81? Oh my God!

I was going to write a blog today about Jake Plummer's unfortunate, if predictable, vomiting-on-himself episode in the AFC championship game, as well as the Seahawks' long-awaited and well-earned first Super Bowl berth.

That was before I opened the newspaper this morning.

After doing so, I discovered that one Kobe Bryant went off last night for an astounding 81 points - the second-highest single-game total in history, behind only fellow Laker Wilt Chamberlain's 100 - in NBA history. He scored almost 65 percent of his team's total points. My witty rejoinder to this is something along the lines of, Oh My God.


Gaze upon the visage of planet Earth's greatest basketball player.

Good point in the L.A. Times about this, too, basically saying that this explosion wasn't entirely unforeseen. When you've been "working up" to a game like this, almost as if it was a question not of if but of when, then you, my friend, are a basketball player for the ages.

Now I admit that I've been among the legion of Kobe haters. I was one of the many who felt he was too selfish and too "me-first" to ever have real success running his own team after ratting out Shaq and running him out of town. And you know what? That might all still be true. They're still just 22-19 and third in their division. If the playoffs started today, they would have the seventh (out of eight) playoff spot. So in terms of leading a truly winning team, Kobe Bryant has yet to be successful.

However. The guy scored 81 freaking points last night! Give him the MVP trophy right now. I mean, right. Now. Stop the season. The guy can't be stopped. I just wished I'd seen the game. Stupid late West Coast start times.


Please don't hurt me, sir. What have I done to upset you, my liege, so that I might rectify my transgression?

So anyway, put me in the converted column. I've still got Kobe questions - he's still not even a scrub on my All-Time Squad with Jordan, Robertson, Bird, Russell, Shaq, and a very few others. But there is absolutely no more doubt as to whether he's a true, true great. The guy is a monster, and I have to tip my cap. Thank goodness he doesn't play the defensively hur-ting Wizards again this season. That could have been ugly.

P.S. A quick congrats to the Georgetown Hoyas, now officially the D.C. area's second-best college basketball team.

Humans and Whales: There ain't room enough for the both of us

First of all, just finished reading Philip Roth's The Human Stain, and it was a very good read. Roth has this unusual and compelling style where you're not sure whether you're reading fiction or non-fiction. It's a very cool thing. The Human Stain is one in a trilogy of books Roth wrote with common themes regarding the last half of the 20th century. (The other two are American Pastoral and I Married A Communist.)


Doesn't this book jacket kick ass? Yeah, it does!

I never read the Communist one, but Pastoral and Stain are like polar opposites of each other, in a good way. They are "bookends" if you will. Pastoral deals with a man with a perfect outward life whose family crisis ruins him, while Stain deals with a man whose outward crisis ruins his family life. There's overlap, of course, but that's it in a nutshell. I liked Pastoral better, but Stain was good, too. Roth can be a little self-indulgent and long-winded sometimes, but the way he explores the insides of his characters is terrific. I think of him as a kind of modern-day Henry James, in some ways. But anyway, if you never read Roth before, you should. He's got all kinds of great stuff out there. Or, if you are a lazy American who sacrifices self-actualization on the altar of instant gratification, you can watch the movie. Wait. I want to watch the movie, too. Who am I kidding? Nicole Kidman is hot.

Speaking of human stains, though, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this latest government report about beached whales that, shockingly, completely and deliberately failed to mention naval sonar as a possible cause of whale beachings. Surprise!


AAAAAAARRRRRUUUGHGHGHGH!!!!! Looks like I just randomly beached myself for no reason. My bad!

The Bush administration, editing scientific reports for their own benefit? It's true! But hey, it's their prerogative. This administration has no time for "facts," or "information." Let's just slash scientician funding and end this scientistical talk once and for all.


Hey, if you guys want to eat me, go ahead. I'm just gonna die out here anyway.

After all, I mean, don't you want the whales to beach themselves? That's good eats! And does it look like I'm made of lamp oil? No. No, it does not. Want to know why? Because I'm NOT made of freaking lamp oil, that's why! And if you'll excuse me, Mr. "I don't like it when whales die," but I have a shack to heat. And if you don't think those shacks get drafty, come pay me a visit some time! Whale burgers on me.

(Bottom two photo credits: Science Daily, NRDC)

Rolling Stone needs to simmer

So I feel the need to open a can of worms today. And that can is called, What the hell is up with Rolling Stone magazine these days?

This week, there's this article on their Web site about Axl Rose, and the new Guns N' Roses record, the oft-delayed "Chinese Democracy," which Axl swears in the interview will be released this year. That's right, Axl. And I think I just saw my spaceship land, and there are lollipops coming out!

But regardless, in this interview, they refer to "Chinese Democracy" as "arguably the most anticipated album in rock & roll history." Hmmmmm. Wait, what? They also refer to him as "the most mythical rock star on the planet." So, did Mick Jagger and Bob Dylan die? You know, the two rock stars that Rolling Stone sweats all the time and which dominate these two Top 500 lists? I love Axl and Guns N' Roses and think "Appetite for Destruction" is one of the best albums of the 1980s, but "Chinese Democracy" the most anticipated rock album ever, from the most mythical rock star on the planet? What planet is this, exactly?


Good Charlotte is The Greatest Band In History

But that's just a larger symptom of the Rolling Stone disease. A disease involving too much celebrity fawning, too many grandiose statements, and too little long-term memory. One minute, Britney Spears is the Queen of Pop, with Rolling Stone declaring "if loving her is wrong, we don't want to be right." The next, they're mocking her. Well, which one is it? Soon after, Usher is The King of Pop. There is no Queen of Pop - what are YOU talking about? And now this week, Axl Rose is The Most Mythical Rock Star On The Planet. What was Axl's last good album, and when was it released? And where were all these people on the Rolling Stone Top 500 lists, if they like them so much?


'NSync is, quite frankly, The Greatest Band in History

Don't even get me STARTED on the CD and movie reviews, especially the movie reviews. EVERYTHING gets three stars. I could blow my nose in a dirty sweat sock, and they'd give it three stars. If I was famous, of course.


The White Stripes is The Greatest Band in History (notice the subtitle saying "Good Movies Are Back." So why was everything getting three stars before?)

