settle there, I'll let them have their fun. Laugh it up, eh! It's gee golly cold down here, and I don't give two hoots what you say there now!
Hyperlink:
- Winter's Icy Bite Turns to Snow [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: winter, cold, Washington, D.C., Minnesota
Self-portrait. This cold weather is
making me a little crrrraaaaazzyyyy!!!!
But in any case, this is ridiculous. I know all those Missourians and Minnesotans will laugh at me for being scared of "only" -8 wind chills. But since that's all they have to do up there anyway is laugh at the people who were smart enough not to settle there, I'll let them have their fun. Laugh it up, eh! It's gee golly cold down here, and I don't give two hoots what you say there now!
Hyperlink:
- Winter's Icy Bite Turns to Snow [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: winter, cold, Washington, D.C., Minnesota
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Exxon: Our friend in Science
Last week was a banner week for Exxon Mobil. First came the news that Exxon again made record-setting amounts of money last year due largely to the higher gas prices of late. But here's the real masterstroke -- after the big climate change study came out, in which hundreds of scientists said global warming was real and almost certainly caused by humans, the British newspaper The Guardian reported Exxon circulated a memo to scientists offering up to $10,000 if they publicly questioned the report or global warming in general.
Exxon leads climate change talks with environmentalists.
See, this is how you advance science, people. Exxon can tell the true scientists from the fake scientists with a simple test. It's called the Salem Scientist Trial. And they have a long tradition of leaders in this area. The ones who take the money and decry global warming are the real scientists. The ones who do not take the money are communist tree hugging fakes. The ones who take the money should do TV spots on beaches, sipping drinks and saying things like "global warming sounds awfully good to me!" That, after all, is the informed position. Right, Exxon? Don't hate because little old Exxon is just doing its part to get the real story out there, around the usual liberal media gatekeepers. I hate those guys. So kudos to Exxon! Kudos! Your committment to the advancement of knowledge will shine like a beacon -- a properly oil-burning beacon -- forever. Or until the oil runs out. Or until a planetary catastrophe. But it's all good, whatevs.
Hyperlinks:
- Higher Oil Prices Help Exxon Again Set Record Profit [Washington Post]
- Scientists offered cash to dispute climate study [UK Guardian Unlimited]
- Humans Faulted for Global Warming: International Panel Of Scientists Sounds Dire Alarm [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: global warming, global-warming, environment, Exxon
Exxon leads climate change talks with environmentalists.
See, this is how you advance science, people. Exxon can tell the true scientists from the fake scientists with a simple test. It's called the Salem Scientist Trial. And they have a long tradition of leaders in this area. The ones who take the money and decry global warming are the real scientists. The ones who do not take the money are communist tree hugging fakes. The ones who take the money should do TV spots on beaches, sipping drinks and saying things like "global warming sounds awfully good to me!" That, after all, is the informed position. Right, Exxon? Don't hate because little old Exxon is just doing its part to get the real story out there, around the usual liberal media gatekeepers. I hate those guys. So kudos to Exxon! Kudos! Your committment to the advancement of knowledge will shine like a beacon -- a properly oil-burning beacon -- forever. Or until the oil runs out. Or until a planetary catastrophe. But it's all good, whatevs.
Hyperlinks:
- Higher Oil Prices Help Exxon Again Set Record Profit [Washington Post]
- Scientists offered cash to dispute climate study [UK Guardian Unlimited]
- Humans Faulted for Global Warming: International Panel Of Scientists Sounds Dire Alarm [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: global warming, global-warming, environment, Exxon
Welcome back to "That's Not A Word!"
Hi again, everybody, thank you, yes, yes, and welcome once again to "That's Not A Word!" We are coming to you live today from the site of the Super Bowl here in lovely Miami, Florida. (Hey, if The Golf Channel gets a media pass, why not TNAW?) But as the camera crews break camp and head back to the freezing East and Midwest, we have found our winner. It is none other than ESPN's own anchor Stuart Scott. A first-time contestant no less - I can't believe it!
I'm the wordexpertest, baby girl.
As Stu assisted in the postgame coverage, he remarked on the rain that enveloped the city throughout the game, that it was "the wettest, the sloppiest, the umbrella-est -- and that IS a word -- Super Bowl ever."
