Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Here's a list of things I lost in the horrible flood

Although I have not been contacted, I see news that the area around Lake Needwood - a scant mile and a half from my estate - is being evacuated. So I have decided to act pre-emptively and create for insurance purposes this list of irreplaceable items the flood took from me:

Honus Wagner baseball card

Twelve delightful Faberge eggs.
These were like my children.

Crazy upside-down airplane stamp.
Can you believe I found this at a yard
sale for two dollars?

Gold and silver doubloons - spectacular!
These were passed down to me from my
distant relative, Bluebeard, the coin collector.

The coup de grace: my solid gold bathroom.
I simply can no longer perform my daily ablutions
in anything less than solid gold. That may
be difficult for you people to understand, but please try.

I will expect remuneration in the form of a cashier's check no later than the 30th. I cannot discuss them further, as I am too traumatized by the loss of these items, which were so precious to me, from a purely sentimental standpoint. Thank you for your cooperation.

P.S. Not that anyone cares, but just to update the situation as of 6/29, my house was not flooded and everything is back to normal. Nevertheless, I continue to expect remuneration. What's the hold-up, Big Insurance? Bunch of bureaucrats is what you are.

- Washington Post

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