So the point is, when did Rolling Stone's attention span become that of a water flea, and when did PR staffs take over the magazine? Does a publicist call Rolling Stone and say "I want you to put Ashleigh Simpson on the cover and call her The Greatest Singer of All Time," and they just do it? Everyone is the greatest this or the most consequential that, with no context or continuity whatsoever. We said Ashleigh Simpson was the greatest singer ever? No way, fool. Look at this month's cover, where we clearly say that Carrie Underwood is The Greatest Singer Ever!

I'm not saying that it's bad to cover a diversity of music, or have different opinions. Quite the opposite. I'm just saying, have some coherence. Don't love Britney Spears one minute and hate her the next. Or, maybe you want to write an article that actually tells BOTH sides of the story, without fawning or labeling someone the best this or the most consequential iconic indispensible that. Rack appeal be damned - write good articles, and people will buy it! Didn't they used to? Now, it's like they don't expect you to remember they paid the same hyperbolic compliments to N' Sync as they did to Neil Young as they did to Axl Rose. It reminds me of a 1980s sitcom where there's no coherent week-to-week storyline. Something happens, they resolve it, they make their points, they throw it in the garbage, they move on to next week.

Well, screw that. Either Rolling Stone has given up trying to make a decent and historically respectable magazine, or they have multiple personalities. Either way, that once-trendsetting magazine has gone downhill, and just makes grandiose statments to move units, and/or panders to attractive celebrities who will appear on the cover. They're not the only ones to do this, of course. But they might be the saddest ones. Kind of a shame. I'll be in my spaceship.

Idols and Titles - a Hump Day potpourri

First of all, I want to apologize for temporarily shirking my duties - my blog duties - due to the long weekend and an all-day Tuesday meeting.

Secondly, a belated tip of the cap to the Seattle Seahawks, who as you know finished off the Redskins last Saturday, 20-10. The Skins were unable to overcome their anemic, one-trick pony offense, while the Seahawks circled the wagons to win after losing NFL MVP Shaun Alexander.


Credit where it's due: D-Jax capitalizes on Skins' banged-up secondary.

It's tough to be too upset about this. One, because honestly, the Hawks were due. But second and most importantly, because the Skins grossly outperformed expectations this year, and there is reason for optimism - cautious optimism - going into the offseason. We've got some guys injured and we need to make some moves, but I think for the first time in several years, we've got a contender's foundation. Congratulations, fellas.

Now, looking forward, I see Pittsburgh going all the way to win the Lombardi Trophy. They're peaking at the right time, they look tough, they look hungry, and they're a smart football team. I never thought I'd say that about a team coached by Bill Cowher and QBd by Ben "If you got a problem, YO, I'll solve it" Roethlisberger, but it's the truth. If Big Ben and his merry men want to keep proving me wrong, so be it.


Ladies and gentleman, the NFL champion Pittsburgh Steelers.

P.S. For all the local Skins fans looking for a really terrific sports bar in the city, let me formally recommend Grand Slam. Washington needs more places like this.

Enough about football now. Moving on to American Idol. You know what? I've a good feeling about this little show. I really think it can make it. And the first episode of its new season debuted last night (what network was that on again?) with the usual cast of whacky characters - bad singers and embittered would-be idols and so forth. It was actually a pretty weak episode, but entertaining nonetheless.


You bitches gonna be sorry you cut me when me sell platiminum records.

After watching pretty much all of every season up to now (and I am not ashamed), here's a couple pointers for future wanna-bes:

1) Don't wear any stupid costumes.

2) Don't peform your own song.

3) Don't snap your fingers into the camera and drink all that Haterade just because you lost. You lost because you are not a good singer. So put the Celine Dion tape down and look in that mirror, girl/boyfriend.

4) Don't wear a T-shirt and sweatpants. If you're not going to break out your nice clothes (and by nice clothes, I don't mean last year's prom dress) during a singing contest being aired on national TV, what the hell are you waiting for? Or, are you just a little imbalanced?


A perfomer tryout? On national TV? Time to bust out that pit-stained T-shirt, dawg!

That is all. I feel good, very good, about this little show that could. NOAM, out.

(Photo credits: AP, Reality TV Magazine, Curlio)

What else is there to say - GO SKINS!

Well, the Redskins are serious, serious underdogs in Vegas. But you know what? I'm still feeling good. I'm feeling confident. Because from here on out the rest of the season is gravy. And you know what else? I think we can keep it rolling. Here's four reasons why:

First, Seattle fans are super nice, apparently. No homefield edge there. Volume, shmolume. Every stadium is loud, especially in the playoffs.

Secondly, we've got Joe Gibbs, the man, the myth, the legend. Read that linked story and tell me if it doesn't remind you why you have total faith in him and his teams.

Thirdly, we've got a little revenge factor that could give our defense that little extra juice.

And finally, we've got a rap! Check this out:

http://www.rlconsultingonline.com/skinsclip.wmv

If that doesn't get you pumped up, Skins fans, nothing will.

But anyway, here's the bottom line. Even if the Skins' season ends tomorrow in Seattle, it will still be an unqualified success and will have exceeded all rational expectations. So, the Redskins are playing with house money at this point. Seattle is most decidedly not. They know it, and the Redskins know it. That's why the Skins will come out loose in the rainy city, and Seattle will come out tight. Ballgame.

GO SKINS!!!

Duke still sucks. Maryland not far behind.

Well, we got our butts kicked last night. Final score, 76-52, at Cameron. No two ways about it. Nevertheless, everything I said below still stands. I look forward to the rematch.

I think this game was a blowout not because Duke played particularly well, but because Maryland played badly. So let us break down the Maryland Terrapins' performance, shall we?

Their defense was good (at times) but their offense was so shaky it was painful to watch. Check out this stat - in the first half, Maryland made eight shots and committed eightTEEN turnovers. Again. They made EIGHT shots, and EIGHTEEN turnovers. That is beyond shaky. The initial reaction is to blame the lack of offensive cohesion on the point guard position, and of course, that certainly plays a role (Strawberry, who is still learning and definitely improving, had a 1:5 assist-to-turnover ratio, errrrr).

But to blame everything on that oversimplifies things a little bit, I think. These kinds of big, rivalry games hinge on the team leaders, ie, the seniors. And in this game, the three big seniors, Nik Caner-Medley, Travis Garrison, and Chris McCray, according to the the box score averaged seven points, seven rebounds (not too shabby), and 0.6 assists in 26 minutes! You need more than that from your seniors. You just do. Garrison, in particular. And this is the last time I'm gonna pick on him (heheh, I say that now) or the rest of the Terps until March Madness. But when you're the starting center against your archrival on the road for the last time, and you come up with 0 points on 0-8 shooting (and there were some BAD misses in there), 7 rebounds, 1 assist, and 2 turnovers in 20 minutes, while the guy you're guarding goes nuts with a triple-double, THAT, my friends, is what is known as a black hole.

