No One Appreciates Me. At All.: Daylight Savings Time change a recipe for unmitigated disaster

So this Sunday, March 11, Daylight Savings Time will begin. But this is the first time it has started this early -- in fact, several weeks earlier than in the past. And you know what? I smell trouble. With a capital T, and that rhymes with D, and that rhymes with T, and that stands for Time!

The government said they are doing this to help the nation conserve energy. And this has got to be the easiest way to do it. Rather than actually conserving actual energy, let's just fuck around with our time construct. That's not weird. No cosmic implications there. In fact, why don't we just ban darkness? We're America, fool. We can do that shit. And don't give me any more of this "saving energy" tapdance. If there was ever a more fiendish plot to methodically eradicate the world's vampire population, then I've never heard about it. And furthermore, note that the article linked above appears in Time magazine. TIME magazine?!?!? Take the blinders off, people. We can't afford to be this naive.

Yes, Vlad. Be afraid. Your extinction is close at hand.

And if this weren't all bad enough, there are reports that this is like a mini Y2K. Remember Y2K, when planes fell out of the sky and ATMs started eating people? That was awful. People said I was mad to go live in that lean-to in the woods, subsisting on grubs and tadpole water. But who's mad now, dude? HUH? Answer me. WHO'S MAD NOW?

Anyway, computers all need to get special patches now to update their internal clocks for this change, and it's already causing problems for automated appointment systems and the like. It is actually happening in my office. Like my two-o-clock? That I scheduled for next Tuesday? Is now showing up as a three-o-clock? Oh, the humanity! How am I supposed to function like this? See, this is what happens when we mess around with that which we cannot control. Like The Hands of Time. Word up.

And the final straw is, in light of all this (pun intended), I don't know why "Standard Time" is still "Standard Time." Daylight Savings Time now occupies almost eight full months of the American calendar. It should be "Time" and "Short Time." We need to simplify, man. Not complicatify. You know what, this is all too much for me. I'll be in my lean-to.

(Update: See? John Popper knows about all this, too. Stay strong, brother. Don't ever let 'em get to you.)

Hyperlinks:
- Saving Even More Daylight [Time]
- Daylight Saving Time - Saving Time, Saving Energy [California Energy Commission]

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