Stuart. We wanted to take you at face value. But you set it up on a tee for us, my friend! You were just trolling for an invitation to TNAW -- and there's no shame in that. So despite your bravado, we've got a dictionary and centuries of history on our side, and we're taking up your white glove. Stuart Scott -- THAT'S NOT A WORD!
Hey, big fella, we know you were kidding. And we know you're a big big shot! But unless we missed a memo, you're still not allowed to invent words. Just because a famous person says it's true, doesn't make it so! But it all worked out in the end, Stu, because now you're our big winner! And we say, let the prize fit the accomplishment! Stu, because you blatantly invent words, we've arranged for you to spend time with some real inventors at monthly meetings of the Inventors Association of Connecticut! Here you will take minutes, fetch coffee, and hobnob with some people who invent real, worthwhile things! The meetings are off of Route 1 at the Westport Bertucci's. Have fun, Stu, and we'll see YOU next time on That's Not A Word!
Hyperlinks:
- Media day has it all [Indianapolis Star]
- Inventors Association of Connecticut
- Previous episode of That's Not A Word! [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: ESPN, Stuart Scott, the English language
I'm the wordexpertest, baby girl.
As Stu assisted in the postgame coverage, he remarked on the rain that enveloped the city throughout the game, that it was "the wettest, the sloppiest, the umbrella-est -- and that IS a word -- Super Bowl ever."
Stuart. We wanted to take you at face value. But you set it up on a tee for us, my friend! You were just trolling for an invitation to TNAW -- and there's no shame in that. So despite your bravado, we've got a dictionary and centuries of history on our side, and we're taking up your white glove. Stuart Scott -- THAT'S NOT A WORD!
Hey, big fella, we know you were kidding. And we know you're a big big shot! But unless we missed a memo, you're still not allowed to invent words. Just because a famous person says it's true, doesn't make it so! But it all worked out in the end, Stu, because now you're our big winner! And we say, let the prize fit the accomplishment! Stu, because you blatantly invent words, we've arranged for you to spend time with some real inventors at monthly meetings of the Inventors Association of Connecticut! Here you will take minutes, fetch coffee, and hobnob with some people who invent real, worthwhile things! The meetings are off of Route 1 at the Westport Bertucci's. Have fun, Stu, and we'll see YOU next time on That's Not A Word!
Hyperlinks:
- Media day has it all [Indianapolis Star]
- Inventors Association of Connecticut
- Previous episode of That's Not A Word! [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: ESPN, Stuart Scott, the English language
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Peyton Manning: A Rainbow of Emotions, II
Congrats to Peyton Manning on his huge Super Bowl win. Did he earn it? He sure did. Did he take his place in history as one of the greatest what nots to ever play the so forth? He sure did. Do I doubt his absolute dominance over myself and all other warm- and cold-blooded creatures who walk Planet Earth now and forever. Not for a second. But now, the question becomes, where does he rank among the other great quarterback champions of his time? This is what we, as regular people, must ask ourselves to pass the time. So as my own means of addressing that question, I present Peyton Manning: A Rainbow of Emotions, Part II (part I here). This time, it's with other dudes.
John Elway
Brett Favre
Tom Brady
Kurt Warner
Peyton Manning
That's right. Deep breaths, Peyton. Don't get too excited. Even though you don't get many chances like this. So until your next commercial, we'll be wishing you a great time doing whatever it is you do when you are not watching game film. Assuming such time exists. Good night now, and best wishes.
Hyperlinks:
CHAMPIONS! [Indianapolis Star]
Peyton Manning: A Rainbow of Emotions [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Super Bowl, Peyton Manning
John Elway
Brett Favre
Tom Brady
Kurt Warner
Peyton Manning
That's right. Deep breaths, Peyton. Don't get too excited. Even though you don't get many chances like this. So until your next commercial, we'll be wishing you a great time doing whatever it is you do when you are not watching game film. Assuming such time exists. Good night now, and best wishes.
Hyperlinks:
CHAMPIONS! [Indianapolis Star]
Peyton Manning: A Rainbow of Emotions [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Super Bowl, Peyton Manning
Friday, February 02, 2007
Recap of The Office: "Ben Franklin"
After a repeat last week, we return new for sweeps month, and The Office kills right out of the box. Hilarious episode here -- I probably laughed out loud five or six times. Phyllis is getting married, so Michael organizes office bachelor and bachelorette parties during the workday. With strippers. Jim is in charge of booking the male stripper for the ladies, but instead books a Benjamin Franklin impersonator, who ends up being fairly skeevy in his own right. As for the mens' entertainment, none of the guys has ever actually, you know, gotten a stripper before. So the awkwardness abounds. It's fun stuff.