I don't want to heap this all on them, because no Terrapin played particularly well on any kind of consistent basis. But the seniors set the tone and, unfortunately, these seniors just don't seem to have the intestinal fortitude to go to work and get the job done. (I'm going to resist the urge to say we miss the big-game presence of a certain point guard from last year, as the team is by and large much better off without him. In unrelated news, how's Maccabi Rishon LeZion doing?)

Here's a perfect example of what I'm talking about: During the first half, Caner-Medley grabbed a nice rebound and started dribbling unguarded up the court. He had numbers. But I knew, I KNEW, that he was going to lose the ball. And he did. He coughed it up the instant he hit traffic. No real pressure - he just lost the handle. Because he was too busy looking over his shoulder and overthinking and playing tight and so forth. What if that had been Steve Blake in his last game at Cameron? Would Blake have lost the handle? But wait, that's not even a fair comparison. What if it had been Byron Mouton, or Keith Booth, or Rodney Elliott? What would those guys have done? They might have had less talent, but they undoubtedly had more heart. And they would have NEVER missed the tournament. And there, in a nutshell, is your difference.

The team definitely looks more at ease (and more competitive) when Ebekwe, Jones, and Gist are leading the charge, and the seniors take more of a complementary role. But playing them more would conflict with Gary Williams' long-standing policy of starting and heavily playing his seniors.

So it looks like we've got a logjam here. And hey, this ain't the pros, where we can go pick up a free agent. This is the hand we've been dealt, and for better or for worse, we've got to find a way to coach up our players, get the chemistry right, and play the combinations that give us the best chance to win ballgames. This is the time when the coaches earn the big paychecks. The ball is in the coaches' court, so to speak. And that's all I'm saying. I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying. Goterps.

Duke Sucks

Monster game tonight when the University of Maryland Terrapins go into Cameron Indoor Stadium to renew the nation's premier college basketball rivalry.

Because like it or not, Duke fans, that is what this is. I'm tired of Dookies always talking about how Maryland isn't their rival. Well, guess what, Dookies. You're not the only ones with a say in the matter, despite what your typical solipsism might suggest to you. And of course, there is the small matter of fact that, as of late, Maryland owns Duke. You can tell me all you want about Carolina being your "real" rival. And there may be a small grain of truth somewhere in that sentiment. (Of course, there is also truth to the fact that Duke would need a real football team for them to have a real rivalry with Maryland - or anyone.)

















Wow - the Duke cheerleaders were never that great, but this is a new low!

But that's beside the point for these purposes. The point is, Maryland hates Duke, we ain't scurrrred to bring it to you, we've had some seriously hardcore match-ups over the years, and did I mention, Maryland hates Duke. Both sides don't need to shake hands and sign a contract for a rivalry to exist, and there's no rivalry cap - you can have more than one. So keep on being sanctimonious about your rivalries, Dookies. No skin off my back. It's just unfortunate that we will continue to hate and beat you.

So why does everyone hate Duke? And before you answer, please spare me the "you're just jealous" angle. Maryland has its own national championship, a perpetually strong program, a massive fan base, a coach with both his original hips (okay, that was a low blow. But I'm not deleting it), and so on. You got nothing we need.

So you know what it is? It's your white-bread, holier-than-thou, goody-two-shoes program, with its perpetual band of fruity sharp-shooters and its smirking, elitist, lily-white, nerdy, self-congratulatory fans out there in the thriving metropolis that is greater Raleigh-Durham. It's all very smarmy and self-important and, gah, so irritating! The bottom line, Duke people, is that you're just not a very likable group. I've met some individual Dookies that I liked, but still, as a group you just rub people the wrong way. But don't take it from this Terp. Google "Duke Sucks" (as I have done here) and see what comes up. Hell - even other Duke students dislike you!

(Sigh)..those Duke fans are SOOO clever!

Anyway, this is a big rivalry, period. And despite what the Duke lovers of the world say, I think Maryland has a shot to keep the winning streak going. We have good matchups with them - Strawberry/McCray on Redick, Caner-Medley on Melchionni, and so on. If we can find a way to stop Shelden Williams, we can be in this game. That's where my main man Travis Garrison comes in! Come on, buddy! Pretend it's Western Carolina all over again! I've said before Maryland's key to success this year is to play every game like it's the Duke game. Well, it starts with the genuine article. The real season starts tonight. GO TERPS!!!!

(Top Photo Credit: www.truthaboutduke.com)

Timmmberrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Abramoff concerned. You know, for others.

With the Skins in the second round of the playoffs and the Terps going into Cameron Indoor Stadium tomorrow evening, it's a sports-heavy week here on the No One Appreciates Me Weblog. So, I thought I would take a quick break in this "eye of the storm" to make note of some of the major fallout already taking place in the wake of Abramoff-Gate. It seems that the mighty are falling. Well, some of them anyway.













Jack Abramoff ecstatic.

First of all, the lobbying firm he was associated with is closing. Huzzah! Don't let the door hit you on the way out, jerks. Also, that bastion of the democratic process, that fulfillment of the founding fathers' dreams, Tom DeLay, has decided not to try and regain his post as House majority leader. This is all good news. A serious house cleaning is in order. This corruption is the kind of thing that gums up the works for everything else. It clogs the pipes. And this case may be the Drano needed to get things moving correctly again.













Jack Abramoff raging.

In still more encouraging news, a recent poll shows that this is making an impact in the American public. People feel that Congress has too much power, and that it's a bipartisan problem. Interesting. Hey, it's just great to know that people are actually giving a crap about their leaders. And I mean real leaders here, not Paris Hilton ones.


Jack Abramoff feeling a burning sensation.

Redskins play the respect game

Looks like the team spin is already in full swing for the Washington Redskins' next playoff game, following the exorcism that was Saturday's 17-10 victory over Tampa Bay, who now hopefully will continue their slide back into NFL anonymity, where they belong. I don't know how they got so big and popular anyway. One Super Bowl and a cutey-patootey coach does not a perennial NFL powerhouse create. So go get your fuckin shinebox, Tampa Bay. Pardon my French, but sometimes you just have to drop the f-bomb. And that one felt goooood.

