Friday, January 05, 2007

Hey, Nancy. Why are you voting for Vince Carter for the All-Star game?

We need another term for "bandwagon" when it comes to Gilbert Arenas. How about "Swagwagon?" Or "Spaceship?" Sweet. I'm grabbing me a seat.

And today, I see that the latest All-Star game voting returns are in, and Gilbert is the third-highest vote getter among Eastern Conference guards. First is D-Wade. Okay, fine, whatever. But Vince Carter second? Whaaaa? He's still alive? Let's step away from the brink, shall we?

Wait, what's that? You think Vince is better? Because of that dunk contest he won like 14 years ago? Have you watched any games since then, or this season? No? You're just a passing-fancy fan who likes Vince's dunks and thinks he's kinda cute in those Gatorade commercials?

Fair enough, Nancy. Just for you, why don't we take a look at the numbers? In scoring, Gilbert is third in the league with 30.3. Vince is 11th with 25.4. That's five whole points per game more, Nance. Gilbert also has more than two assists per game more than Vince and also tops him in steals, three-point percentage, free-throw percentage, and minutes per game. If you don't know yet, you need to wake up. Gilbert Arenas is your father.

Vince leads Gilbert in rebounds with 5.9 to 4.5, but he's got three inches on him and Gilbert doesn't play in the block. Vince leads in field goal percentage by a measly .08 of a point, so that's basically a tie. But perhaps most importantly, Vince leads Gilbert in bitch-outs. Is that what you're most interested in? You like diva guys who pout on the bench? Well, can't argue with that. They don't keep a stat on it, but Vince has like eleventy million bitch-outs. He's a mail-it-in sucker, and this travesty has to end. In the meantime, I'll be in my spaceship. Correction. Gilbert's spaceship.

NBA All-Star Balloting Third Returns Announced []

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