Thanks to my friend Gary Aiken, I will be at Comcast Center for tonight's tilt between the Maryland Terrapins and the Miami Hurricanes. Not only does the game have "serious implications" (if nothing else, maybe the Terps could avenge their two straight losses to the Canes), but it also comes on that most important of nights - Senior Night!
It's no secret that Maryland's seniors haven't lived up to their lofty expectations, suffering one setback after another. But this is their special night. A special night for some "special" seniors. Whatever. I won't specifically get on any of them.
Any of them, that is, except for one Travis Garrison.
Last chance, Travis. Now, shock me.
When Garrison gets introduced, I just might scream my lungs out. After his grandiose claims a few days ago that they were going to "shock a lot of people," I expect him to come out and lead the Terps to a victory, and will be rooting for him to do just that. If he should fail in these endeavors, he might hear a lilting, beer-soaked vocal serenade. From me. And that serenade, which will usher sweetly and sublimely into the lofty rafters of the Comcast Center, to mingle among the banners of champions past with its own woven banner of obscenity, will go a little something. Like this:
"GARRISON! YOU FUCKING BLOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WASTED A ROSTER SPOT ON THIS TEAM FOR FOUR CONSECUTIVE SEASONS AND THAT IN YOUR SENIOR YEAR YOU ACTUALLY LOST YOUR STARTING SPOT! YOU HAVE THE BACKBONE OF A FUCKING DEAD JELLYFISH! YOU'RE TERRENCE MORRIS WITHOUT THE TALENT! SHOOT ANOTHER ONE OFF THE SIDE OF THE BACKBOARD, YOU DUMB SHIT WET NOODLE MILQUETOAST POOR EXCUSE FOR A PLAYER! GOOD RIDDANCE, TRAVIS! GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR INSURANCE CAREER! HOPE YOU'RE ABLE TO HANDLE THE FAX MACHINE BETTER THAN YOU HANDLED A BASKETBALL. WAY TO TALK A BIG GAME ALL THE TIME BUT NEVER, EVER BACK IT UP! JERK! JERK! JEEEEEERRRRRRRRK!"
Sure, I'll be in the nosebleed section, and he may not hear me. But he'll feel me. And isn't that what's most important here on Senior Night? The feelings?
P.S. I heard Chris McCray decided not to come out and be honored. Interesting. I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying.