Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Hi, I'm Keith Hernandez.

In case you missed it, a few days ago, famous ex-baseball player and current Mets TV broadcaster Keith Hernandez saw a girl in the San Diego Padres dugout during a game. Can you believe it?!?!? A girl!!

Hernandez took immediate action. "Who is the girl in the dugout, with the long hair?" Hernandez wondered aloud, on the air. "What's going on here?"

That's what I wanted to know, Keith.

How'd you manage to get in here, sugar?

"You have got to be kidding me," Hernandez continued. "Only player personnel in the dugout." Yeah. What did that girl do? Sneak in there to, you know, steal some kisses from the players?

"I thought she was Morganna for a minute," he theorized, clearly confused. "But she wasn't blonde."

Okay, so that theory's gone.

"I won't say that women belong in the kitchen," mused Hernandez. "But they don't belong in the dugout."

"You know I am only teasing," Hernandez finally concluded. "I love you gals out there -- always have."

He then smoothed out his mustaches, raised an eyebrow, and launched into a chorus of
Danke Schoen.

The strangest part of this story, however, is its postscript. It turns out the girl was - get this - a team employee! WHAT?!? So she belonged there. According to some people, anyway. And now, she's getting all indignant about this! Can you believe it? She's actually mouthing off to Keith Hernandez! Just like Keith, I love you ladies out there, but you just don't understand how it is! It's not your fault, though. It's all biology. Remind me to tell you about it sometime! I can do it reeeeeal slow for you.

So until then, I say cool out, baby! It must be someone's special time of the month, if you know what I mean. Now back that little butt of yours in here and give this a massage! Ooooh, yeah. That's what Keith Hernandez likes.

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Town E. Dispatch said...

second greatest episode of seinfeld ever.

MSH said...

What's your #1, The Contest?

Mine is the one where George convinces the girl that he's a marine biologist.

Town E. Dispatch said...

you sir, are correct on the greatest episode ever.

"the sea was angry that day my friends..."

Gary Aiken said...

Hole in one! For the record, Shaq's favorite is "The Contest".