Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Farewell, to a different TomKat

No, not the one getting fake married. Two of my heroes - Tom DeLay and Katie Couric - have announced they are riding into their respective sunsets, after a fashion. Couric, journalistic powerhouse and the greatest elf spokeswoman since E.L. Fudge, is reportedly leaving the Today show to anchor the CBS evening news. And DeLay, that bastion of honesty, fairness, and cooperation on Capitol Hill, has decided not to seek another term in Congress.

I say, why do the good always have to leave us so soon?

Katie, despite
cruelty-to-staff rumors, I loved you like an aunt. A sister. A second wife, even. And although you're going on to bigger things, your old Today show pastures will never smell as sweet to this viewer. Maybe you want Kirsten Dunst to bring her own meatball questions next time. Is that what you want? Huh? And who's going to clap along blankly with Marc Anthony at this year's Summer Concert Series? WHO, KATIE? And Ann Coulter can't glower at herself, you know. Or wait - maybe she can.

And Tom, Tom. My man. Who's going to orchestrate all those super-effective grassroots efforts, help our nation's beleaguered wealthy, and take all those lobbyist bribes? When I think of all those C-notes blowing ownerless out of briefcases and drifting down Independence Avenue in the plucky April breeze, the porterhouse steak cooling uneaten on The Caucus Room table, the private jet all gassed up with nowhere to go, well, I didn't sleep a wink last night. Who, oh WHO, is going to stand up for the principles and convictions of liberty and justice for all, the very ideals this country was founded on, if not THE HAMMER? WHO?

So please excuse me if I'm rambling. I'm exhausted from sleeplessness. And crying. Good day.

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