Here we go. Super Bowl week, baby. It's the second-biggest sporting event on the normal American sports calendar (behind the Bassmaster Classic. No, just kidding, first is March Madness. But really it's Bassmasters).
As people settle in to the rhythmic news cycles of Super Bowl week, discuss how weary we all are of the can-Peyton-win-the-big-one talk, roll our eyes and become media critics during Media Day, dispute the wisdom of not giving Lovie Smith a big contract ("ya gotta give him the contract, man! Ya gotta!"), put our calls in for one Big Sandwich from the local deli, and so on and so forth, there was one piece of news over the weekend that should not be overlooked.
Specifically, it's that the Colts have Monday night off. And in her Colts Super Bowl Report on Friday-Saturday, ESPN reporter Marlo Klain casually mentioned at the end of her dispatch something along the lines that "Former Colt Edgerrin James sent word. When friends and fellow Miami alums Reggie Wayne and Dominic Rhodes get into Miami for the Super Bowl, he'll be ready for them." Ponder that for a second. What will that entail, do you think?
Do you think Edge parties?
I think if you ever hear those two sentences, that means that you are at the pinnacle of life. Really, can it get much higher than that? Edgerrin Fucking James is sending word to you that he'll be awaiting your arrival in Miami with all the blow and Cubana strippers you can possibly handle? You know, before you play in the Super Bowl later that week?
What, I wonder, would the opposite of those two setences be? Maybe something like "Your ex-wife's lawyer sent word. Before they calibrate the child support payment schedule, you must provide the court with proof that you lost your house and job due to criminal circumstances." Is that rock bottom? Either way, I should have been an NFL wide receiver. Why didn't I choose that as my major instead of whatever it is that I chose? Oh well. Fuck it.
There's nothing to do in Miami anyway.