Tuesday, April 11, 2006

If Karate Kid were filmed today, Johnny would play lacrosse

Even if, as the Washington Post reports today, there's no DNA evidence that the Duke lacrosse team committed a sexual assault (and in case you've been away at Hogwarts, the essentially all-white team was accused of gang-raping a black stripper), there's still something fishy going on.

How do I know? Because they're freaking lacrosse players!

This guy's gonna be your boss someday!

These guys travel in packs. They do their best to humiliate - usually verbally - everyone around them. They're the guys who put their balls on your face if you fall asleep. They go to exclusive prep schools and private or big state colleges. And they're assholes. Take it from me - I went to Maryland, a lacrosse hotbed. Throw in the fact that these guys are Dookies, and I'm surprised their tongues aren't forked.

Sure, they're not all bad (my cousin plays D-II lacrosse), and guys in more "high-profile" sports do worse things more regularly. Points granted. But with lacrosse players, it just feels more deliberate. More evil, even. There's more of them than you and they know it, they're going to pour beer on your date, and there's nothing you can do about it. They're schoolyard bullies with a lifelong sense of entitlement (which can't be said for many athletes in other sports) who make a conscious decision to amuse themselves through sadism.

But if nothing else good comes out of this, at least previous non-believers finally see how much Duke sucks. And lacrosse players have been exposed for the scumbags and morons that many of them are.

Still not convinced? Read this e-mail, seized by the police after the incident and penned by team member Ryan McFadyen, the guy pictured above. The prosecution rests.

Washington Post story link

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R2K said...


Grant Miller said...

Have you ever known someone from Duke? They're all assholes. You'd think they fucking won a McArthur Genius Grant they think they're so smart.

MSH said...

More than I wish to remember or count. It's like they spike the Duke University water supply with jerk juice.