Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Chris Daughtry - the fix is in

I enjoyed all of last night's American Idol episode, except some of the singing. And oh yes, that small matter of the fact that I hate Chris Daughtry.

This one's for all you Chris-aholics out there! I love
you people! Rock on! Look for my profile in this month's
issue of Oprah magazine!

He couldn't be any more arrogant, and his rocker gimmick is completely fake. If this was 1999, he'd be doing a boy band routine. But unfortunately, the fix is in. The judges all want him to win, including lovestruck Paula, who was wasted again after a harrowing week of sobriety. You can tell Simon wants Chris to win, because during his comments, he speaks to him "man-to-man," even when the comments are negative. In other words, he gives Chris respect, as he mocks the others.

Since it was Elvis night, Daughtry sang "Suspicious Minds," one of my least favorite songs EVER. It was fake, contrived, and boring. The judges loved it. Then, as Chris waxed poetic on his millions of fans, he fixes the camera with that trademark stare and says "oh by the way, to answer everyone's's boxer briefs." Indeed.

Meanwhile, Taylor and Elliott were singing their asses off, and no one seemed to care. But to me, they're both winners. Overcoming mental handicaps is never a laughing matter. My girl Katherine McPhee was simply at a disadvantage. She couldn't be any less suited to Elvis impersonations.

But whatever. At this point, I kind of hope Daughtry wins. That way, he won't be able to go off and be the lead singer of Fuel - no, seriously. He'll have to release crappy solo albums, slowly killing his rocker soul. What a choad. Anyone who can't see right through him is stupid. Sorry, but it's true.

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