There were a couple of highlights. The top one was probably Michael grilling steaks on his George Foreman grill, as Ryan recoils in disgust and says "is that the same grill you grilled your foot on?" to which Michael replies "Nooooo! Yes. But I got all the foot off of it."
But amid the hilarity, there were some things that irritated me. First, where was Andy? His day of reckoning is at hand for pushing Dwight out the door. Did the writers just not feel like dealing with that this week, so they just didn't include him in the episode? This is especially interesting as news comes that Andy actor Ed Helms is becoming a regular. Huh.
But plotwise, this Jim and Karen thing has gone too far. Jim clearly feels nothing - nothing - for Karen, but for whatever reason (revenge toward Pam that is dragging on waaaay too long, general lack of balls, etc.) he just won't end it. It has long outlasted its shelf life as a device, and is becoming an albatross to the show's overall plot. I'm sure they're just keeping it (and her) around until the end of the season, but it's been on life support for weeks now. They need to spice it up, take the viewer inside the dynamic. Something. It just isn't believable at this point.
So that's it. Great episode, but they can't get complacent. See you next week.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Ed Helms gets promotion at "The Office" [Yahoo! News]
Technorati tags: The Office, NBC
There were a couple of highlights. The top one was probably Michael grilling steaks on his George Foreman grill, as Ryan recoils in disgust and says "is that the same grill you grilled your foot on?" to which Michael replies "Nooooo! Yes. But I got all the foot off of it."
But amid the hilarity, there were some things that irritated me. First, where was Andy? His day of reckoning is at hand for pushing Dwight out the door. Did the writers just not feel like dealing with that this week, so they just didn't include him in the episode? This is especially interesting as news comes that Andy actor Ed Helms is becoming a regular. Huh.
But plotwise, this Jim and Karen thing has gone too far. Jim clearly feels nothing - nothing - for Karen, but for whatever reason (revenge toward Pam that is dragging on waaaay too long, general lack of balls, etc.) he just won't end it. It has long outlasted its shelf life as a device, and is becoming an albatross to the show's overall plot. I'm sure they're just keeping it (and her) around until the end of the season, but it's been on life support for weeks now. They need to spice it up, take the viewer inside the dynamic. Something. It just isn't believable at this point.
So that's it. Great episode, but they can't get complacent. See you next week.
Hyperlinks:
- The Office [NBC]
- Ed Helms gets promotion at "The Office" [Yahoo! News]
Technorati tags: The Office, NBC
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Prince gimpy for Super Bowl, ESPN forces article about it
Stop the presses -- there's big injury news at the Super Bowl. A big injury. Now are you ready for the news hook? Wait for it...are you ready? It's not Peyton Manning's thumb. It's Prince, the halftime performer!
Quite a curveball, huh? Bet you didn't see that one coming. But don't credit me. For I am merely the conduit here. All credit is due to Bomani Jones, the ESPN Page 2 writer who crafted that lead in the first place.
Apparently, the Purple Woman Eater has been dancing in platform clogs for so long that he now needs hip replacement surgery. But just for you, Super Bowl, he's gonna power through the pain. Only for you. Because you're so special. Can he call you Super? Supes? Whatever fulfills your fantasies, baby, that is what he will call you.
Baby, back up, you're on my bad hip, baby, my hip,
back up, AAAAAHHHHH! BITCH, GET OFF MY HIP!
So there's your story. Done. But since there is this diabolical invention known as a "required word count," Bomani has to squeeze 900 words out of this non-story. So what does he do? He interviews experts who attest to the fact that dancing motions are, indeed, centered in the hips. Being an Amish person from Planet Mars, I had no idea.
Here's what Mark Anthony Neal, a professor of African and African-American studies at Duke University, had to say:
Hyperlink:
No Longer a Citizen of Funkytown [ESPN]
Technorati tags: Super Bowl, Super Bowl halftime show, Prince, Duke, Duke sucks
Quite a curveball, huh? Bet you didn't see that one coming. But don't credit me. For I am merely the conduit here. All credit is due to Bomani Jones, the ESPN Page 2 writer who crafted that lead in the first place.
