Welcome to Verizon Center. To continue in English, press One. Para instrucciones en Espanol, aprima numero Dos.
1.
To purchase Verizon service, press One. To change existing service, press Two. For information on the history and physical dimensions of Verizon Center, press Three. To purchase Verizon Center luxury boxes, press Four. For Verizon Center event information, press Five.
5.
For information on Washington Wizards basketball games, press One.
1.
You have selected, The Ice Capades. If this is correct, press One. If this is incorrect, press Two.
2.
For information on Washington Wizards basketball games, press One.
1.
You have selected, Washington Wizards basketball games. If this is correct, press One. If this is incorrect, press Two.
1.
For information on Washington Wizards season tickets, press One. For information on today's game against the...Sacramento...Kings...press Two. For all other inquiries, press Three.
2.
To speak with a customer service representative, press Zero.
0.
To speak with a customer service represent--.
0.
To speak with a cust--
0.
To speak--
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.
Please hold. Your call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes. Your estimated wait time is....SIX...minutes.
[Eleven minutes later]
Representative: Welcome to Verizon where we never stop working for you this is Sierra may I have your account number.
Me: Yes, hi, I don't have an account number, but I'm standing outside the Verizon Center and I want to go in to see the game. It's nearly halftime now and I'd really like to catch the second half!
Sierra: Okay, sir, I can assist you with that. What game would you like to see.
Me: The one today. The one going on right now! I just need someone to let me inside!
Sierra: Okay, sir, what I can do is go ahead and put you in touch with a Verizon Center ticket agent.
Me: No--
Sierra: Please hold--
Me: NOOOOO!!!! Wait! I have my ticket, and I just spoke to an agent, he said I needed to call you!
Sierra: Well, I don't know what they're talking about, sir. I have no authorization to assist you any further.
Me: No, you do! The agent said you needed to give me the access mainframe connector code so you could assess me my entrance and facility usage fees!
Sierra: Ohhhhhhh! Well, sir, why didn't you just say that from the beginning? Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with you customers these days.
Me: I didn't--
Sierra: Hold for one moment.
Me: Hello?
Your call is very important to us. Please continue to stay on the line. Your estimated wait time is....SIX....minutes....
[Baby, come back! You can blame it all, on, meeee! I was wrong, and I just can't live without you...]
[Sound of rifle cocking]
dc, Washington Wizards
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