Throw it DOWN, big man, throw it DOWN! Yes, indeed, fellow hoopheads, now is the most special time of the year, as we hurtle ever closer to that climax of the basketball calendar, that contraction of ecstasy that is the NBA Finals! And as these fierce and valiant warriors square off in a battle literally to the very death, we see that some are more valiant than others, and those who once were mighty now crash to the earth around us like hailstones!
Take last night's monstrous victory by the Cleveland Cavaliers, which proves once and for all that, despite all the hype, the Detroit Pistons are unequivocally the worst team remaining in these playoffs! They say a wicked man has all the chance of reaching heaven as stepping through the eye of a needle. And similarly, the beautifully talented but wicked Rasheed Wallace, after making another of his patented GuaranSheeds of victory for which he is renowned the world over, only to be silenced after converting only three of 13 jump shot opportunities, has all the chances of reaching the Finals as the sinner does of skirting St. Peter!
These Pistons have been absolutely manhandled by the manchild, Marv! One LeBron James, now bulldozing his way through all comers and into world history! Did I predict that these Cavaliers would be the sleeper of these playoffs? Of coooourse I did! His game is truly staggering to behold, and I will say here, boldly, that we are all witnesses to his glory. That is the first time anyone has ever used that phrase for LeBron James. We are all witnesses.
As for GuaranSheed, he can only drink bitter tears of defeat, and wonder where it all went wrong. You are long and lean and gifted, Mr. Wallace, but this year, due to your audacity OFF the court, your glory ON the court...will have to wait.
So until next time, this is Bill Walton reminding you to THROW IT DOWN, young man! Throw it DOOWWWWWNNNN!!!!
Washington Post story link
Akron Beacon-Journal story link