Thursday, April 27, 2006

Dog eaters cry foul on Nationals sale rumors

Washington, D.C. -- Amid rumors the Washington Nationals baseball franchise will be sold to a group led by local real estate magnate Theodore Lerner, some have claimed a second group fell victim to discrimination during the process.

Earlier in the month,
reports surfaced surrounding the history of that group's leader, Fred V. Malek. One particularly controversial report revealed authorities arrested Malek and several friends in 1959 for killing, gutting, and grilling a dog.

A woman sells dog meat, possibly to Fred Malek

Following the rumor of the Lerner sale, advocates leapt to Malek's defense, asserting that he may have been the target of anti-dog-eater sentiment.

"If Fred Malek was rejected as the Nationals owner just because he may have eaten a dog, then you have to ask yourself: where are we as a society?" said Francis Gross, president of the National Coalition to Promote Dog Eating. "The canine species are rich in protein and other nutrients. What kind of a message are we sending our children? That we don't want them to have a balanced diet? We condemn this discrimination in the strongest possible terms.

"This is the biggest black eye yet for baseball."

Others shared Gross's sentiment.

"Sure, I ate a little dog once or twice," said Neil Aiken, a Fairfax drywall inspector. "And yes, I've also worshipped a little Satan, slapped a few babies around, clubbed a little seal. So sue me! Sue me for leading the life that most people only dare to dream of."

Baseball officials could not be reached for comment.

Dog-eating experts suggested Malek move to South Korea, where he may devour as many dogs as his heart desires, unfettered by the shackles of Western society.

Washington Post
story link on Nats rumors

Yahoo! Sports
story link on Lerner sale

Washington Post
story link on dog grilling

(Photo Credit: Rathavary Duong/Reuters)

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Anonymous said...

This is actually how the interview with Francis Gross went:

HARRIS Thanks a bunch. (to Gross, who's nursing his coffee) Want a sausage?
GROSS Naw, I don't eat pork.
HARRIS Are you Jewish?
GROSS I ain't Jewish man, I just don't dig on swine.
HARRIS Why not?
GROSS They're filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
HARRIS Sausages taste good. Pork chops taste good.
GROSS A sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie. I'll never know 'cause even if it did, I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I don't wanna eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense to disregard its own feces.
HARRIS How about dogs? Dogs eat their own feces.
GROSS I don't eat dog either.
HARRIS Yes, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
GROSS I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy, but they're definitely dirty. But a dog's got personality. And personality goes a long way.
HARRIS So by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he's cease to be a filthy animal?
GROSS We'd have to be talkin' 'bout one motherfuckin' charmin' pig. It'd have to be the Cary Grant of pigs.

MSH said...

At which point, Gross said "no wait, I DO eat dogs! I'm the president of that society and what not. My bad."

Harris then laughed and said "I'm gonna go take a shit. To be continued."