Wednesday, January 10, 2007

What? Travis Garrison didn't go to Maryland. Who's Travis Garrison?

As the meat of Maryland's basketball season begins tonight when Miami comes to Comcast Center, it should be a time of excitement. And it is. But only because of other Maryland news--former Terp baller Travis Garrison avoided jail time.

If you'll recall, Garrison was arrested for hitting a woman in a bar. Not only did he avoid jail time, he avoided being registered as a sex offender as well. Woo-Hoo! So that's good news. Thanks to the leniency, Garrison helps preserve the Maryland basketball team's no-registered-sex-offender streak. Hey, don't scoff at that. That's a good streak. I would say he kept the team's noone-in-prison streak alive, too. But, you know, there's
Lonny Baxter.

So embarrassment has been avoided--at least, off the court. On the court, the torrent of Garrison-related embarrassment continues. He somehow conned the CBA's
Great Falls (the ones in Montana, not Maryland and Virginia) Explorers into giving him a contract. That is one proud basketball state.

Garrison (fourth from right, the one shrinking away from the play)
helps carry on the tradition of Montana basketball.

But I have to give the Explorers props. I wouldn't give Travis Garrison a contract if I was the coach in Teen Wolf and just found out Boof gave Jason Bateman the clap.

Why? Because Travis Garrison is a bitch. Those are the ones who hit women - the bitches. And his play backed it up. He was a bitch! A bitch! Bitch! Ah, that feels good. Whenever anyone is playing at Maryland, it's verboten in some goody-two-shoes circles to disparage "the kids." Hey, man, be nice! He wears the Maryland uniform! And he's just a kid. Stop throwing that women's lingerie at him! Well, he doesn't wear the uniform anymore now, does he? Travis, I am disowning you. I disavow any knowledge of your time at Maryland. It never happened. And if you don't believe me, check the NCAA March Madness rosters. Do I see your name anywhere on that, Travis? Yeah, no. I rest my case.

Judge Tapers Garrison's Sentence [Washington Post]
Terrapins Are On Guard Against Miami [Washington Post]
Baxter Receives Amazingly Quick Justice [Deadspin]
Great Falls Explorers [CBA]

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