Apparently, the Purple Woman Eater has been dancing in platform clogs for so long that he now needs hip replacement surgery. But just for you, Super Bowl, he's gonna power through the pain. Only for you. Because you're so special. Can he call you Super? Supes? Whatever fulfills your fantasies, baby, that is what he will call you.
Baby, back up, you're on my bad hip, baby, my hip,
back up, AAAAAHHHHH! BITCH, GET OFF MY HIP!
So there's your story. Done. But since there is this diabolical invention known as a "required word count," Bomani has to squeeze 900 words out of this non-story. So what does he do? He interviews experts who attest to the fact that dancing motions are, indeed, centered in the hips. Being an Amish person from Planet Mars, I had no idea.
Here's what Mark Anthony Neal, a professor of African and African-American studies at Duke University, had to say:
It was generally accepted that one had to be seriously shaking their hips, if one was really going to get funky.Fascinating, thank you, Doctor. What is most interesting to me here, though, is that a person referred to in the story as "one of the foremost authorities on black popular culture" teaches at that hotbed of blackness, Duke University. That raises his street cred geometrically, right? I'm sure Stanley Maplesworth III really got in touch with his roots after he took Neal's course at Duke, before heading over to the polo grounds for scotch and sodas with the frat brothers. Smashing good class, Nealsy. Just smashing. Oh, and that Prince fellow? I'll have Daddy write him a check.
Hyperlink:
No Longer a Citizen of Funkytown [ESPN]
Technorati tags: Super Bowl, Super Bowl halftime show, Prince, Duke, Duke sucks
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Terps and Bullets: A Tale of Two Seasons
First of all, your Hackneyed Headline of the Week is brought to you by Meow Mix. Meow Mix -- tastes so good, cats ask for it by name!
Now on to the post. Like it or not, the DC area's two premier basketball teams are the Washington Bullets and the Maryland Terrapins. (And yes, the Terps are still the top college program in the area. If you disagree, just have your team win the national championship, and I'll concede.)
And right now, these two teams are headed in complete opposite directions, with last night providing a perfect illustration. First, the the Bullets beat the Pistons to split the season series with them and basically become the unquestioned best team in the East as it stands right now. Gilbert, who I'd say is currently third in the MVP race behind Dirk and Nash, went for 36, 11, and 7. He's more than just a shooter -- at least, according to those pesky things called statistics. But it goes beyond him. The team has gelled over the past couple seasons, and it's really showing. If only all teams had the patience to reap the rewards of continuity *coughredskinscough*. And for the sake of my own optimism, I'm going to ignore Jamison's knee injury for the time being. Knee injury, what knee injury? Lalalala, can't hear you, la la la la la. I'm glad we could handle that like adults.
On the flip side, Maryland resumed their backslide, as Florida State put a whoopin on the Terps on the road. I'll admit Al Thornton played out of his mind in the second half. There's not much you can do against a performance like that. I can only think of one thing that could have maybe worked, and that is if Maryland maybe at some point had tried to GUARD him. I don't know -- just thinking outside the box a little bit. When FSU broke free for dunk after uncontested dunk, was that the Terps showing what warriors they are? D.J., where are your explanations when we need them?
It's funny, because five years ago, if you had told me that the Wizards would be #1 in the East and Maryland would be eighth in the ACC standings, I'd have laughed in your face. Go figure. Anyway, I'm glad at least the Bullets are good. With the Terps in reverse and the Skins entering another wacky, rudderless offseason, they will prevent me from going, I don't know, totally insane this winter. Thanks, fellas.
Hyperlinks:
- Terrapins Get Shelled Yet Again on the Road [Washington Post]
- Wizards' Gain Not Pain-Free [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Washington Wizards, Maryland Basketball, Maryland Terrapins, Terps
Now on to the post. Like it or not, the DC area's two premier basketball teams are the Washington Bullets and the Maryland Terrapins. (And yes, the Terps are still the top college program in the area. If you disagree, just have your team win the national championship, and I'll concede.)
