ESPN shifts principle coverage focus to ESPN

ESPN announced recently that they were "going in another direction" with the focus of their network. Long regarded as the top cable destination for sports programming, the channel will now officially shift its format to focus almost entirely on ESPN and other matters related to itself.


Surrender all conscious thought to ESPN...
and its licensed subsidiaries...

While it has been moving this way for some time, ESPN officially rolled out the new format on the March 2 SportsCenter, which included two of its newly formatted "news items." One announced the return of Bill Parcells to ESPN as a football commentator, and another reported an exciting new contract renewal that will allow ESPN to continue to broadcast USGA golf events through 2014. This is in addition to copious coverage and advertisement for the Arena Football League and NASCAR, both of which ESPN will broadcast for the first time this year.

The new format is null and void in relation to negative network matters, such as the terminations of popular personalities Harold Reynolds and Jason Whitlock, the abject failure of such programs as Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith and ESPN Mobile, or ongoing business dust-ups, such as its broadcast dispute with the Chinese government.

ESPN officials had no comment, citing the negative aspects of ESPN mentioned earlier in this report, although one was heard to call a certain blogger "a fucking jerk," vowing to "get [the blogger]! Read my lips, chump! You'll pay!"

ESPN reportedly plans to rename flagship program SportsCenter, with new name finalists including "ESPNCenter," "ESPNESPN," "ESPN is The Only Brand You Will Respond To And You Will Do So Like The Dirty Dog That You Are," and "You Will Take What We Give You And Like It You Wretched Fucking Peon."

Hyperlinks:
- Parcells Rejoins ESPN as football studio analyst [ESPN]
- ESPN Will Show U.S. Open, Other USGA Events [ESPN]
- Answers few in Reynolds' case vs. ESPN [Orlando Sentinel]
- Jason Whitlock Leaves ESPN With Guns Ablaze [Deadspin]
- Smith's 'Quite Frankly' is canceled by ESPN [Philadelphia Inquirer]
- ESPN Mobile Failure [SearchView]
- Disney unaware of ESPN China licensing issues [Forbes]

Technorati tags: ESPN