Friday, June 02, 2006

My dog ate my belt

First of all, I'm not what you would call a dog person. I'm just not. Some big dog barked in my face when I was a baby, and from what I've heard, things that happen to you when you're baby-sized create later trauma. But after years of physically forcing myself to deal with them, I got over it. Mostly.

Fast forward 10 the present day. It is present day America right now. Two months ago, my wife and I adopted a dog. And what a dog she is. Half German shepherd, half pit bull (I know - the perfect mix for someone who's tentative around dogs, YES!), and alllll crazy.

This is the calm...before the storm....

Actually, let me say that my dog has grown on me very much, and she's overall a very good girl. Aren't ya? Aren't ya, girl? Yes, yes, you are. You're a good puppy-wuppy-weepy-woo.

But sometimes...she has these moods. There are dark places in her brain, places we don't talk about at parties. And when those strike, well, there's no quarter.

Case in point: last week, she ate my belt. She didn't bite it, didn't tear it up. She physically consumed the belt. She was home alone in her kennel, and the belt was ten feet away from her, hanging on a chair. She deliberately moved herself, in the kennel, over to the belt. And ate it. When I came home, all that remained was a lonely buckle, lying askew on the linoleum.

So what happened? For about four days, nothing. She was fine. But on the fifth day, pieces of belt started coming out in her crap. Then she stopped crapping. Then it was all liquid. Then she vomited up some belt (and other stuff). And then my wife took her to the vet. The vet advised us to give her some Pepcid AC (what?) and don't feed her for a day. Then, she charged us one hundred and fifty dollars. Thank you, doctor. You've done a good turn here today. Now, the vet advised us, over the next few days, your dog is going to be crapping out the last of the belt. So take her on a lot of walks, and bring a lot of crap bags. Christmas in June!

So anyway, my dog is nice, but she's a little crazy. That belt wasn't beef jerky, you, er, jerk! And now on top of all that, I need a new belt. This one, I'm storing in a lockbox.

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frisbeebk said...

Dont u know there is a rightful place for everything. Hanging on a chair does not sound like the rightful place. One should not leave their belt just lying around. If you do ur just asking for someone or something to eat it! Didnt ur mom teach u that?

MSH said...

Hmmm...actually, I think it was YOUR mom who taught me that. Boo yeah!

Deb said...

I can totally relate to your problem. My dog, which happens to be listed at the top of the smart list in dogs,(this is questionable in my mind)eats paper products as if it were dog food. In fact he eats more paper stuff than dog food. When he was a puppy, he ate makeup sponges, my socks,nylons,and God knows what else, but I have my suspicions. Like the muzzle I bought to teach him not to bite and bark in my ear! It disappeared after the third time I used it to discipline him. IT HAS NEVER BEEN FOUND. And believe me I looked for it. Also my set of car and house keys. I'd like to say it gets better with age, but not much. At least for now he is only consuming paper stuff, which means I have to make sure any important papers are out of his reach, which I haven't quite figured out where that is!
Good Luck....Deborah