And right now, these two teams are headed in complete opposite directions, with last night providing a perfect illustration. First, the the Bullets beat the Pistons to split the season series with them and basically become the unquestioned best team in the East as it stands right now. Gilbert, who I'd say is currently third in the MVP race behind Dirk and Nash, went for 36, 11, and 7. He's more than just a shooter -- at least, according to those pesky things called statistics. But it goes beyond him. The team has gelled over the past couple seasons, and it's really showing. If only all teams had the patience to reap the rewards of continuity *coughredskinscough*. And for the sake of my own optimism, I'm going to ignore Jamison's knee injury for the time being. Knee injury, what knee injury? Lalalala, can't hear you, la la la la la. I'm glad we could handle that like adults.
On the flip side, Maryland resumed their backslide, as Florida State put a whoopin on the Terps on the road. I'll admit Al Thornton played out of his mind in the second half. There's not much you can do against a performance like that. I can only think of one thing that could have maybe worked, and that is if Maryland maybe at some point had tried to GUARD him. I don't know -- just thinking outside the box a little bit. When FSU broke free for dunk after uncontested dunk, was that the Terps showing what warriors they are? D.J., where are your explanations when we need them?
It's funny, because five years ago, if you had told me that the Wizards would be #1 in the East and Maryland would be eighth in the ACC standings, I'd have laughed in your face. Go figure. Anyway, I'm glad at least the Bullets are good. With the Terps in reverse and the Skins entering another wacky, rudderless offseason, they will prevent me from going, I don't know, totally insane this winter. Thanks, fellas.
Hyperlinks:
- Terrapins Get Shelled Yet Again on the Road [Washington Post]
- Wizards' Gain Not Pain-Free [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Washington Wizards, Maryland Basketball, Maryland Terrapins, Terps
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Record-holding old person breaks record for shortest holding of record
Recently, a woman officially registered as the world's oldest living person died at 114. Emma Faust Tillman was the daughter of former slaves, which in and of itself is crazy. It feels like such a long time ago in the history books, but it's a mind-boggling fact that we live on the same planet with people who knew things like slavery and the Holocaust firsthand. Evil lives, my friends. It lurks on the faces of men and in the shadows between us. It lives. Oh yes. It lives.
(Did you like that? I got it from Phil Collins.)
Please don't bother me. I'm ooohhhhlllllllllld.
But what makes this woman's record notable from a records standpoint is that it sets a record for the shortest time anyone has held this particular record, for oldest living person. She only had the distinction for four days. So it's a record for a record being held the shortest by someone who has lived the longest. Doesn't that blow your mind, man? Just thinking about it causes my brain to leak from my head holes.
I think Guinness should play this to the hilt. They've got A LOT of stupid ass records on the books now. Remember when it used to be just the good records -- tallest man, fattest man, most expensive painting, most points in a game, etc.? Now they have records for things like most cockroaches eaten in one minute, furthest eyeball popper, largest collection of "aeroplane" sick bags, most books typed backward, and a bunch of other meaningless, made-for-TV crap that people did to acheive some measure of recognition in their otherwise forgettable lives. I think the record for shortest reign as world's oldest person should be the latest addition. That would be very, very exciting. Very.
Hyperlinks:
- World Oldest Woman Dies [CNN]
- Guinness World Records home page
Technorati tags: old women, world records
(Did you like that? I got it from Phil Collins.)
Please don't bother me. I'm ooohhhhlllllllllld.
But what makes this woman's record notable from a records standpoint is that it sets a record for the shortest time anyone has held this particular record, for oldest living person. She only had the distinction for four days. So it's a record for a record being held the shortest by someone who has lived the longest. Doesn't that blow your mind, man? Just thinking about it causes my brain to leak from my head holes.
I think Guinness should play this to the hilt. They've got A LOT of stupid ass records on the books now. Remember when it used to be just the good records -- tallest man, fattest man, most expensive painting, most points in a game, etc.? Now they have records for things like most cockroaches eaten in one minute, furthest eyeball popper, largest collection of "aeroplane" sick bags, most books typed backward, and a bunch of other meaningless, made-for-TV crap that people did to acheive some measure of recognition in their otherwise forgettable lives. I think the record for shortest reign as world's oldest person should be the latest addition. That would be very, very exciting. Very.
Hyperlinks:
- World Oldest Woman Dies [CNN]
- Guinness World Records home page
Technorati tags: old women, world records
Monday, January 29, 2007
Tea and low-fat shortbread cookies all around
Here we go. Super Bowl week, baby. It's the second-biggest sporting event on the normal American sports calendar (behind the Bassmaster Classic. No, just kidding, first is March Madness. But really it's Bassmasters).