Now on to the business at hand. Many questions remain between now and the Seattle game. No one needs me to point out, yet again, the Skins' measly offensive numbers, the fact that both Washington TDs were directly precipitated by defense (and I haven't seen a defensive performance like that in the playoffs since the 2000 Ravens), the fact that, once again, something looks wrong with Brunell (even when he's playing well, there's a this-can't-last feeling to it), and so on and so forth. But Gibbs is the ultimate sails-adjuster, and I'm pretty confident he'll once again correct for the way the wind is blowing, and right the metaphorical ship before next week's tilt in Seattle.

Speaking of Seattle. Washington Post humor columnist Tony Kornheiser is right. The Seahawks have no pedigree whatsoever. But that can be a bad thing. They have "we don't get no respect" issues of their own. So that angle will probably cancel itself out. Hey, Seattle. Want respect? Win a playoff game. But hey, I probably shouldn't egg them on (because, you know, they're all reading this). Basically, I think there will be no clear psychological edge in this one (the Skins definitely had the mental edge in the Tampa game). It's going to come down to will, most likely. And health could play a factor (advantage Seattle in that column).

I actually do feel that Seattle gets a bad rap in the media (particularly Shaun Alexander, who is an absolute monster). But if they want respect, they'll have to wait until next year. I think the Skins are going to keep it rolling. Go Skins!

By the way - a note to both of my readers. Anyone know of a really slam-bang bar in the District to watch a Skins game? I know of a few good ones, but am looking for a really, truly great one. Much obliged.

S-K-I-N-S spells Vengeance!

Can you feel it? A lot of people can. The R word. No, not "Redskins." Not "rutabega." That's right, baby. REVENGE. And REMATCH. All right, that's two. But you get the idea.

Now, back in the playoffs, things can come full circle for the Washington Redskins. And it seems to me that a MASSIVE karmic re-alignment is in store, as they square off against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who have been getting over on the Redskins and acting like rock stars in this league for far too long. They're the Bucs, for God's sake. Time to bring those assholes back to earth. And it happens this Saturday. 4 p.m. Be there.


Hmmm...do you think Sean Taylor's gonna bring it tomorrow?

Not only am I talking about the November loss, which came on a controversial two-point conversion, I'm talking about the 2000 game, which was the Skins' last playoff game before this one, in which the Skins botched a game-winning field goal on a bad snap.

And hey, the Bucs have been due for a crushing for some time. The recent Super Bowl win, Gruden becoming a glamour boy. Don't they have a serious butt-whooping coming? And who better to do it than the Washington Redskins?

We'll see how it shakes out on Saturday. The Skins are still the underdogs, but I think they can do it. God help me, but I really believe they can do it. GO SKINS!

(Photo Credit: The Washington Post)

Welcome to this episode of "That's Not A Word!"

Welcome, welcome to today's episode. When it rains it truly pours, as barely a week after our last contestant, we have a new entrant in the TNAW pantheon. Today's big winner is ESPN college football analyst and general campus heartthrob Kirk Herbstreit. During a SportsCenter segment breaking down last night's outstanding Rose Bowl Game which saw Texas upset juggernaut USC to win college football's national championship, Herbstreit was breaking down Texas quarterback Vince Young's absolutely brilliant performance (he got 467 total yards. Good God!).


Good God! I am so f-ing handsome!

So during his breakdown, Herbstreit said of Young, "you just have to repreciate what he did out there tonight." Flags flew on the play, if you will. We went to the instant replay. We reviewed the tape. We looked up "repreciate" in the dictionary. And guess what Kirk Herbstreit - THAT'S NOT A WORD!


Kirk takes "time out" for the "That's Not A Word!" Dancers. See what winning on this show will get you? Now get out there and lose some brain cells!

Your prize will not be as great as past winners however, for you are by and large a truly good college football analyst, and the ladies seem to like you for some reason. So for your victory today, you will receive "only" a two-month tour of duty proofreading letters to the editor of Bop Magazine!

Congratulations, Kirk! And we'll see YOU next time on "That's Not A Word!"

Bonus Blog: Coal Mining Companies are now called Jerk Companies

So let me get this straight. Thirteen coal miners got trapped in the mine. A mine in which 273 safety violations have occurred. After many hours, the mine company tells the miners' families that all but one has survived. The relieved family members go to church and prepare a celebration. But several more hours later, another announcement, as the company tells them that, in fact, all but one has died, not survived.

Sorry, guys. When we said "alive" before? About your family breadwinner? We meant "dead." Expect a ham in the mail as a token of our apology.

Ben Hatfield, CEO of the International Coal Group, owns the mine. The unsafe mine. His reaction to this? "Welcome to the worst day of my life." A little flip, isn't it? Hey, Ben. How about your wife gets hit by a car (which the driver has been operating for several months without brakes), you are told she survived, then you are told no, she's really dead, then the driver tells you about the awful day that HE is having? Please. People are dead, but let's hear about your professional crisis. Asshole.

Mr. Abramoff, do you know what the term "rat" means?

I'm sure you've all seen the movie Goodfellas. (And if you haven't, welcome to America!) Well, ladies and gentleman, I give you Henry Hill, the goverment version: Mr. Jack "The Rat" Abramoff.


Hey, Tommy, howya doin?

Washington is abuzz. Can you feel it in the air? The smirking and eye-rolling and cynicism games are in full swing. For yesterday, mercenary conservative lobbyist Abramoff pleaded guilty to various charges of corruption. He'll get a lighter punishment for testifying against all the Congressman he bribed with trips, campaign money, and other perks in exchange for their support on the issues Abramoff lobbied for, which was a wide variety of things. He also paid certain newspaper columnists to espouse specific opinions on certain subjects that he favored.

While Republican Bob Ney is the only Congressman named so far as having taken bribes from Abramoff, you can be sure there's more to come, including Democrat Harry Reid and that bastion of freedom and democracy, Tom DeLay. Surprised? Boy, that Tom DeLay sure does things the right way, doesn't he? The man who has been arrested - not accused, not investigated, but arrested, by the police - for money laundering. I say, a plague on all their houses. All this corruption has to stop.


Hey, Tommy, howya doin?

But all that said, Abramoff might be the shadiest of them all. Not only did he do all this corrupt stuff, but now he's ratting out his friends to save his own miserable sorry hide. Just like that pathetic rat Henry Hill in Goodfellas (who is a real guy, as you know).

