Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Record-holding old person breaks record for shortest holding of record

Recently, a woman officially registered as the world's oldest living person died at 114. Emma Faust Tillman was the daughter of former slaves, which in and of itself is crazy. It feels like such a long time ago in the history books, but it's a mind-boggling fact that we live on the same planet with people who knew things like slavery and the Holocaust firsthand. Evil lives, my friends. It lurks on the faces of men and in the shadows between us. It lives. Oh yes. It lives.

(Did you like that? I got it from Phil Collins.)

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Please don't bother me. I'm ooohhhhlllllllllld.

But what makes this woman's record notable from a records standpoint is that it sets a record for the shortest time anyone has held this particular record, for oldest living person. She only had the distinction for four days. So it's a record for a record being held the shortest by someone who has lived the longest. Doesn't that blow your mind, man? Just thinking about it causes my brain to leak from my head holes.

I think Guinness should play this to the hilt. They've got A LOT of stupid ass records on the books now. Remember when it used to be just the good records -- tallest man, fattest man, most expensive painting, most points in a game, etc.? Now they have records for things like
most cockroaches eaten in one minute, furthest eyeball popper, largest collection of "aeroplane" sick bags, most books typed backward, and a bunch of other meaningless, made-for-TV crap that people did to acheive some measure of recognition in their otherwise forgettable lives. I think the record for shortest reign as world's oldest person should be the latest addition. That would be very, very exciting. Very.

World Oldest Woman Dies [CNN]
Guinness World Records home page

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