As people settle in to the rhythmic news cycles of Super Bowl week, discuss how weary we all are of the can-Peyton-win-the-big-one talk, roll our eyes and become media critics during Media Day, dispute the wisdom of not giving Lovie Smith a big contract ("ya gotta give him the contract, man! Ya gotta!"), put our calls in for one Big Sandwich from the local deli, and so on and so forth, there was one piece of news over the weekend that should not be overlooked.
Specifically, it's that the Colts have Monday night off. And in her Colts Super Bowl Report on Friday-Saturday, ESPN reporter Marlo Klain casually mentioned at the end of her dispatch something along the lines that "Former Colt Edgerrin James sent word. When friends and fellow Miami alums Reggie Wayne and Dominic Rhodes get into Miami for the Super Bowl, he'll be ready for them." Ponder that for a second. What will that entail, do you think?
Do you think Edge parties?
I think if you ever hear those two sentences, that means that you are at the pinnacle of life. Really, can it get much higher than that? Edgerrin Fucking James is sending word to you that he'll be awaiting your arrival in Miami with all the blow and Cubana strippers you can possibly handle? You know, before you play in the Super Bowl later that week?
What, I wonder, would the opposite of those two setences be? Maybe something like "Your ex-wife's lawyer sent word. Before they calibrate the child support payment schedule, you must provide the court with proof that you lost your house and job due to criminal circumstances." Is that rock bottom? Either way, I should have been an NFL wide receiver. Why didn't I choose that as my major instead of whatever it is that I chose? Oh well. Fuck it.
There's nothing to do in Miami anyway.
As people settle in to the rhythmic news cycles of Super Bowl week, discuss how weary we all are of the can-Peyton-win-the-big-one talk, roll our eyes and become media critics during Media Day, dispute the wisdom of not giving Lovie Smith a big contract ("ya gotta give him the contract, man! Ya gotta!"), put our calls in for one Big Sandwich from the local deli, and so on and so forth, there was one piece of news over the weekend that should not be overlooked.
Specifically, it's that the Colts have Monday night off. And in her Colts Super Bowl Report on Friday-Saturday, ESPN reporter Marlo Klain casually mentioned at the end of her dispatch something along the lines that "Former Colt Edgerrin James sent word. When friends and fellow Miami alums Reggie Wayne and Dominic Rhodes get into Miami for the Super Bowl, he'll be ready for them." Ponder that for a second. What will that entail, do you think?
Do you think Edge parties?
I think if you ever hear those two sentences, that means that you are at the pinnacle of life. Really, can it get much higher than that? Edgerrin Fucking James is sending word to you that he'll be awaiting your arrival in Miami with all the blow and Cubana strippers you can possibly handle? You know, before you play in the Super Bowl later that week?
What, I wonder, would the opposite of those two setences be? Maybe something like "Your ex-wife's lawyer sent word. Before they calibrate the child support payment schedule, you must provide the court with proof that you lost your house and job due to criminal circumstances." Is that rock bottom? Either way, I should have been an NFL wide receiver. Why didn't I choose that as my major instead of whatever it is that I chose? Oh well. Fuck it.
There's nothing to do in Miami anyway.
Hyperlink:
- Colts Coach Gives Team Weekend Off [Indianapolis Star]
Technorati tags: Super Bowl, Colts, funny, Edgerrin James
Friday, January 26, 2007
Congratulations, Gilbert!
Getting his first All-Star start this year, and a well-deserved one at that. His MVP-caliber play in recent weeks propelled him past undeserving Vince Carter (who does him some nifty dunks I will admit, but trailed Gilbert in every important stat category, and his team isn't as good) at the last second. Looks like those three weeks I took off from work to stuff the ballot boxes for you really paid off.
So congratulations. Now don't spit the bit this time. On three...one, two, three, HIBACHI!
Another mystical accomplishment
for the fighter that is Agent Zero
Hyperlinks:
- Gilbert nabs All-Star starting position [Washington Post]
- Hey Nancy, why are you voting for Vince Carter for the All-Star Game? [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Gilbert Arenas, NBA All-Star Game
So congratulations. Now don't spit the bit this time. On three...one, two, three, HIBACHI!