Like they say in Goodfellas, "people call them rats because they'll do anything to survive." Abramoff knows what "rat" means. He actually quoted The Godfather in business meetings and had underworld ties! Is this guy nuts or what? It's cool when this stuff is on a TV show, but not when these people are making selfish decisions that affect the lives of every man, woman, and child in the country.

Get him out of here. Him and all his other friends. They're just like the mob, only worse, because they can mess with 300 million people, instead of just 3,000 or whatever. This is a huge scandal, and maybe Abramoff's finking will help bring all this dirty laundry out. But still, he's a dirty, self-interested rat. Is anyone a straight shooter in Washington anymore?

Cue smirks and eye rolls.

I hate these "Back To Reality" days

Ugh. After three solid days of snowboarding, snow football, and snow drinking (and in this last item, by "snow," I mean "alcohol"), I am feeling rugged. I can feel the cartilage crunching in my shoulders when I try to lift them. Not that anyone cares about my bitching and whining, but I really do hate these post-holiday back-to-work days.

You know what I dislike most about them? It's not actually being back in the office or having to do work again or saying good-bye to another one of life's fleeting moments of carefree fun. What I dislike most are those people in your workplace who seem happy to be back. Who are completely perky and "back on the horse" first thing Monday morning, sending memos and requesting meetings and so forth. What I want to know is, where are the souls of these people, and how can they get them back?


Welcome back, friends! Aren't you glad those pesky holidays are over? Say, I have an exciting new assignment for you...

I know not everyone parties it up during the holidays (I keep Christmas low-key party-wise, but I really blow the doors off for New Year's) but still. How can you be so chipper your first day back? Didn't you enjoy the holidays? Aren't you a little sad to see them go? Aren't you a little rusty after having all those days off and office downtime? Aren't you going to miss - just a little - all the friends and family and fun you most likely saw and had over the holidays? Can't we please have a small adjustment period?

On behalf of all of us people who are, you know, fun-loving, I beseech you to give me just a little ease-back-in time. I don't need a lot. Just a little. How about this - I'll do whatever work is necessary, but can we not start any new projects? If you want me to call twelve hardware stores to find out what shade of white the office paint is, can you give me a couple days? That's all I ask. Thank you.

Also, huge congrats to the Redskins on winning a gutty, hard-fought victory over the Eagles to make the playoffs. I was wrong about them, and I freely and happily admit that. It was a great game on Sunday, and they look like they're ready for prime time. Yeah, yeah, famous last words. And the Bucs will be tough. But they're due for some Redskins revenge, after the Skins got robbed this season on that Alstott two-point conversion call which cost them the game. Not to mention the Bucs knocked the Skins out of the playoffs the last time they were in in 2000 - when the then-Redskins kicking team couldn't snap the ball and get a game-winning field goal off the ground. I think the Bucs have a karma adjustment coming this weekend. Or, at least on paper they do. But you know how that goes.

Anyway, back to work. Ugh.

Top 16 Bold Prognostications for 2006

Well, there's no getting around it: in general, 2005 was a, how do you say, incredibly crappy year. The hurricanes, political strife, nations at war under controversial pretenses, an increasingly dangerous and polarized and public and harder world. And the Terps missed the NCAA tournament. Not good times.

Personally, however, it's been pretty good. Getting married, landing a serious job upgrade, buying a house, and several other very positive developments made 2005 truly memorable for this guy.

Either way, as we forge intrepidly into this, The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Six, I would like to offer 16 bold predictions - nay, prognostications - for the coming year. Without further ado, the grand prognostications are as follows (in no particular order):

1) 311 will record a Christian album.

2) Those fatcats in Congress will be at it again.

3) Eugene Levy and Snoop Dogg will sign on to make "Ghostbusters 3: The Return of the Keymaster."

11) The Maryland Terrapins WILL make the Sweet Sixteen.

9) Wal-Mart will phase out health care coverage for robot workers.

4) Former low-carb dieters everywhere will pretend they don't know what the term "low-carb diet" means.

5) Anna Kournikova will pose for Playboy, but the pictures will be all artsy and unerotic.

6) The Coors Light Twins will pose for Playboy. The pictures will be decidedly non-artsy.

7) The Mets will finish last.

8) The book burnings will begin in earnest.

10) The nature backlash will continue unabated.

12) Quik Fuel, a new milk-based energy drink, will cause widespread confusion and nausea, often simultaneously. And thus will milk continue to beat unavailingly on the walls of the magical fortress that is the MTV demographic. And the world will grow just that much colder.

15) You will catch bird flu.

16) No One Will Appreciate Me...like, AT ALL.

That's it for me. Happy New Year. Hopefully.

Hi, this is Jeff Reardon for Prozac

I never would have figured Jeff Reardon for this type. He had a great, long baseball career - they called him The Terminator. He was in that good class of 1980s bearded relievers, along with Bruce Sutter, Lee Smith, Dennis Eckersley, and the rest. He actually ranks above Rollie Fingers on the all-time saves list!

But now, 10 1/2 years after his retirement from baseball, The Terminator was recently arrested for allegedly robbing a jewelry store. He made $11.5 million in his career, and robbed the store of $170. Err...WHAT?


What do I have to do to sell you this gold watch today?

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. But of course, part of this story is quite sad. His son, Shane, died of a drug overdose last year. And for that, he was on antidepressant medication, on top of the heart medicine he was already taking. His lawyer is blaming the robbery on these medicines. Because, you know, that's a big problem with antidepressants. I saw it on the label one time. "Side effects may include drowsiness, watery eyes, and robbing." And hey, after the trial, I smell big endorsement dollars for Jeff on the pharmaceutical circuit.

In any case, I hope this ends all right for The Terminator. From the news stories, he doesn't seem like a bad guy - just a little crazy. And judging by that wild animal on his head, wouldn't he have to be? Just kidding. Kind of.

Welcome to a special Holiday Week edition of "That's Not A Word!"

Thanks and welcome to the second-ever (the first is here) and special holiday-week episode of "That's Not A Word!" Today's contestant is Cameran, the flighty blonde on MTV's Gauntlet II.

As the Real World San Diego veteran stared down the terrifying barrel of some moderate physical effort in the gauntlet, she decided to quit. (This all happened a week ago, so I apologize for being a little slow on the uptake.)

When it was time for the game, she told host T.J. Lavin that she was "sircumbing to the Gods of the Gauntlet." After looking up "sircumb" in the dictionary and finding no entry, it is clear that Cameran is our big winner this week! Cameran from the Real World - THAT'S NOT A WORD!

