Friday, April 07, 2006

I always cry at The Masters

(In five, four, three, two, cue piano...)

Jim Nantz: Welcome once again, to The Masters. This is the 70th renewal of the tradition here at Augusta, a tradition unlike any other, of any kind, anywhere, in the world. The excellence. The majesty. The Tradition. And the tradition. Here at Augusta, where the warm spring sunshine falls golden upon the shoulders...of the world's greatest golfers. Augusta Chairman Hootie Johnson has sounded the horn for the start of "The Toonament," and the patrons are watching...for history. The azaleas are in full bloom around Amen Corner, and Rae's Creek sparkles with the knowledge...that a new champion...a new be crowned.

The approach at 13...and I've got something in my eye.

Hi again, everybody, I'm Jim Nantz, alongside my partner David Faherty, David, after the first day,
Vijay Singh holds the lead, but another, less likely face, is hot upon his Fijian heels.

David Faherty: That's right, Jimmy, ya fookin Yankee!! Rocco Mediate is only a wee shot behind. But frankly, I doon't see hoo anythin could make this anymore borin rite noo, with Vijay and Rocco havin all the charisma of shoe leather, Jimmy!

Jim Nantz: Oh, come on!

David Faherty: Noo, it's true, and you'd say it yourself if you weren't so stuffy in your stuffed soot, Jimmy! Throw Retief Goosen into the mix, and I'd litrally be dyin of boredom! Rite in fronta ya! Me airways would slooly be dryin up, and the ooxygen would slooly be choked off from me lungs!

Jim Nantz: So who do you like make a Augusta National...on this second day? And where? Perhaps at Golden Bell! Or the haunting, mysterious Nandina, who confounds even the world's greatest...with her allure...and her beauty.

David Faherty: Well, I don't know about that, Jimmy. All I knoo is they've been yappin a lot about how
power hitters are out of luck with the new course re-design. But nevertheless, I like the chances of the Left-Hander, Phil Mickelson, to make a move. He has the sweetest swing since John L. Sullivan, and he'll put it to right and proper yoose todeey.

Jim Nantz: Thank you, David. And now...let this montage...take you back...and revist the ghosts of Augusta past...who have donned the green jacket in Masters glory...

(In five, four, three, two...turn up the piano...aaand, montage!)

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