Another mystical accomplishment
for the fighter that is Agent Zero
Hyperlinks:
- Gilbert nabs All-Star starting position [Washington Post]
- Hey Nancy, why are you voting for Vince Carter for the All-Star Game? [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: Gilbert Arenas, NBA All-Star Game
Thursday, January 25, 2007
D.J. Strawberry is going on my notice board
Through some kind-hearted serendipity (thanks GA), I was able to score two tickets to the Maryland game last night, a very nice win over Ga. Tech to get themselves off the ropes in the ACC. James Gist had the offensive game of his Terp career, putting the team on his back and scoring 26 despite sitting for 10 minutes because of fouls.
So I left Comcast Center feeling good. Not that I didn't see flaws, but I was determined to accentuate the positive. Until I had to go and ruin it by reading the newspaper (thanks Garrison Keillor, jerk). Contained therein were these post-game team reflections from a Mr. D.J. Strawberry:
Pardon me for saying so, D.J., but that quote is, how do you say, fucking wrong and ridiculous. D.J., what, exactly, do you mean by this? That you need to lose a few games before you find the motivation to play well? That you can only win after people have given up on you and stopped paying attention? That when good things are actually expected of you (due to playing well), you are unwilling or unable to rise to those expectations? That you do not welcome the pressure that comes along with such expectations?
That doesn't sound like "warrior" talk to me, D.J. And come to think of it, neither does your shit-talking after you make a jump shot to go up 4-2. It just makes you look scared, or like a bully (who inside are also scared because they feel too weak to pick a fight with an equal or superior). And by the way, want to know what else makes you look scared? When you have the ball with five seconds left at the end of the half, and you start to make your move and literally fall flat on your face and lose the ball, just as you did last night against Ga. Tech. You remember that? With time running out, wasn't your back against the wall there? What happened? Where was all your warrior juice then?
Hey, I know you're a young headstrong guy, and I think you are a nice college player. You had a decent game last night with (a quiet) 13 points on 5-10 shooting. And you need to be a strong presence if this team is going to do something this year. But here's a little friendly advice from someone who just wants to see you and the team find some success: Maybe you should worry more about being a winner, instead of worrying about whether everyone else thinks you're a winner. Don't give us that no one-believes-in-us-underdogs crap anymore. The only reason you guys are underdogs and people don't believe in you is because you can't find the balls to win a big game. (Or even just a road game.) Don't you want people to believe in the team and its abilities? Let us know and get back to us. We're fucking waiting.
Hyperlink:
- Terps Get Back Into Fray in ACC [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Maryland basketball, D.J. Strawberry, Terps
So I left Comcast Center feeling good. Not that I didn't see flaws, but I was determined to accentuate the positive. Until I had to go and ruin it by reading the newspaper (thanks Garrison Keillor, jerk). Contained therein were these post-game team reflections from a Mr. D.J. Strawberry:
"Our backs are still against the wall, and we love being in this position. When we are in this position is when we play the best, when everyone doubts us and says we're not going to do anything. We're all battlers and warriors on this team, and we all want to win bad."(Warning: If you don't like rants, don't read the rest of this.)
Pardon me for saying so, D.J., but that quote is, how do you say, fucking wrong and ridiculous. D.J., what, exactly, do you mean by this? That you need to lose a few games before you find the motivation to play well? That you can only win after people have given up on you and stopped paying attention? That when good things are actually expected of you (due to playing well), you are unwilling or unable to rise to those expectations? That you do not welcome the pressure that comes along with such expectations?
That doesn't sound like "warrior" talk to me, D.J. And come to think of it, neither does your shit-talking after you make a jump shot to go up 4-2. It just makes you look scared, or like a bully (who inside are also scared because they feel too weak to pick a fight with an equal or superior). And by the way, want to know what else makes you look scared? When you have the ball with five seconds left at the end of the half, and you start to make your move and literally fall flat on your face and lose the ball, just as you did last night against Ga. Tech. You remember that? With time running out, wasn't your back against the wall there? What happened? Where was all your warrior juice then?
Hey, I know you're a young headstrong guy, and I think you are a nice college player. You had a decent game last night with (a quiet) 13 points on 5-10 shooting. And you need to be a strong presence if this team is going to do something this year. But here's a little friendly advice from someone who just wants to see you and the team find some success: Maybe you should worry more about being a winner, instead of worrying about whether everyone else thinks you're a winner. Don't give us that no one-believes-in-us-underdogs crap anymore. The only reason you guys are underdogs and people don't believe in you is because you can't find the balls to win a big game. (Or even just a road game.) Don't you want people to believe in the team and its abilities? Let us know and get back to us. We're fucking waiting.