While you may wish to "sircumb" in the Gauntlet, your prize here on TNAW will be one from which you cannot escape. You'll be in chilly St. Paul, Minnesota, editing third-grade vocabulary and spelling tests for one school year! But before you can do that, you must first learn to speak and spell at a third-grade level! So whenever you can spare a moment from your busy schedule of teasing men, slacking off, and hosting community college campus pub crawls, you must successfully complete this spelling challenge! Good luck, Cameran, and may the Spelling Gods be with you!

As for the rest of you, we'll see you on the next episode of "That's Not A Word!"

Dare I drink the Redskins Kool-Aid?

Sneaking down to the basement to use my mother-in-law's computer to post a quick blog celebrating the HUGE win today for the Washington Redskins, who avenged the earlier season loss to their rival New York Giants.

Game balls go to Clinton Portis, Santana Moss (I admit - I was wrong about the Moss/Coles trade), the entire defense (who after early season takeaway issues now have the fourth-longest takeaway streak in the league) and the coaching staff. The key series was the interception return for a TD by the Giants. Previously, the Skins might not have gotten off the ropes. But this time, they came back with that huge strike to Moss. And when Brunell went out with the injury, and Ramsey came in, and had to call timeout on his second play because someone wasn't lined up correctly, you could feel the old Skins creeping in. But once again, they regrouped, and it was another big TD strike to Moss. What a difference maker that guy is.

On the other side of the pendulum, what about Giants o-lineman Chris Snee? He's the son-in-law of Giants head coach Tom Coughlin, and a lot of people think that's the only reason he has this job. And today, his play reflected that, with a key holding penalty that called back a long TD, and generally poor play. That's what happens when a father hires his daughter's son, though. If the guy doesn't earn his keep and isn't truly qualified, everyone knows it and will secretly do everything they can to make the guy miserable. Whether it's the football field or the cracker factory, you gotta justify Daddy's nepotism. Otherwise, you're just a bum. And Chris Snee is one of those bums. And if Tom Coughlin really had any integrity, he'd release him tomorrow.

Anyway. HUGE win for the Skins. I know I predicted that they wouldn't make the playoffs, but I think I may now have to eat those words. But hey, I'm happy to do it. But we'll see for sure after next week against Philly. In the meantime, I'm starting to get a good feeling about this team. God help me. For now, back to Xmas eve. Good day to you.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a something something

At times like this, as the world slows down, I think of the words to my favorite Christmas song. Let's sing together, shall we? And a one, and a two:

Makin' your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got
Takin' a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?
Dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN-DUNNNNN!!!!

DUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
dun, Dun, DUN, DUNNN
And they're always glad you came
dun, Dun, DUN
You want to be where you can see,
the troubles are all the same.
You want to go where everybody knows
your name.

Hey, if the "Peanuts" theme and "My Favorite Things" are now considered Christmas songs, why not the Cheers theme? Something to contemplate this holiday season.

Merry Christmas, Happy beginning-of-Chanukah, and Happy Kwanzaa. See you next week,

M.S. "NOAM" Harris

A very special guest blog featuring Bill Walton

Throw it DOWN, young man! Throw it DOWN, big fella! Well, as the holiday season descends upon man and beast here in the United States, it becomes important to look back and contemplate the various matters that are so important to life and to living. It is a time of reflection.

And in that spirit, here is my reflection: The Washington Wizards are absolutely, positively the WORST team in the National Basketball Association!

What's that you say? I had a different opinion before? What a ridiculous notion. That is easily the most prePOSterous statement I have ever heard in all my years on planet Earth. But enough about that. Let's move on to the discussion of a new planet. Planet Basketball.

And right now, the Bullets, er, Wizards, are in the subterranean portion of that spinning globe, my friends. Three consecutive losses and a heart-breaking 9-14 record have the team and the natives throwing absolute fits. Fits, I say, Marv. First, a loss to the magnificence of Kobe Bryant and the indomitable Los Angeles Lakers. Then, it was defeats at the hands of the luminescent Ray Allen and the Supersonics of Seattle, and prior to that it was my beloved Portland Trailblazers, for whom two former local chaps turned good - Maryland Terrapins Juan Dixon and Steven Blake - did in their erstwhile professional mates.

What are the reasons for this putridity of play, you ask? Unfortunately for Wizards players and fans, the answer is blowing in the wind, as the bard Robert Dylan might say to us. But rest assured that it is due in no small part to Antawn Jamison, who is currently mired in the most HORRRRRRIBLE slump I have ever seen from any athlete in any sport. He is simply unable to remember how to play the sport of basketball. And secondly, by their galling and appalling lack of defensive presence. One might conjure up the old ghosts of Hemingway in describing them, as the Wizards are downright matadorean on the hardwood.

And by the way, I would have to vehemently and categorically disagree with the honorable Michael Wilbon and his view that Indiana Pacer forward Ronald Artest is too high of a risk for Washington to acquire. My question to you is, where is your courage, Michael? Where is your sense of adventure? Why not take a chance on this misguided but talented young man? Surely there are not as many temptations in Washington as there are in Indiana. And I challenge you, I defy you, to explain how he is not a perfect fit for the Wizards in every way in which the mind can conceive.

But what was I saying? Ah, yes. The Wizards are HORRRRRRIBLE. How obvious are their mistakes? How egregious these crimes against basketball? Even Washington Post humor columnist Anthony I. Kornheiser has picked up on them, and is taking the team over his metaphorical knee as punishment for their sporting transgressions. And here's another holiday wish: let's hope, for the sake of this team, our Nation's Capital, even the very sanity of the civilized world, that the Washington Wizards heed these punishments, and take their lessons aptly. We will see tonight as they tangle with the Denver Nuggets, who are attempting to right their own ship, and are optimistic that the visiting Wizards can help them in accomplishing this goal. We shall see if such flippancy is enough to awaken the fires within this Washington team.

In the meantime, this is your humble servant Bill Walton wishing you all the very best of life and the holidays. And until next time, throw it DOWN, big man! Throw it DOWN!

The following Christmas songs must be destoyed

In No One Appreciates Me World, the following Christmas songs are banned from this point forward, no discussion:

1) Sleigh Ride - I'm getting another cavity just thinking about it.

2) Christmas Time by Bryan Adams - Actually, this is a good directive for all Bryan Adams songs.

3) O Holy Night - The classic and Mariah Carey versions can stay, but from here on out all other versions get the shepherd's crook. This song is too nice for it to become a prospective notch in the bedpost of every American Idol contestant who can (or thinks they can) hit that high note at the end.

4) All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth - Listen and let me know if any further explanation is required.

5) Merry Christmas Darling - Just a terrible song. And it doesn't help that Karen Carpenter's voice makes me want to put my fist through the radio. Yes, yes, I know she died of anorexia, and I'm very sorry about that. It's no way for anyone to go. Nevertheless. Fist through the radio.

6) Snoopy's Christmas - How is this a Christmas song?

7) We Need A Little Christmas - Replace the word "Christmas" with the word "Cocaine," and suddenly everything is crystal clear.

8) Christmas Time Is Here - The second Peanuts Christmas song to make the list. Sensing a trend? I blogged about this a while back. This song is an absolute funeral dirge, and it makes me want to drive my car through the guardrail every time I hear it. Which is often. Please help me.

9) Every modern pop song that's just a regular song with the word "Christmas" thrown into it. "Baby, come home for Christmas," "Baby, you don't love me on Christmas no more," "Baby, Christmas doesn't like it when you don't have my money," and so forth.

Basically, we should stick with the classics. I love the classics! Why must we always muddy the waters with crap? We've got a great thing going with the classic Christmas songs, and everyone just has to jump on the bandwagon for fame or money or religious brownie points or whatever. Aren't the basic songs enough? I say yes. Thank you for your consideration.

Hail to the Freaking Redskins

Wow. I think yesterday is what they mean by firing on all cylinders.

I completely agree with Wilbon on this one. This was the best game I've seen the Washington Redskins play since they beat the Lions in that 1999-2000 season playoff game - the one where Brad Johnson body-slammed Robert Porcher. That was awesome.

But not as awesome, I don't think, as this game. In front of a raucous crowd at FedEx Field, the 2005 Washington Redskins woke up the echoes with a
35-7 butt-whooping of the hated Dallas Cowboys. HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYYYYYS!?!?!?!?!?!?!

And get this - if the Skins win their final two games, they will make the playoffs as a wild-card team! If they win out and the Giants lose their final game to the team that was once the Oakland Raiders, the Skins win the division! Is that insane or what?

But back to yesterday's game. It was truly a thing of beauty. And as I watched, I wondered - why don't they play like that every game? What is it about this organization that makes players and coaches not focus hard and play to win week in and week out? Why do we not come out with this much agression and will every week? Because if we do, we make the playoffs every year!

But now is not the time for criticism. Now is the time for handing out some game balls to some True Redskins - guys who officially made their name in this town yesterday afternoon. Chris Coooooooley. Clinton Portis. Derrick Dockery (him paving the way for Portis and Betts was so sweet to watch). Randy Thomas (tough break - come back soon). Philip Daniels. Marcus Washington. D-coordinator Gregg Williams. And the list goes on. The Redskins dominated both lines and everything went from there.

It's tough to sum up what it all meant, especially with a HUGE showdown looming next week at home against the first-place Giants. There are probably more chips on that table than there were in yesterday's game, particularly given their 36-0 crushing of the Redskins earlier in the season. But for the first time in years, I felt yesterday like I was watching a real Redskins team out there. They played hard but smart, tough but classy, and deadly, deadly efficient. When you've got the dignity but not the toughness (as I suspect has been the case over the past several years) you're not going to scare anyone. But when you put those things together, it's a majestic sight to behold. And when they're good, that's the Redskins.

The jury's still out on this season's team - and I still don't think they'll make the playoffs when it's all said and done - but this game could prove to be a turning point, and I think it ensures that this season won't be a failure, regardless of what happens from here on out. I really, really hope they're able to build on this. Bring on the Giants, baby! And hail to the Redskins!

(Photo credit: Dwayne Woodard/Woodard Images)

Dallas Week: D.C. teams teetering on the fulcrum

Well, it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL comes down to this. This Sunday, we see with certainty whether this season's Washington Redskins will sink or swim. Every season, every team in every sport has a single game or stretch of games that acts as the season's fulcrum, dictating whether it is a success or a failure.

This Sunday's game is that fulcrum game for the Skins. Even if they don't make the playoffs, if they win this weekend, it can easily be argued that the season wasn't a failure. Because it's Dallas Week, baby, and they've got a chance to sweep!

If you can't get up for this, you don't have a pulse. And if you don't hate Dallas - HATE Dallas - you are not a Redskin fan. If you are a Skins player and you don't come to play Sunday - against your archrivals with your season in the balance - then you are a bum.


















With the ghosts of rivalries past echoing through the corridors, the Washington Redskins march this week as to battle....as to WAAAAAAARRRRRRR.

Here's the basic storyline as it has been hyped this week: is the Skins defense frisky enough to attack Drew Bledsoe, the stick in the mud who plays quarterback for the Cowboys? The Skins defense was built to attack him, the Cowboys offensive line was built to protect him. Both sides have suffered injuries. Something's gotta give, and something's gonna give.

Personally, I think a good portion of this game will come down to Clinton Portis. This game will show whether he's a "true Redskin", if you want to use that phrase. If he's just collecting Snyder's paychecks, he won't be a factor. If he cares about the team and winning and such, he'll show up and be a horse. Simple as that. This game isn't about Xs and Os. It's one of those rare times when it just comes down to who's ready to ball. Who's willing to go the extra mile in this, the NFL's top rivalry, to keep their playoff hopes alive? And so forth.
In a bit of gamesmanship, Redskins coach Joe Gibbs has listed all his injured players as probable, so as not to tip his hand. This list includes LaVar Arrington, who reportedly had so much blood and other fluid built up in his thigh muscle that it was dangerous for him to get on an airplane last week.

If you are one of the literally fives of people who read this blog, you'll know what I think about the Skins - I think they're out of it, playoffs-wise. But with a win Sunday, they can say it was a decent season, and who knows? Playoffs wouldn't be impossible (like they will be if they lose). So I hope I'm wrong.

And you know what? I think they can win this game. They just need to be energetic, avoid dumb mistakes, kick ass, get dirty, play hard, play together, play to win. It ain't rocket science.