Hyperlink:
- Terps Get Back Into Fray in ACC [Washington Post]
Technorati tags: Maryland basketball, D.J. Strawberry, Terps
Cruise as Christ: I was way ahead of the curve on this one
Ever since the 1988 cinematic landmark Cocktail, Tom Cruise has been my own personal Messiah. My pathway out of this terrestrial drudgery. Now, it looks like the rest of the world is catching up. It's about time, world. You've been missing out.
An evening with Christ -- March 21-23 at the
Bradenton Convention Center. Get your tickets today!!!
According to the highly reputable British tabloid The Sun (which is where I get all my news when I am in Londontowne), the powers that be in the Scientology world have anointed Cruise as a Christ figure for their awesome alien-based religion, a man who will spread the word of Thetan rehabilitation far and wide, as spores upon the wind.
And yea, verily will Tom Cruise come unto us, and he will spread the Tech of the Dianetics, and we will walk in his light and purge our Engrams as together we resolutely ascend The Gradient. And now, truly does he say unto you, will we be enjoined of our E-meters and be glad in them all the days of our lives. Praise be to whatever it is that they praise. A-men.
(P.S. Thanks to BK for the tip.)
Hyperlink:
- Bizarre: Cruise "is Christ" of Scientology [The Sun]
Technorati tags: Tom Cruise
An evening with Christ -- March 21-23 at the
Bradenton Convention Center. Get your tickets today!!!
According to the highly reputable British tabloid The Sun (which is where I get all my news when I am in Londontowne), the powers that be in the Scientology world have anointed Cruise as a Christ figure for their awesome alien-based religion, a man who will spread the word of Thetan rehabilitation far and wide, as spores upon the wind.
And yea, verily will Tom Cruise come unto us, and he will spread the Tech of the Dianetics, and we will walk in his light and purge our Engrams as together we resolutely ascend The Gradient. And now, truly does he say unto you, will we be enjoined of our E-meters and be glad in them all the days of our lives. Praise be to whatever it is that they praise. A-men.
(P.S. Thanks to BK for the tip.)
Hyperlink:
- Bizarre: Cruise "is Christ" of Scientology [The Sun]
Technorati tags: Tom Cruise
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
What the hell is CNN.com smoking?
News today that the Senate didn't pass the House-approved minimum wage increase, yadda yadda yadda. And the news is on CNN.com as a top story.
And this is the headline link:
Raise for poor people gets nowhere in Senate
Raise for poor people? Is that the best they could do? A global multimedia empire has a headline writer that spits out things like "raise for poor people?" Once you get to the actual story, the headline is normal. But that link on the home page is just ridiculous. Forget accuracy - it's not even economical! "Minimum wage hike" has fewer letters and words. Gah! Raise for poor people?!?! And this is CNN!
Go check it out if you want. This isn't the first time that I've noticed this over on the "Top Stories" headline section of CNN.com, either. Maybe I should keep a running file on this.
Hyperlinks:
- Raise for Poor People Gets Nowhere in Senate [CNN]
- Let's Work Together to End Cartoon Violence [No One Appreciates Me]
- Gobbledy Gook Headline, anyone? [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: CNN, media, writing
And this is the headline link:
Raise for poor people gets nowhere in Senate
Raise for poor people? Is that the best they could do? A global multimedia empire has a headline writer that spits out things like "raise for poor people?" Once you get to the actual story, the headline is normal. But that link on the home page is just ridiculous. Forget accuracy - it's not even economical! "Minimum wage hike" has fewer letters and words. Gah! Raise for poor people?!?! And this is CNN!
Go check it out if you want. This isn't the first time that I've noticed this over on the "Top Stories" headline section of CNN.com, either. Maybe I should keep a running file on this.
Hyperlinks:
- Raise for Poor People Gets Nowhere in Senate [CNN]
- Let's Work Together to End Cartoon Violence [No One Appreciates Me]
- Gobbledy Gook Headline, anyone? [No One Appreciates Me]
Technorati tags: CNN, media, writing
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