In a similar note, it's an early season fulcrum test for the Washington Bullets, errr, Wizards, as well, as they begin the dreaded West Coast swing tonight in L.A. The Wizards don't tend to do well against the West because they aren't physical enough, but they've beaten the Spurs and Pistons this year, among others, and they've got Gilbert Arenas back, so we'll see what happens. Looks like current Laker and former Wizard Kwame Brown is chomping at the bit to play us. Yikes. I shudder to imagine a "motivated" Kwame Brown tearing up the Wiz with his usual monster game of six points and four rebounds. He's going to be like King Kong out there. Anyway, hope the Wiz handle their biz out West.

But really, as of right now, all eyes are on the Skins. Come on, guys. Don't roll over this time. Let's go - BEAT DALLAS!













GO SKINS!!!!

(Photos credit respectively: www.quarry.com, www.endzone.it, Sports Fans HQ)

Huge Tumors: What's the fascination?

I'm sorry, but I felt I had to calmly say something about a bizarre trend in the media. So here goes - what in the name of all that is good and holy is the deal with peoples' recent fascination with the removal of huge benign tumors?

Yesterday on CNN, one of their Top Stories was about a girl getting a 16-pound tumor removed from her face (this is the version with no nasty picture in it). It's a nice article about the triumph of the human spirit and so forth, but really - this is a Top Story? People are dying everywhere from all different kinds of things, the planet is going to hell, voting districts are being redrawn wantonly, Britney Spears and K-Fed are spawning demons to loose on an unsuspecting world, I think they may have stopped making Cracklin Oat Bran, and THIS is what people want to hear about? People with huge tumors?

I'm sorry, Arnold. Apparently, it IS a tumor.

It's not just this most recent one, either. Check out this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one (this last one contains a semi-disturbing photo). There was even an episode of House about this! I think it all started back in 1998 on the Fox Network (SURPRISE!) with that Guinness World Records show, where they removed that huge 300-pound tumor from that woman.

(By the way, brilliant quote from the story on the Romanian woman's tumor removal: "The lack of the tumor really suits her," said her surgeon, Doctor Obvious. You know, I had a cousin once with a huge benign tumor on his ass, and it was VERRRRY becoming. But I digress.)

My question here is simple: What the hell is wrong with you people?

The upcoming Bob Dylan Show - really good, or really bad?

News came down yesterday on the wire. Starting in March, Bob Dylan is getting his own show on XM Radio. A very interesting choice both for XM and for Dylan, who has, errr, never exactly been known for his golden pipes. Or his love of the media, for that matter. Basically, I had an ambivalent reaction to the news. This show could either be really, really good, and/or really, really bad.

One thing Dylan can indisputably do is write a song. I am a huge fan of his, and I think he is a genius (and I don't throw that word around a lot) and quite simply the greatest songwriter in rock and roll history. What's that, you said? You're more into G Unit? Well, that's a good one, Sparky. But no. Or perhaps you favor McCartney and Lennon? Jagger and Richards? Brian Wilson? Chuck Berry? That guy from Guided By Voices? Sam Cooke? Kurt Cobain? Dave Spiwack? All great, but I'm not putting anyone in Dylan's category until they get nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature. Then we can talk.

I'm sure he also has a couple of friends in the business that would drop by for an interview. You know, maybe Pete Townshend one afternoon, then Ringo Starr the next? Just a coupla guys. And if nothing else, maybe he can interview himself. Maybe this would compel him to actually cooperate with an interviewer for a change.

Radio? I ain't got no tiiiiiime for radio. Er, yes I do.

On the downside, however, there is the fact that he is, how should I put this, a bit of a mealy-mouthed rambler.

I don't know how else to put it. I can picture him on the mic, after playing an Eminem song, and saying "that was subterranean, man, like a car bomb outside of nowhere on the galactic freeway to the lollipops. I mean, this guy knows it, man! Feels it! Sees it! Picks it up and eats it like a steak, goin' southward on the tightrope of my miiiiind!" But of course, to the listeners, it will sound like "BLEEEteraanickangkake. Greathkeithkeighalopapapaa. MememelgenglelRISHous miiiiiiiind!" Okay, maybe not that bad, but pretty close. When I last saw him in concert two summers ago, it sounded like he had swallowed a broken ashtray before taking the stage. Granted, the sound system at Cal Ripken Stadium is not the best, but still - broken ashtray!

At a minimum, he'll spin some good tunes. And he's Bob Dylan, for God's sake! I'll definitely give it a listen, and I hope it works out. After all, what else is there to listen to on the radio?

High stakes in Texasgate

Submitted for consideration, a hypothetical situation: imagine you are playing Monopoly with two other guys. And it soon becomes clear that those two buddies are in league to ensure that one of them, and not you, wins. Suppose they make a rule and put it to a vote (and since there are two of them and only one of you, the vote is a formality) that from now on you can only land on Baltic Avenue, and Vermont Avenue, and all the other really crappy ones, so that no matter how well you play, you can't do anything to alter your losing fate.

Well, that's roughly what a group of Texas politicians - led by that selfless public servant, Tom DeLay - have done by redrawing congressional districts. By making new geographic boundaries that group voters together in ways that give Republicans the best chance to win the most number of seats, they have unfairly (and, I would say, illegally) stacked the deck in their own favor in perpetuity.

Granted, it's a boring-sounding thing, but if it's allowed to continue, it could affect every single issue facing this nation, and could even undermine democracy and, for all intents and purposes, make this a nation of only one political party. If this Texas plan is allowed to stand, that is, and it spreads to other states.

That's why the announcement yesterday that the U.S. Supreme Court will hear the case this spring is such a huge decision. There are A LOT of chips on this table. Hopefully the Supreme Court rules this illegal, as they should, and we can exorcise this demon once and for all.

Before you start thinking of me as a partisan person, please be assured that I am not. Bad politics and shady practices are what they are, regardless of who perpetrates them. No matter who does this - Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Muppets, Space Aliens, etc. - it is insidious and it is corrupt. And it is apparently all part of a grand Republican plan to keep themselves in power forever. Read that article and tell me if you think that's how the founding fathers envisioned our system functioning.

If it sickens you like it sickens me, there are things you can do. Non-partisan, non-profit organizations like Common Cause and The Center for Voting and Democracy are surely going to make their voices and their members' voices heard on this issue.

Sorry to soapbox, but this is incredibly important, and the Texas plan stinks from here to Christmas. It's like something out of a dystopian novel. So don't let this legislative funhouse mirror distort American politics. We're too strong and too smart for that - right? Political affiliation means nothing - it's about doing the right thing. So don't let the game get stacked. Because Baltic Avenue is no place to be.